Dragon Knight Legacy - Prologue

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Sorry, at the top of my first messaage where it says, "do hesitate to let me know." I meant to say, "do 'not' hesitate to let me know." Didn't mean to overlook that.

Welcome to YWS, Dynamo!

You want to know something helpful?

Sorry, at the top of my first messaage where it says, "do hesitate to let me know." I meant to say, "do 'not' hesitate to let me know." Didn't mean to overlook that.

There's a button for editing at the top of each post you make. Isn't that wonderful? Then you'll know people aren't hesitating to critique because of such an error.

Sorry I can't give a critique right now. While you're waiting, you can critique a couple other people's work or read the rules.

~Jacquie~

now that is a sweet story, sounds a little like the matrix, the one frees the people, dies, new one to save the people again, it is a really good start to a hopefully equally good story, keep it up, and keep posting, i will be hear to read it all.

Would you like this to be moved to Fantasy Fiction?

Thanks for replying to my post. It means a lot to me that people would take the time to read my stuff. It took me about a year and a half just to finish the whole rough draft of my story. I put a lot of heart into the things I write. When I get the good copy of my story finished, I plan to get it published just like Christopher Paolini and "Eragon."






By the way, I don't want this to be moved to Fantasy Fiction. This is just the prologue of my story, explaining where I'm coming from with my ideas. The actual story itself consists of the main character traveling around an ancient continent called Horagothien hunting down the dragon that ruined his life.


(The quote below is the philosophy I live by)

Great start, it sounds one of those movies were you see some old wise man reading a prophsey out of a old, large book. I didn't really like the fact that dragons are evil in your story, but I'll deal with it. Anyways, so far this is really good and I hope you continue, I'd love to read more.

When I get the good copy of my story finished, I plan to get it published just like Christopher Paolini and "Eragon."

Me too! Good luck with that!

P.S. Sorry if you wanted me to critique, I'm not good with them. I'm the kind of person who can't tell anyone that's better than her that they did something bad or wrong.

The plot was good , so was the plot but you should have put more discription . i would expect much less from a 16 year old (you,meaning that your writing is very advanced ). keep on writing

Okay, you want critique, then prepare yourself.

Billions of years ago before the "Big Bang" there was a being of divine power believed to be more powerful than all the Gods combined, Krazatan, The Chaos Dragon.

there is something very wrong with this sentence.
First off, the "Big Bang". Why is it being mentioned here. Correct me if im wrong but isnt the Big Bang a science-based theory as to how our world started? It has or shouldn't have any bearing at all in a story about another world.
Secondly "a being of divine power" that doesn't sit right with me.How can a creature of Chaos be divine? Maybe you could change that to "a being of infinite power".
Thirdly "more powerful than all the Gods combined," If there were Gods back then why did they not create the world or have anything to do with the creation of the world; with the creation of man. Also were they not jealous or fearful of the Great Dragon's power? Maybe you could revise that part and make it so that a Celestial War broke out and the massive amounts of energy somehow blah blah blah, see where Im going?

Also where did this dragon come from. You dont end up explaining how anything was created, certainly not the universe. You just say that he exploded and that the remnants of his spirit landed on Earth (which just mysteriously appeared?)

I may seem harsh, but Im just trying to show you that if your going to explain how the universe was created then you'd best cover everything. One last thing; something as fantastical and magical as your story is turning out to be, might be better if told in the form of somone telling the story to other ppl. Like a grandfather enetertaining his grandchildren or something.

Other than all that your fine and its well written.
Thats all I have to say.

Just to let you all know, if you get a chance to read more of my story you'll find out that the dragons aren't actually evil. But, rather they are evil in the eyes of man. Man fear what they do not understand, and that is why the Dragon Knight Legacy was writen in the views of man.

And by the way, JiqSaw, the Big Bang that was mentioned in the prologue, it wrote it as being created by the Chaos Dragon. "The power of 100 billion supernovas split apart the dragon into five seporate spirits." And the story is not taking place in another world, its taking place on Earth. The story itself is being told on a continent that gets destroyed due to an epic battle in the end of my seiries. (destryoed as in what happined to Atlantis) If you read more closely you would have noticed that bit about Earth. About the part of chaos being divine, that will be left for later in my story. And its "divine power," it doesn't mean that the creature itself is divine, only that its powers were so great that they seemed divine. When it says, "more powerful than all the gods combine." Remember, this is in the views of man. At their time they believed that gods did exist and some even believed that Krazatan created them all in the explosion, although it wasn't relivent enough to mention in the prologue. The dragon was originally created before the universe. Most of the legacy is based on theory, no one knows where the dragon came from. I don't mean to be harsh with my replies.

And by the way, you all can be as harsh as you want to me with your critisism. Its goood for me, it gives me a perspective of how everyone, not just me, thinks of what I write. I will not be angry, nor will I be hurt with any future critisism.

(P.S. Thankyou, JiqSaw, for your insightful critisism.)

I thought the Big Bang was meant when the dinosaurs were wiped out. That was my first thought.

I do have one question; what are these Gods? Who are they before the Chaos Dragon? And what was their role?

Other than that, this is a cool story, I think. I like dragons so this got my interest right away. I didn't catch any grammar errors, so kudos to you on that.

I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into this story; it does show. I'll try and check back and read the next installment.

To answer your question, fishr, the fact about the gods you are talking about is being left open to give my readers something to think about. You have to remember, I wrote this Legacy as a legend written by the theories of man. Man in this story believes that the gods were created by Krazatan during the Big Bang. No solid proof of this is presented though. I'm giving my readers a chance to read "between the lines," so that their thoughts may contribute to what will happen later on in the story.

Before anyone else asks me any questions about my story, take a chance to think about what I wrote. Try to understand why I wrote it and how it may link up with my story later on. But, that's totally up to you. I'm just happy that you all show such interest in my work.