Purple - Chapter 2, Part 1

-deleted-

Hi, it's me again!

So, I have to say I hate how Colin is just totally over her now. I mean, I was seriously rooting for the both of them but I guess that's not going to happen. Also, maybe it's just me but I dislike how she's jumping around from guy to guy. Like she likes him and then she likes that guy. I wish she stuck to one but then again, if you give up you have to find another guy, right? Plus, you said this was based on real events so I won't complain, this is quite realistic. I mean, I would be a fool to chase after one guy the entire school year. Unless I had nothing to do lol.
Okay, now she has her eyes on Archer, oh did I ever tell you how much I enjoy the names you picked out? I don't know, they're so cool! Hahaha. Anyways, I still have a few things to mention. Not to forget your quotation punctuation. Here's a link to help you out:
http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/quotes.asp
Overall, I liked this chapter and I'm getting used to your writing, even if it's missing some description it's like reading from a diary. Pm me when you post the next part, hopefully she finally decides to make a move and go for it!

~Shear

I will reiterate this again and again; you are a great writer! Keep this going, and it could go far. The only complaint I would have is that this is a fairly long piece and it's almost entirely about the main charater (sorry, her name either escapes me, or wasn't mentioned. I have a terrible memory!) debating whether she had a chance with Archer or not and whether or not Grace and Archer would break up. Add something to kick it up a knotch! Add some intense emotions and some drama! It just need more detail.

Rent

Great work!

Hey Carls,
Well first of all I'm sorry I'm so late with the reviews. With school starting and me starting seventh grade I haven't been paying very much attention to YWS. But no need to fear I'm still hear (corny but funny). First of all your writing has improved since the last time I read it. Your grammar has gotten a lot better and parts are not nearly as confusing as before. This story was very captivating and I really enjoyed reading it (no kidding.) First of all I just wanted to say go over and review before you submit because it helps your grammar skills and improves your writing. Second of all the only error that stood out to me was this:

I stayed with Harper and Allen. Grace stayed with her friends two rows up. And Archer stayed with his friends on the other side.
I was too tired and annoyed to try to think about why that might be.

I stared at the screen.
I couldn't’t believe it.
Was this for real?
“Archer Evans: Single”.
Single.
Single!
He’s single!
He broke up with Grace.
He’s single.
Maybe. Just maybe I have a chance

You need to point out where she say that Archer Evans was single. You didn't state whether it was on a cellphone screen or what. And is the event right after or later. I think when your transitioning from one setting, time, and place to another maybe you should include headings???? Or maybe you should include something that shows you are transitioning. Pm me for questions or solutions. Overall I think this was one of your really good pieces and I am going to read the next one right now .

-lilgreendots