Young Writers Society

Today I
glanced
at a tangerine.
It was
green.
Edit 1:
The tangerine
screamed.

It took me well over an hour and plenty of editing. Please tare this peice apart, critique harshly, for I would love to know how to improve this.

Thank you!

~Crim

Hey Crimson, I will be your reviewer for today! *sarcastically*
I love you for putting this up! This poem is amazing in it's simplicity! You deserve a gold star! Now how to make this review count....It was amazing, I loved it, you rock, the poem rocks my socks off. Ok now it counts! XD

Your amazing reviewer *sarcasm*,
KAH

KAH, this was amazing! This review told me all I wanted to know *cough*hear*cough*! xD

This poem...brought tears to my eyes, made me laugh like a little schoolgirl...such a moving piece!

Anyway, this poem makes my brain hurt. I want more details! How did the tangerine taste? Smell? Feel? Did it make any sounds? Can it play smooth jazz??

- G

Gah... *shakes head in amazement* Such an intriguing concept. I am proud to have played a part in inspiring the creation of this work. So many layers of meaning to be unpeeled... not unlike... A TANGERINE! Yes, this poem works on so many levels.

XD

;D I'm so glad that it is so well loved!

I love the title. It really defines the poem.

Crimsona wrote:It was
green.

I also really loved this line. so many people forget to put good to honest imagery in their poetry, and this really gave me a picture of the tangerine. I'm not going to lie-- I even cried a little bit. This poem is amazing. AMAZING. Please keep writing, you are extremely gifted, and I am jealous.

heybeccahey wrote:I love the title. It really defines the poem.

Crimsona wrote:It was
green.

I also really loved this line. so many people forget to put good to honest imagery in their poetry, and this really gave me a picture of the tangerine. I'm not going to lie-- I even cried a little bit. This poem is amazing. AMAZING. Please keep writing, you are extremely gifted, and I am jealous.

Thank you, I'm so glad that people enjoy reading this, and that it touched you enough to cry! I feel so... touched.

Hahahahaha! Love this!

TheMadHatter wrote:Hahahahaha! Love this!

Great! I'm so glad.

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

This is rather ridiculous. Funny. And I gather that this was a little bit of nonsense? But, I think, you should say the tangerine is "pink" Green just doesn't cut it. It seems far too realistic to be green if you want this to be nonsensical *hint*.

*like*

Yours,
Lavvi

You could totally turn this into a haiku - it has seventeen syllables! Like this:

Today I glanced at
a tangerine. It was green.
The tangerine screamed.

Of course, it's not quite so poignant to be a deep haiku - there's no particular message to it, apart from that if you're serious about tangerines screaming at you, then you're probably a bit mad. Still,If you really wanted, you could take out the screaming part and make it somehow deep - you glanced at a tangerine and it was green, which means... I don't know, you need to go shopping? Okay, I fail at making this serious. But I still think it's very fun, partially because people can look at it and try to find some deeper hidden meaning.

This happends to be the most amazing poem I have ever read in my entire life. Your imagry is amazing, this is my favorite part
Today I(amazing)
glanced(breath-taking)
at a tangerine.(oh my!)
It was(*tear*)
green.(Green? Oh noes! D:)
The tangerine(immpecible)
screamed.(ahhhhh! See, I'm scared too)
see, all of it! Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
I can not express my true feeling for this because I am crying so hard. Can I have a hanky? You should give out free hankies with this poem, it would only make sense, since so many people are crying. Seriously, I am sobbing, sobbing! I don't know where you get your talent, but I want it! please share! You are taking all the talent of the world and taking it for yourself. Where would we be without you? Your word choice is immpecable, seriously, green? how did you come up with that? And I can practically feel the tangerine's feelings, it takes a true artist to make me feel this way, trust me, I'm a harsh critic. Well, don't deprive the world of your talent! Write on, Miss, write on. *dabs eyes*

Wow. This was just so brilliantly funny, yet simple

I really have nothing to add, except:

LavenderBlue wrote:I think, you should say the tangerine is "pink" Green just doesn't cut it. It seems far too realistic to be green if you want this to be nonsensical

pffle, don't listen, besides, pink doesn't rhyme with 'scream', does it?

well, I really don't know what else to say... I think I'll steer clear of tangerines for a while though ^_^

Keep up the writing!

~Tinkem