farewell

This is my farewell

To the love,

I once knew

This is my farewell

My last words for you

My goodbye,

To the guy I once knew

My love,

My loss,

Im setting you free

Cant you see?

Just go,

Fly away,

From me and this place,

The ruins of my life,

Fly just fly,

Be happy,

Meet the right girl,

She isnt me

Why wont you see?

I broke your heart

I can break it again

You broke mine

I broke yours

Its over

Done

Finished

Im sorry

For the pain

The lies

Im only hurting you now

Just go

If you don’t

I will

So goodbye

Farewell

To the one I once knew

farewell

Hello,


I think this will be my 100th review so I thank you for that XD


The thing I don't like about this piece is that it has no structure. No stanzas or anything. I would put some of them into place, as it makes the poem seem more childish and less serious and rubs off the message you are giving us.

To the actual content. I really liked it, I thought as far as break up poems go this was quite good. Although when you just repeated phrases I don't think it did much for the piece other than farewell. Just a thought.
Even though your content was good there wasn't much to read into which is what people look for in poems. This had to be taken at face value, but I think that may be because of the structure.
Keep Writing

~Retro Disco666

Hi! Pink here

So, I agree with what Retrodisco said about the whole stanza and thing. I felt like it kept going and there were no breaks, but even so, it did flow well for me.
I also thought that the repetition of farewell near the end was weird and it didn't work for me. I would suggestion maybe something along the lines of 'this is my last goodbye to you' or something like that. I don't know. But overall, the message was good and I liked reading this.
Keep it up!

~Pink

I thought this was a sweetly written piece.. however, there are some things I would recommend changing. I would add in some description, emotionally. This is a pretty bare piece as is. I would also change the structure. The double lines made it seem to go on forever, especially when there weren't any evident stanzas. I would think about broadening your word choice, especially towards the end when you have the one-worded lines. Otherwise, I think this was quite good.. like I said. Very sweet.

Nice write!

-Coral-