Cold Blooded

This was inspired by another piece that was up here at one point, called "We All Are Birds".
Just the title.. the rest was a random outpouring of thought.



We are all birds
with hidden wings
and lightened hearts
using air currents to further ourselves
in a cold blue world.
The wind lifts us up
but can send us tumbling down
to a warmer earth
where traffic must be dodged
on the sidewalks and the streets.

Aren’t we all just looking
for a place to roost?
Finding monetary twigs
and sun reflectors
coins for the want-to-be-wealthies?
Aren’t all of our lives
dependent on something
like the oil in the feathers
or the downy ones beneath
keeping our cold blood warm
on lonely winter nights?

I love this, especially "aren't we all just looking for a place to roost?"

OMG. Yes. That piece was awesome, I remember. And I remember thinking of the same thing that you wrote a poem about. XD

Anyway, your poem!

There's something lacking in it... I'm not sure what. I think it may be a lack of verbs though. Right now, you have minimal verbs, which makes it flow a little bit stiffly, especially since, when I think of birds, it's also very active. I mean, I remember that once I was watching an air show from afar and watching the planes twist and dive, and suddenly, this bird, which was about the size of the planes, blocked the planes and started twisting and diving in such a beautiful, quick, graceful way that I wondered why I even bothered watching the air show. So, if you're going to use birds as a metaphor, I would like a little bit quicker words... if that makes sense. It seems needlessly heavy now.

Teehee, I'm happy to have inspired you!!

I'm not much of a poet, so I'm not going to critique this. But, I will say that if my novel, We All Are Birds. gets published, I'm SO contacting you to put this in there haha This poem is beautiful!

-Once <3

You have a strong grasp on theme here, and the images you use are also very strong.

However, I'd suggest using a bit more. Poetry is, of course, extremely subjective and generally rule-less, but I think that this piece could really benefit from a bit more imagery, and maybe a little less directness. Because what you have here is the narrator explaining his/her ideas about humans (which are great, by the way), and I think maybe it could be benefited by making that a little more obscure, a little more vividly focusing on the metaphor of birds while still clearly linking them to humans...

I'm starting to feel that I'm not making sense, so I'll stop.

Great work, though.