I see a lot of pain in this poem. The speaker has been rejected and is trying to pass through life without confronting his problem. I see all this hurt and pain but I don't feel it. I don't feel like there are some one's feeling being bared to me. In verses 8-11 I kinda feel like the poem was gonna turn in a emo pity party and I wanted nothing to do with it. I did really like the beginning because I was so vague and mysterious but then verses 8-11 ruined the mystery . As I got to the last part it felt like the speaker was putting on a cool-guy front. I like it your poem.
Tobias: Well, I don’t want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn’t help.
Great piece... I really like the last stanza.. I think I would try to take the depth to another level and perhaps add in some description. I think that it would improve what is already a really good piece.
I kind of agree with eyesxsewnxopen. I see the pain and the rejection and how the narrator is trying to pass through life. I also agree with what she is saying about not being able to feel it. There isn't much in there to really evoke emotion within the reader, however, i don't mind this. The reason I don't mind this is that the poem talks about running from the pain instead of facing it. By excluding the emotion you almost prove the last stanza, that staying naive is best because that way you don't make the mistake of knowing. It's almost like the speaker is keeping the hurt from us on purpose. In realising this I felt the emotion, because most people know how it feels to wish you couldn't feel. I would just say you need to be careful about the emotion you put in because most people don't read into things like I do haha
I really enjoyed it Good Job! xx
'The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, The more I will respect myself' - Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë.
Good Job! xx
