Lies - preface

This is another corrected version of a proglogue to a story that I started to write last year, but was submitted on my friends account.
If there is a problem. Here is the link...and proof that this prologue was written by me, if need be, do contact defendthelegend!

viewtopic.php?t=50795

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Lies

Prologue

Sometimes I tell lies, and sometimes I only tell stories, but never with intent to harm. I only want to please people and put their minds at ease. But the stories, the interpretations, are always taken wrong [by others]. It really hurts me to think that people cannot trust me, because of what I say for I try with all my might to regain it again. But if you knew what my life was like then you would realise that there is a time when it is just too late, when you know that you have pushed it just a bit too far.

For me, life is the same old routine, nothing ever changes for the best, and it never will. Sometimes it’s just best these things are kept a secret.....but they never are. All secrets have a way of slipping out somehow, people catch the truth, and I am always the one caught in the middle of it. But it’s not just secrets that seem to hurt people really badly, sometimes the truth hurts us even more, and that’s why we lie, because we can’t bare the truth. But if the truth is the truth, then it has to be told. If there is a problem with it, it has to be sorted out. You shouldn’t have to suffer in silence; you should be able to be open from the start. But what if that opportunity isn't free, and then what do you do?

Hi. :} so i will be giving you a few tips on your writing.
I see where you are trying to go with the prologue but of course we all know the intentions and results of lying and how people accept them. If i were you i would make my prologue with an event from the book and to be me more descriptive. It would make the reader question on it.

oh p.s. i like the beginning in your second paragraph..

i hope i helped :/
If you do redo the prologue or just begin your story please PM me on it i would be very intrested in reading it!!

Aloha! It's Jessica here, and I'm here to review this.

First of all, this sounds more like part of a preface than a prolouge. Just wanted to let you know that. : ) A prolouge includes something from the story, and maybe this was from somewhere in the story but this would make a better preface with some extra editing and extending. That's just my opinion.

This is hard to read, for some reason I couldn't keep my focus and you seemed to repeat things over and over just changing the wording slightly.

Also, it's like a big jungle of commas. There's a lot of them some needed and some pointless, maybe you could take some out or add semi-colons or something.

Other than that, it's good! Keep writing and I'd love to read what happens next. Need a review? Just PM me or if you have any questions- same, PM me. : D

Keep Writing!

- Jessica

You spelled prologue wrong in the first sentence. And now you've got me spelling it wrong, I had to retype it like four times. I feel like this could easily be a poem because it floes really nice. I like it a lot.