-

.

LOL. I have no idea how to review this, because it doesn't seem like a story, and it's, like, a whole bunch of ideas, plus there's no grammar wrong that i could find. Good job though, it was an interesting so Write on, and PM me for anything.

~ CF

It whizzes in the atom, where you cannot know both energy and position, so are lost in that tiny space.

This sentence makes no sense, and I think it may be missing a most crucial word. Did you mean "so you/both are lost..."?

It is in music.

I just had to say I adored this sentence. It's juxtaposition with the length of the previous sentence makes the simplicity and brevity all the more poetic.

My eyelids burn red, the red of light that aches to get through, but I must think.

How is this possible if you're lying face-down with your head buried in the crook of your arm? Where is the light coming from?

that clutter my desk, my drawers(comma) can

I do it anyway.

The "it" here is extremely ambiguous. Was this intentional?

It is in days like this(comma) I think of Macbeth.

Art turns away from me.

Tense shift. I suggest starting a new paragraph.

But that is not my first love, nor even my last.

"Nor" is more appropriate than "not" in this case, I believe.

I love thunderstorms and cartwheels and fruit and poetry and watching the clouds play shadow-puppet upon the sky.

I just love the image of clouds playing shadow-puppet across the sky. Love love love.

You did a good job of connecting seemingly unrelated details and tangents in a chaotically organized fashion until you came back full-circle. Aside from the parts I pointed out, this flowed very well, even with the introduction of all those details and tangents, and I really felt that the structure of this piece reinforced the theme of organized chaos and self-contradiction. Again, aside from what issues I pointed above, there's nothing I can see to critique.

If this is how you wrote before coming to YWS, I can't wait to see what other things you'll write in the future.