The Riddle of The Heart

Okay, this one was inspired by Iron Man 2. When Tony Stark is told to solve the riddle of his heart, I loved that line and just had to write something about it. So I took it and related it somewhat to myself. I have had the last stanza for what seems like forever and I just finished the others. Any input is much appreciated, personally I'm thinking the third stanza needs to be changed, or just omitted, but let me know what you think.

The Riddle of The Heart

Hey! I quite like this. You said what you meant in an interesting way and also made it not only something that you can relate to yourself, but relateable for other people so they can interpret it however they want and apply it to their own situations as well.

I just think that it could flow a bit better. As I was reading it, I kind of expected the first line of the second stanza was going to be longer, because I thought the second stanza would have roughly the same amount of syllables as the first one. That would make it flow a bit better. Then again, I think the third stanza flows very nicely, and that's even shorter. Maybe if you made the first line of the second stanza "The heart is strong and it seems", then the second line "to crush and twist all minds". Or something like that. That would make it flow a bit better and also keep the transition from long to shorter lines so that the third stanza still flows. Hope that helps!

Okay I like where you're going here and this poem has some good points about it for example I don't know if you did this by accident or intended, but your poem makes use of Iambic pentameter in here. That's good. In most free writings a lot of people to do away with simple things like that, which I think it's cool that you've made use of it some how. That being said, some of your flow's kinda awkward in some places and in the last stanza though I understand it's the theme of your poem it'll probably be better to your poem's success that you get rid of the last line. All of your other stanza's are four line bars and the sudden introduction of the fifth line in the end comes out as awkward.

Also, I think the third stanza's pretty good I'd take out "our" in the fourth line for economy's sake and also because it'll help the flow out a little better for that line. Mostly I'd say you're only problem is the excess words. Chop down some of those lines but keep in mind the iambic pentameter. You won't to make it so the rhythm's still there.