Ice Cold Fire: Chapter Two Pt 1

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1747
Reviews 135
This is the third installment of my novel Ice Cold Fire. Once again, I suggest you read the forward and chapter one first. Now I already know that my history is a little rusty, so if you're going to comment on that give me some ideas on what really happened during that time period and don't just tell me I know nothing about it. Enjoy!

Chapter Two

I went through the hole but didn't end up in my room. Instead I fell from the sky and landed on a pile of hay. I felt grateful that at least it was a soft landing. I looked around and realized it wasn't raining anymore. In fact, I was sweating through my jacket and the son was high in the sky without a cloud in sight. It was weird. I felt like I had just went through a transporter.
I got up and my legs felt fine. I could have outran that fog now. But just a minute ago I couldn't move when I tried to outrun it. I looked around and saw animals. There were animals of all kinds, pigs, sheep, goats, chickens, a dog, horses, and all kinds of other animals. Now I knew I must have been on a farm. But a farm in the middle of Chicago? Or was I in Chicago anymore? What if that fog was some sort of miracle of science and it took me to a completely different city? How would I get back to my parents? But would they want me back?
I was interrupted from my thinking process when I saw a man. He had on overalls and he had a pitchfork in his hands. I knew at once he must have been the farmer that owned all this. “Hey!” he yelled as he came up to me. “What are you doing on top of my hay? Don't you know this is private property?”
“Where am I?” I asked him.
But he didn't seem to interested in telling me anything. “On my property! Now get off or I'll have to call the authorities!”
“Okay, okay.” This man didn't seem like the type of guy to be messed with, so I just ran to the property line and got as far away as possible.
“And stay off!” I heard him yell after me.
I came off his property and looked around. Now I knew I wasn't in Chicago anymore, because all I saw was open field. Chicago had nothing but buildings. You couldn't find much open space anywhere.
Now I realized I had other problems. I didn't even know where I was, so how was I supposed to get home? This field looked like it could go on for miles. The thought scared me. I started to think up a plan, but then jumped two feet when I saw a woman right next to me.
“Whoa!” I shouted. “Where did you come from?” I looked at her closely and decided she looked like she was in her late thirties or early forties. She had blonde hair and from what I could see green eyes. Her hair was fairly long, and she was wearing a very old fashioned dress. I didn't know her, but she kind of scared me. “Can I help you?” I asked her. The fact that she was just staring at me scared me even more.
“Hello Nathan,” she said with a small smile.
I gave her a funny look. Who was Nathan? “You must have me confused with someone else,” I tried to tell her as nicely as I could. Which was hard considering how annoyed I was. “I'm Austin. Austin Maze.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, still smiling.
“Of course I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be sure of my own name? I've had it since I was born.”
“But how do you know?”
“From my parents and my birth certificate, where else?”
“But how do you know those things are right?”
Okay I really didn't have time for this. This crazy lady was really starting to annoy me. I had always been taught to respect people, but I had bigger problems to worry about then some insane woman on the street. “Listen I really have to go. I have a personal problem I need to deal with. So if you don't mind.”
Instead of answering me she picked up a piece of hay. “Some things are not always as they seem,” she said quietly. She moved her fingers around the hay and started to chant something that sounded really evil. I watched in amazement as it turned into a really dark colored bird. Then it flew out of her hands and into the sky.
“How...how did you do that?” I stuttered. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't just seen it with my own eyes.
She once again smiled. But I was too curious right now to think it was weird. “Some people are not normal. They can do things no human can comprehend.”
“You mean like magicians?”
“Oh no. These people are much more complex than that. They can do real magic. Magic that the human eye doesn't understand.”
I had no clue what she meant by what she just said. But there was just something about this lady that was weird. I knew what she just did wasn't out of any book a normal person made. That was different. It sounded really dark, like I should have been afraid of it. But yet, I wasn't. I didn't know how to explain it. “Who are you?” I asked her.
“My name's Emma,” she replied simply.
“But how did you do what you just did?”
“Nathan-”
“Austin,” I corrected. I didn't know where she was getting Nathan from. I had never heard that name before in my life.
“Okay Austin. Let me explain something to you. There are two kinds of people in this world. There are the mortals and then there are the super mortals. They're mortal in a way, but then they have a lot more than just a mortal. So they're not immortal, but not mortal either. Hence the reason they're called super mortals.”
“Super mortals?” I asked. I was starting to lose respect for her, even if I did just watch her turn a piece of hay into a bird.
“Yes super mortals. They can do things like turn objects into animals, like you just saw. A better word for it would be magic. But it's not the happy fairy magic you see in movies, it's much different. It's darker. Everyone says we work with the devil, but trust me we don't. None of us have ever even seen him.”
