Fire Girl Chapter 3

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Chapter 3











I woke up with a small headache. I lifted up my head a little, and noticed that I wasn’t in my own room. My room has blue walls and white curtains and sheets with pinewood furniture and floor.

This room had white walls; mahogany furniture and pink sheets, there were no curtains. There was lantern on the walls, making it look like daylight. There was a small locker to my left and to my right was a giant mirror. Beside the mirror was the biggest wardrobe I had ever seen. Across from the wardrobe was a desk with knickknacks and a lamp on it. The room had that smell that most rooms did when they haven’t been lived in for a while. The carpet was even a light shade of pink. I stared at it revolted. I hate pink.

“Is there something wrong?” asked someone. I jerked my head up and instantly regretted it. I put a hand on my forehead and saw the boy with black hair sitting in a chair in the corner. How hadn’t I noticed him? His black clothes stood out against the white of the walls.

“Who are you?” I blurted then blushed, embarrassed. What had happened yesterday? He touched me and ... heat shot up my arm, that can’t be normal.

“I’m Keenan White, I’m the Fire Boy.” he replied. I blushed harder, the Fire Boy? Was that why when he touched me...

“Are you alright?” he question brought me out of my thoughts. I noticed he had an American accent.

“I’m fine.” I told him. I glanced around and noticed something odd.

“There are no windows in here.” I said. Keenan grinned and it lit up his whole face, making him look very handsome. I blushed and looked away.

“We are still underground.” he told me, he sounded faintly amused. What was he doing to me? I never blush around boys, even ones I like!

“What are you doing in here?” I asked him “It’s kind of strange to wake up and find a stranger in your bedroom.”

He blushed “I was, ah, watching you sleep.” he finished embarrassed. I felt blood rushing to my cheeks again. Oh jeez, Sam would have had kittens if he had heard that. So would have dad, oh God where is dad? And Jon?

“Where are my dad and Jon?” I asked him. He frowned slightly when I mentioned Jon. Jeez, people really don’t like Jon here do they? Or am I just being paranoid?

“Your father is speaking with Andrew at the moment and Jonathan is in his room down the hall,” he told me. I raised my eyebrows, Jonathan? No one called Jon by his full name except his mom when she’s angry and teachers.

“I want to talk to Jon,” I said firmly. I had questions to ask him, had he always known I was like this?

Keenan frowned “I don’t think that’s a good idea,”

“Why not?”

“Well seeing as Jonathan is being replaced,” he shrugged “I didn’t think you would want to see him and since he failed his job.”

“Come again? What job? And what do you mean he’s being replaced?” I sat up straighter in the bed. What the hell was going on? There were so many sheets I wondered why I didn’t suffocate last night.

“They really didn’t tell you anything did they?”

“Nope.”

“Jon was your protector, he was sent after your parents died to watch over you, he was to remain unseen and unnoticed by you and your family, he was certainly not meant to befriend you and become close to you. Then he doesn’t notice the signs that you were coming into your powers, nearly causing the death of your sister. It’s a great thing that he’s being replaced, with someone better more professional, you won’t even know they’re there.” He finished grinning at me like he had given something wonderful.

I gaped at him “This is not a good thing you idiot,” I hissed at him furious. He stopped smiling and frowned at me.

“Jon is my best friend, he was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to confide in. Someone to help me with my Geography homework for God’s sake and you’re telling me that he’s being replaced? That’s not a good thing Keenan!” I nearly yelled at him. My hands were in fists and I could feel that same heat that I felt yesterday under my breastbone.

“Alex, Andrew said that he is not efficient enough to watch over you anymore.” he said quietly.

“I’m seeing Jon, now.” I said hopping out of bed. I glanced down at myself and froze. I’m wearing a pink night gown.

“Or maybe after I change, who dressed me?” I asked him glancing at him.

“Some servant girls, listen Alex-”

“Is any of my clothes in the wardrobe?” I interrupted him, pointing at the huge wardrobe.

“Yes”. he said, probably realising I wouldn’t listen until I was changed.

I opened wardrobe and grabbed a black top and jeans. I turned around and realised there was nowhere to change.

“Out.” I said to Keenan. He raised an eyebrow at me; I really wanted to be able to do that, so I showed him the clothes in my hand. He blushed when he finally understood and basically ran to the door.

I grinned at the door when he closed it, now I was making him uncomfortable, much better. I changed quickly and took a go-go from around my wrist and tied up my hair. I always wear go-gos as bracelets.

I walked to the door and opened the door; Keenan was leaning against the wall opposite the door. He straightened up when he saw me.

“Alex, I don’t think this is a good idea Andrew said-”

“Andrew can go jump in the Shannon River.” I snapped at him. I was sick of him telling me that Andrew said that I can’t do this and that.

He looked shocked at my statement. “Fine.” he snapped back. Oh, did I touch a nerve?

He walked briskly down the hall and I barely got to examine the symbols that decorated the walls.

