That's Why I Hate My Name ~contest entry~

~This is for Skins' opening lines contest. Also, this isn't meant to be descriptive or anything, simply a girl telling her feelings in a vague way. Still, all comments are appreciated, even if they tell me that my style sucks~

I never liked my name. It stands for everything I hate, everything I’m ashamed of.

My name is Mary Lynn La Duke. I was named Mary after my mother, Lynn after her mother, my grandmother. I don’t know why they would name me that. Was it to torture the men of my family?

When my mother was nine her mother left.

When I was eleven my mother left.

All that's left is me, a painful reminder to my father and grandfather of the heartbreak they faced.

They don't care who I date; in fact, the worse a boy is the more they encourage the relationship. They probably think that, like my mother, I'll just leave him early on in the marriage, so why set me up with someone who deserves better?

I wish they wouldn't assume the worst of me. I can't blame them, not after what they've been through, but I still wish they cared, and about me, not the poor sucker I'll end up with.

Can't they see I'm not my mother? My mother, who used the actions of her mother as an excuse instead of a reason to try harder, to stay determined to keep the marriage lasting. But I won't take the pain and deal it out to my own children like she's dealt it out to me. No kid deserves that.

That's why I dumped Kevin. I'm not going to set myself up for failure. I want--no, I need--a guy who'll actually be worth staying with. And Kevin, well he isn't that guy. He's a player my father wants me to date.

Ironic, isn't it? Most fathers pass out at the thought of their only daughter falling for the local bad boy. Not mine. He's the one who encouraged the relationship, let Kevin treat me like crap.

The only excuse I can give him is that he wants him hurt like he was, that he wanted to spare someone I could actually love. Sometimes I have to keep repeating that in my head, over and over, at times when my dad introduces me to the latest jerk on his agenda.

The thing is, I can only take so many jerks. They're heart breakers, nothing more. Every time I met another, I'd think "Maybe he's different. Maybe he can change." How ignorant I was. I can't change them, not one. I'm not so naive anymore; if I want a good guy, he's got to start that way.

Which is why I talked to Mark today. He's a good guy. I know I'm setting myself up for failure here, trying to get someone too good for me, but I can't help it. I need a nice guy. He'll probably break my heart, just like all the rest, but at least when he does it, it won't be because he's found some other tramp to knock up. This time, it'll be because I don't deserve him. And I can live with that. I just can't live with being used, not anymore.

Yet, everyone thinks that I'll be like my mom and grandmother. They think I'll be loose, easy to catch and easier to drop.

That's why I hate my name. Too many ties to family that never loved me, and too many reminders to the only ones that do.

The beginning was a bit confusing for me, so try reading it aloud to yourself tomorrow to catch your mistakes.

The best part for me was the ending, those last two lines were the bread and butter of it all.
I don't think it's quite ready to be submitted for a contest quite yet. You have a few grammatical and spelling errors that you need to catch first, so again, reread it when you've been away from it for awhile.

I didn't like that you said her mother didn't try to make the marriage work, it sounds like something someone really young would say. Usually marriages don't work because people pick the wrong people, they either settle too soon or get forced into settling too soon, so maybe you can include that in the story. Shotgun wedding perhaps? It would deepen the speakers sense of guilt if she knew that she was the only reason her parents were married in the first place, but still not enough to keep them together.

Keep writing

Hey I am going to review your work
Nice opening!

I never liked my name. It stands for everything I hate, everything I’m ashamed of.

I don't understand how this is relivant?

When my mother was nine her mother left.

This is a little too random..you just came in with it..you didn't really build it up.

They don't care who I date; in fact, the worse a boy is the more they encourage the relationship.

Maybe you could look at it from a different point of view...the bad boy could protect you? He will have your back1

Ironic, isn't it? Most fathers pass out at the thought of their only daughter falling for the local bad boy. Not mine. He's the one who encouraged the relationship, let Kevin treat me like crap.

This doesn't make sense, you've been saying all along that your father doesn't love you...you have just contradicted yourself?

That's why I hate my name. Too many ties to family that never loved me, and too many reminders to the only ones that do.

Other than that it's pretty good, nice concept, you just need to tie a few things up, then it's good!
Good luck in the contest!