Heartstrings

Okay.. so this was inspired by the phrase "Tripping over our hearts". I really don't know what to think of this one. Any criticism? Feel free to tear it apart, as usual.
Thanks for reading!

We’re falling over our heartstrings
laid out like tripwires,
waiting for us with sinister smiles.
But the floor,
the floor isn’t so bad,
because when I look up, there you are
laughing and holding my hand saying,
“Hey, if I go down,
you’re coming with me.”

Hey,

That is very sweet and very short. I was intrigued about how you would tackle something like this and yet again, you didn't disappoint.

We’re falling over our
heartstrings

I think that maybe that should be on one line not two, it dropped a bit of pace that's all.

waiting for us with sinister smiles.

I didn't get this line so if you could explain to me that would be great.

the floor isn’t so bad
because when I look up, there you are
laughing and holding my hand saying
“Hey, if I go down,
you’re coming with me.”

That is such a sweet ending. When I first saw the length of the piece I thought that there was no way all the key components of a good poem where going to be there and I am happy to say I was very wrong. It had emotion, description and depth. The length actually didn't affect which is rare for the genre this poem is in. Well done again XD Keep this up.

~Retro Disco666

Hey Coral!

It's me, Pink (no duh)
But yes, I saw you posted another poem and I usually read all the ones you post but for some reason I really like this one.
Like, it's gotta be my favorite. I noticed that all your poems are quite short but they get the point across, I kind of wish you made some longer and added some more description though. Remember, I'm not a poem person, so yeah.
Still, loved it!
*likes*

~Pink

Oddly enough, I wrote a poem with the same title a year or two back (since changed simply to Strings, heh). Though, yours is nicer.
I love the "sinister smiles." I can picture heartstrings grinning wickedly at me.
I'd suggest changing the 1st line break like so:

We're falling over
our heartstrings laid out like tripwires,

The ending's sweet. It's kind of random and spontaneous, but I like that, even though it really contrasts with the opening, which to me seems really mechanical/ordered what with the tripwires and sinister smiles.

Wow, I'm not going to lie, but this could have turned out horrible. But it didn't, and usually never does with you! The vocabulary was good and it wasn't confusing at all. The ending was sweet, a little rushed. More would be nice, but this short little poem is great as it is.
Keep Writing,

~Crimson

Very short and to the point, that is what I like! I agree with the above, the title is so enticing that it leaves a lot to be desired. Fortunately, for me at least, you pulled it off with great success. Wonderful poem, and as always, keep writing!

Hey!

I thought this was rather lovely. It was short, simple and sweet.

Lil' nitpicks:

Persephoneia wrote:We’re falling over our heartstrings
laid out like tripwires,
waiting for us with sinister smiles.
But the floor,
the floor isn’t so bad, I think you should rephrase this line, maybe cut out "But the floor" and instead put "But the floor isn't so bad actually," cuz it kinda breaks up the flow here.
because when I look up, there you are,
laughing and holding my hand saying,
“Hey, if I go down,
you’re coming with me.”

Other than that, good job.
Thanks for the nice read, and keep writing! =)