“They’re Greek and the portraits are of the past heads of the Order and the past Elementals,” he said curtly, when he saw me staring.

“What are the Elementals?” I asked him.

“People like us, they control the elements,”

“Oh.”

Keenan suddenly stopped in front of one of the many doors we had passed. The corridor is very long. He knocked and stepped back, his face blank.

Jon opened the door and peered out. He looked peeved when he saw Keenan but grinned when he saw me.

“Lex, I was wondering when you would get here, come in.” he stepped aside and I walked in. It was such a relief to see him; I really wanted to get away from Keenan. He made me feel strange and I didn’t like it.

I looked around his room; it was an exact copy of mine except that the sheets were navy instead of pink.

“Why is it that I get pink and you get navy?” I asked him, without turning around.

He chuckled “Well, seeing as I’m a boy it wouldn’t be right to put me in a pink room,”

“Well, is it also right that they’re taking my best friend away from me?” I whispered, finally turning around to face him. His face turned dark. He rounded on Keenan.

“What did you say to her!” he snarled at him. I blinked; I’ve never seen Jon react like that. He was always so calm and controlled; I would never have guessed that he had a temper.

“The truth.” Keenan answered simply. Jon looked like he wanted to strangle him. I stepped forward.

“Jon, cool it would ya?” I told him. He stared at me; normally he would say that to me.

“Alright what’s the plan?” I asked going to sit down on the end of Jon’s bed. Keenan leaned against the wall and Jon sat in the chair in the corner.

“You will go to America with me to train,” Keenan said crossing his arms.

“Like hell she will,” snarled Jon. I opened my mouth to tell him off but Keenan beat me to it.

“It’s not your right to make decisions for her anymore,”

“And it’s not yours either!”

“I am her partner, so it is!”

“You, little-”

“Enough!” I yelled. They both looked at me. Jon had stood up and his hands were in fists. They really don’t like each other do they?

“Let’s get a few things straight, I asked what the plan was, not for you two to make decisions for me, I’m not a puppet. And Keenan, what the freaking hell are you talking about I’m your partner, ‘cause you had better explain that fast. And Jon, I’m a big girl; I can speak for myself,”

When I was finished they both stared at me shocked.

“Keenan seriously, explain what you meant please.” I asked him as calmly as I could. Through all this I had remained seated, I was proud of myself that I hadn’t thrown a few punches. I normally do in situations like this.

“Ah, well, you’re the Fire Girl and I’m the Fire Boy, naturally we’d be paired together for fighting, training etcetera. So naturally I thought that I was allowed-”

“No one decides for me.” I interrupted him. I know it’s rude, but it’s a bad habit of mine.

“Alex you’re special, different, you’re perfect-”

I made a choking sound. Perfect, did he just day that?

“Keenan, I’m anything but perfect. I steal music off the Internet, I’ve failed every Geography test I’ve ever taken and probably will fail the ones that are coming. I steal my sisters clothes when she’s away, I lie to my parents, I sneak out to go for long walks, I forget to do my chores, I’m not perfect, I’m normal.” I told him, I knew I was ranting, but the very idea of someone calling me perfect made me flustered. Especially when that someone was Keenan, he made me feel ... I don’t really know how to describe it.

He stared at me “You fail Geography?” he asked me stupidly.

I sighed exasperated now “Yes, I do.”

Jon chuckled behind us. I raised my eyebrows at him but he just smiled. I suddenly had an idea.

“Can we go talk to my dad and Andrew?” I asked. Jon nodded and Keenan did too a little reluctant. I rubbed my temples and stood up. Boys were so confusing and my headache wasn’t quite gone.

“Then let’s go,” I told them gesturing towards the door. Keenan got up and opened the door. He looked at me and gestured out the door. Ass, I thought.

I got up and walked past him and stood in the hall waiting. Keenan basically stalked out and Jon followed him. He made a face at Keenan’s back. I wonder why he dislikes him so much.

“So, where to?” I asked.

“Follow me.” Keenan said and took my hand. I glanced behind me and Jon glared at Keenan. I sighed but didn’t protest as Keenan dragged me along.

His touch was sending tingles up my arm and I blushed when he looked at me. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and saw him smiling slightly.

We passed many people who bowed to us. I was flustered; no one has ever bowed at me before. I bowed my head at them slightly, seeing as I couldn’t stop and bow properly. Well, I could but Keenan kept a tight grip on my arm. Annoyance flashed through me. I can walk myself and I didn’t need to be lead around like a child.

I pulled my arm out of his grip; he frowned at me but didn’t say anything. I heard someone laughing, I turned around to see Jon grinning and laughing.

“Shut up.” I muttered to him. He stopped with difficultly. Now Keenan was glaring at Jon.

“Seriously guys, what’s the deal with all the glaring?” I asked. Both boys looked at me strangely. Neither answered just glared at each other, I shook my slightly and walked past the two of them.

I stopped remembering that I didn’t know my way around and turned around reluctantly.

