The Army (BVB)

That was very strong.
It actually gave me shivers, that how strong it was.
It was well-written and beautiful, in an odd way.
Congrats
~Wicked Wonder.

Hi, screamandshout. This was very strong and extremely good. It was well written and had a fairly good flow to it.
The only thing that I did find wrong with it was:

United we’ll stand...the army will stand.

You used the word "Stand" too close together,it ruined the flow a little,

but other than that you did a great.
So write on and PM me for anything.

~CF

What does BVB stand for? Sorry, I am stupid. Also I am sorry if I got the whole concept of this poem wring. It would really ruin my review. Please p.m. me if you have questions or you want another review on it because I completely got it wrong.

screamandshout wrote:Chose your target,
and load the gun.
United we’ll stand, I like this better "we will" it sounds stronger to me. But, that is just an opinion.
and beaten by none.

Against the world,
the army will stand. What army? This army, my army, your army, our army...
So keep the knifes at your side,
and the pens in your hand.

This is a call to the outcasts,
that the world looks down upon.
We’re all the soldiers, Are you saying that the world looks down upon soldiers or that the outcasts are soldiers? (I am pretty sure you mean unpublished writers are outcasts... but I had to read it twice.
and together we are strong.

When you know you’ve been rejected
a whole brigade we’ll send.
We’ll stitch all the wounds,
and then we’ll fight again.

So choose your target,
and load the gun.
The army will stay united,
until this war’s been won. What does winning the war mean? Being published? (personally I think that not everyone can be.)

Over all I think you could really expand on this. Explain yourself more. They way you write is really good and I have no comments on you rhyming or anything else like that.

A. S.

Hello!! Thanks for requsting a review, I love this!! I didn't read the title until the end, so I didn't know that this was inspired by them, but when I was reading this, I thought that it sounded a lot like then... I love that band, and really like this poem, it is well written and it is easy to understand, right of I know what you were talking about, and also that it must have been inspired by BVB, then I saw the title and was like, yup, I knew it!

Against the world,
the army will stand.
So keep the knifes at your side,
and the pens in your hand.

Love this line! It is my favorite out of then all.

If you ever need another review, just ask!

~Rain~

I have to ask... are you a 30 Seconds To Mars fan? This whole poem made me think of their latest album (especially the last stanza.)

I really liked this, actually. It flowed really well, and I like your writing.

So, yeah.

Hi Blackbird! Pink here
I saw this was featured and decided to check it out and I'm glad I did.
This was so strong and emotional, it gave me chills :3
I especially like how the ending and the beginning are the same except for the last line, I thought was kind of cool.
Well, I can't exactly critique this because I can't find anything that I want to point out without sounding picky.
But overall, amazing poem!
*likes*

~Shear

Wow, this is really a dramatic and powerful piece, I like it.

This is a call to the outcasts,
that the world looks down upon.
We’re all the soldiers,
and together we are strong.

This was the stanza that I had the most issues with. Something about it lacked as muchof a stable rhythm as the rest. It's still good, but it's in my opinion the weaker point of the poem just because it doesnt quite work rhythm-wise. All the same, like I said before, a really good piece.

Wow, nice one! This is really intense and super real, I love it and I can't stop reading it over and over again! *clicks like button*

- Jessica