“Okay, and this has what to do with me?” I was kind of afraid of the answer, but I decided to ask anyway.
“Well you see Austin, you and I are both super mortals.”
“What? I'm a super mortal?”
“Well a better term for it would be a witch.”
“A witch?” Okay now I've completely lost all respect I ever had for her. “Okay I've met some pretty crazy people in my lifetime, but I think you win. You don't even know me. How can you say I'm a witch?”
“Oh but I do know you Nathan. I know you all too well.”
Now she was starting to freak me out. “Can you at least tell me where I am?” The sooner I got away from her the better.
“You're in the year 1812. On a farm it looks like in Chicago Illinois.”
“The year 1812?” This lady must have been doped up on some sort of drug. I wasn't going to deal with this anymore. I really had other problems to deal with right now. “I have to go. Goodbye.” Then I attempted to walk away.
“Nathan wait.” I ignored her. My name wasn't Nathan. “I'm your mother. Your biological one I mean.”
This completely took me by surprise. My mother? I had said I always wanted to meet my birth parents, but now I wasn't so sure. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to look at her. “Really?” I asked. “You mean the one that abandoned me and left me in an old box of an old house? I really don't care.” Then I turned around and kept walking.
“But I did that for your protection!” she shouted to me. “They were after you, so I wanted to keep you safe.” I ignored her and just kept walking. I really didn't know what she was on. “Be careful! If you need me, I'll be there! I promise!”
I walked completely away from the farm and came to what looked like a city. But it was no ordinary city. It was mostly open field, with some really old fashioned houses. Where was I?
I looked around and saw some kids playing marbles on the streets. Kids didn't do that anymore, or at least I thought. Then I saw a group of men talking and walking. I knew they could tell me where I was, so I got their attention and came up to them. “Hey can you guys tell me where I am?” I asked them.
They all just laughed like I had just told a joke. “You're in Chicago,” one of them told me. “And what in the heck are you wearing?”
I looked down. All I was wearing was a hoodie and jeans. I didn't see anything weird about that. But when I looked around I realized everyone else was wearing old fashioned clothes. The women were all in dresses and the men were all in old pants. There wasn't a pair of jeans to be found.
“How old are you guys?” I asked them. They looked at least twenty-five.
“Sixteen of course,” one of them replied.
“You're sixteen?” I asked. I was shocked. They didn't look like sixteen year olds at all. They were my age and I saw absolutely no resemblance. “Well can you guys tell me what year this is?”
They all laughed again. Apparently they found me very funny, and I wasn't even trying to be. “1812 duh. Like it has been all year.”
“I think this guy's a nut case,” one of them whispered. “What kind of idiot would ask what year it was?” They all started to laugh again and I saw a man come up. I wasn't even going to try to guess his age, because I knew I would be wrong.
“What are you boys doing?” he asked them. “Didn't I tell you guys to get that stuff? Now get a move on.” They all walked away immediately. They looked like they were afraid of him.
He looked at me and gave me a frown. “And who might you be?” he asked. “I haven't seen you around.”
“I'm Austin Maze. And yeah I'm not really from around here.”
“Austin Maze? That's a strange name. Your parents must have been very interesting people. You don't get many Austin's around here. But I guess that's what you should expect from a guy wearing those clothes.” He pointed to my jeans and hoodie. “But I thought Mr. Maze only had one son. Are you related to him in some way?”
I had no clue who he was talking about, so I decided it was best not to get into anything I couldn't get myself out of. “No sir. Me and my family just moved here, so we don't know anyone in town yet.”
“Oh I see. Well don't be strangers. Tell your parents I can help them find their way around town. The new people usually like me.”
“Okay sir. And thanks.” Then he walked away.
Okay one thing was for sure. I really was in the year 1812. This was insane! Everything I ever thought was a myth was now staring at me in the face. Witches, time travel, it was all something I thought was crazy before. But yet here I was now, in a different year and being told I was a witch. It hurt my head to think about it.
Now I knew there was only one thing I possibly could do. The only person I think could help me was that woman I saw earlier. She seemed to be the only person who understood what was going on. But how would I find her?
Last edited by stargazer9927 on Sun Oct 31, 2010 6:02 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Let's eat mom.
Let's eat, mom.
Good grammar saves lives :D




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1106
Reviews 614
Ok. There is a big, big flaw with your writing for me. You are telling rather than showing. Let me explain.

You say - " Instead I fell through the sky onto a bail of hay."


This is so, so over simplistic for such a life-threatening moment for your main character. As a reader I want to know much, much more. How your character is feeling? What's going through their minds? What is being felt? Seen? Smelt?

There are loads of essays on the net about this.
Previously known as "Phorcys"
Witherwings Harry Potter RPG



The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451