Last Letter

*This is something I made up for the GOYLBAWs contest*

Momma,

If I could cry, I would be crying right now. If I could be in your arms again, I would stay there forever. If I could come back, I would never leave your side. You are the person I love most, and it hurts me to know that this is the last letter I will be able to write to you. Yes, this is the last you will hear from me, because I am going away and can't come back. So, I'm going to make it good.

I remember whenever we would drive in the car with the radio on, you would dance. Everytime, I said "I'm so glad these window's are tinted!" If I could do it over again, I would dance with you.

Do you remember how you always said to me "Death is never sad, unless the person never lived."? I will remember that forever.

I want to tell you something...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was always so difficult. I'm sorry I never listened. I'm sorry I took you for granite. Most of all, I'm sorry for what I last said to you.

Do you recall telling me "Never go to sleep with hate in your heart, because you don't know if you'll wake up."? I think it should be changed to something like this "Never harbor hate in your heart, because you never know which moment will be your last."

Now, I'm done remembering the past. And I'm afraid that is all I have to say. Everything, except one thing...I don't hate you. I love you. And please, please, don't be mad at me for leaving. I didn't have a choice..

I love you,
Gigi

Hey I am going to review your work today!


Do you remember how you always said to me "Death is never sad, unless the person never lived."? I would get rid of the fullstop and put the question mark inside the speech marks

I want to tell you something...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was always so difficult. I'm sorry I never listened. I'm sorry I took you for granite. Do you mean granted?

And please, please, don't be mad at me for leaving. I didn't have a choice.. Don't start a sentence with And!

Other than that it is really good, and really touched me, although I would like to know a little background information, I still feel a bit confused as to what you mean
Well done, nice work!

Hello.

I found the reason behind death could have been clarified a little more. Right now, your narrator sounds young (I'd put her as young as 10, old as 13) and this sounds like she was killed by some external force. This little unanswered thread leaves a pretty big hole in the backstory: why is she even writing the letter in the first place? That key piece of information leaves this feeling incomplete.

There were also a few punctuation things I'm not so sure on. Primarily, your use of ."? It doesn't read well, with the period ending the sentence once and the question mark ending the sentence twice. I'd cut the period to make the sentence flow slightly better. Another punctuation slip-up is the two dots after "I didn't have a choice." It should be one, for a full-stop, or three, for a trail-off.

The letter itself didn't really do that much for me. It sounded like a classic case of appreciating your parents while you still had the chance, almost to the point of wondering if it was the mother who had died. This was partially because the narrator sounded so young, partially because the key piece of information (why she died) is missing.

Overall, I'd work on slipping in the reason for death in a bit more, and trying to put a new twist on the old regret idea.

Hope this helps! PM me if you have any questions.

~Rosey