“Well, if I walk around this place by myself, I’ll probably get lost and no one wants that now do they?” I said the last bit sarcastically.

Jon just nodded while Keenan smirked at me. I glared back and he walked to my side and took my hand again. Tingles went up and down my arm again where his hand touched mine. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, it made me feel ... mushy.

I glanced at him, why was he making me feel this way? I stared off into the distance wondering. Why was I like this? Were my parents like me? Is Jon really being sent away? Do I really get to go to America with Keenan? The last question startled me a little, as I realised I wanted to go with him.

This is not good.
Last edited by BookGirl on Mon Sep 20, 2010 5:28 pm, edited 4 times in total.
"I vill now destroy all de Snickuh barhs!" The Angel Experiment.

"You said you were going for a walk!? What kind of walk takes six hours?"
"A long one?" The Mortal Instruments

"Waiting for a special occasion to kill me? Christmas is coming" MI




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Okay, so I haven't read the other parts, but I think your really missing some emotion. This whole chapter seemed pretty flat, with zero emotion. Take how you'd feel in this situation and magnify that by a trillion percent.
There are also some grammar and spelling mistakes that can be found if you re-read it
Also, what is a 'go-go'? Is it just a hair elastic?
Anyway, keep writing
~Wickedwonder
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'

*Formerly wickedwonder*




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Thanks! I really appreciate it! :)
"I vill now destroy all de Snickuh barhs!" The Angel Experiment.

"You said you were going for a walk!? What kind of walk takes six hours?"
"A long one?" The Mortal Instruments

"Waiting for a special occasion to kill me? Christmas is coming" MI




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I don't review that much, but I popped in to say that I read all three chapters. The introduction was very good, It seemed to be just like a normal modern day HIgh school and I think you captured the essence of that very well. Your main character also seems to show enough emotion and personality (Yea I'm going against Wicked). Basically keep working on it, and know that I'll be reading.
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Thanks so much for PMing me when you posted this! I appreciate it.

Okay, first off...I noticed this chapter seemed to pivot from the idea of the last two. Now it got all kinda mushy. I also think it's a little too weird that the fire boy was watching her sleep, and they just met. Well, they hardly even met.

So the first off was it! I liked this chapter. Good job and keep working...and if you couldPM me again when you post another, that would be great:)

--Lollipopper.
Yeah, that's Hedwig staring at you determinedly.




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Thanks Day! I really appreciate it and Lollipop It's supposed to be weird, that's the whole point ;)
"I vill now destroy all de Snickuh barhs!" The Angel Experiment.

"You said you were going for a walk!? What kind of walk takes six hours?"
"A long one?" The Mortal Instruments

"Waiting for a special occasion to kill me? Christmas is coming" MI




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Hey Bookgirl,

walked to the door and opened the door; Keenan was leaning against the wall opposite the door. H straightened up when he saw me.
This is just one of the corrections I picked up when I was reading. He is He not H.

Well, that chapter was really good. There were some punctuation and grammar mistakes that you could pick up if you go through and read it again but that's really it. The story kept me hooked on and it made me want to read and figure out what's going to happen to Jon. Great Story and you can pm me when chapter 4 comes out.

-lilgreendots
Incarceron is a prison like no other
It gives life
It deals death

It Watches All

Incarceron
By: Catherine Fisher


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Thanks so much! And I'll fix that up and sure I'll Pm you ;)

BookGirl
"I vill now destroy all de Snickuh barhs!" The Angel Experiment.

"You said you were going for a walk!? What kind of walk takes six hours?"
"A long one?" The Mortal Instruments

"Waiting for a special occasion to kill me? Christmas is coming" MI




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Positively wonderful, as usual.

But I do have something that I want to point out. Her feelings about Keenan (love the name btw) are way to mixed. I mean one moment she'll call him an Ass, and the next she's holding his hand. What's up with that? I know that it's fun and a good idea to add some drama and roller-coaster emotions to stories, but this is a little to much. Maybe you should space the opposite feelings farther apart, or not make them so drastically opposite. Or you could add a little bit more description to the feelings. (Does that make any sense?)

But I do love the tension between Jon and Keenan. And I'm so sad that Jon has to go :(

~Onet

PS. I think it's kinda funny the way you said 'American accent' because I'm American. So to me it was a little...different, lol. It made me think.
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I understand what you mean, but you see with Alex, she doesn't want to like him, but she can't help it. If that makes any sense. It's instinct for the Fire Girl to like the Fire Boy, but it doesn't mean that she has to like him at the first glance. The tension between Jon and Keenan is what is confusing her emotions. Side with best friend or side with guy she's attracted to. I hope that clears things up a little :)
"I vill now destroy all de Snickuh barhs!" The Angel Experiment.

"You said you were going for a walk!? What kind of walk takes six hours?"
"A long one?" The Mortal Instruments

"Waiting for a special occasion to kill me? Christmas is coming" MI



Obsessing over what you regret won't get you anywhere.
— Steggy