Mixing the Motions

In the world of wonderful things,
we tend to abridge upon the wings
of an everlasting notion - commotion
that we the people live in motion.
And by this motion we tend to leave
past and transcend above our means
to meet upon wicked dreams in
which we come together - a har
mo
ny of jagged correspondable things.

And by the power vested in us -
The trees, rocks, flocks of fowl
and all the natural things - we think
alike in many ways except our natural
ways - an impasse of motion - devotion
to our own kind.

Not only do we see our light -
we make sure to show by night
just how much we differ - to sniff
out the impurities by sight.

From the mixing of the motions - life -
we started from the oceans only to
dry our likenesses on the shore -
A shore in which we call home -
our core.

Hi Jon! I'm Sporks and I'll take a stab at reviewing this.

I really like the flow of this piece, the word choice and the imagery. For your imagery, I liked it quite a lot because it wasn't a baffling overload like in other poems I've read, you balanced creating wonderful images with conveying your message. That's great!

which we come together - a har
mo
ny of jagged correspondable things.

I love this! My favorite line.

From the mixing of the motions - life -

I'm a little bit iffy about this. I read it as if you were clarifying the line "mixing of the motions" to mean "life," which you really don't need to do. In my opinion anyway.

Overall I really liked this, and I am sorry I couldn't find much to critique, but this is quite good.

~Sporks

Hello there, Flower here, and I am leaving a quick comment.

I just wanted to let you know that I adored your poem! It had a very nice flow to it, and I never got bored with it. That doesn't happen very often when I am reading something either haha. The only thing that I saw about the poem was that some of the rhyme seemed forced. I'm not really sure if it's rhyme or flow that I am speaking of right now, but whichever it's not important.

Loved it, pm me if you need me.

-Flower-