Stop

What will happen when it all comes to a stop?
What will happen when the sky opens and fire falls?
Freedom will cry out
We'll fall to our knees
We'll welcome your name
And love you till the end

I found this confusing. I got the fact that the mc in the poem was using drugs, but the dialogue didn't really flow. It didn't fit with the rest of the poem, and i don't think you should have included it. Overall, this poem was interesting, but not fantastic.

Well hello there, my name is Flower, and I will be your reviewer for the evening.

annapapadimitriou123 wrote:And after waiting for so long, I wouldn't begin your poem with the word am. That in general already makes the poem choppy.
he can finally breathe out. Why was he holding his breath? You kind of skip around and dont really land on a subject. Why don't you tell us why he isn't breathing, and why he finally can.
He smiles and looks to the yellow horizon You lack detail, and when you give it, it tends to be bland. What makes the horizon so special, why did you choose it for your detail?
But blood begins to drip from the sky and the tree becomes a face. This really confused me, I lost the little grip I had on this poem right here.
'What is going on, I thought, you know, this would all work out, but it's not working out and I'm fucking scared. This line is way to long, and it doesn't flow well. Also the "you know" doesnt' work very well. You don't want your reader to be super confused in your poem. You want everything to flow well, and this didn't.
You said I could trust you.' Again you don't tell us what is going on. We don't know who you are trusting, or why you have been betrayed. I think more could be added to this poem and it would be nice.
Yes, betrayal is a funny thing, really. Wooo slow down, you are jumping subjects. We don't know why betrayal is funny. Has it happened before, tell us.
His master smiles, as he gets to take yet another soul today. Who is this master you speak of. More details, feed the reader.
Laughter pierces the sky, a syringe lies dirty and used on the floor, Best detail you have so far, but ew that has to be unsanitary haha.
and a boy writhes and struggles. Skippy again, give the attack scene, tell us what happened here.
Colours fill the atmosphere and balloons float up into space. What's up with the balloons?
Would anyone care for his last words?

Yes we would! That is what I am trying to get across.

All in all this was extremely jumpy, and didn't really land anywhere as to a subject. I have given my main criticism above, so there isn't much to say.

If you need anymore help feel free to pm me, or if you have any questions on the review let me know.

-Flower-