Bullies: One, Losers: None, Teacher: I Don't Really Care

With binder in my hand,
I head to my doom,
I head to the horror,
I head to the room.

With converse on my feet,
And a skirt to my knees,
A blouse tucked in neatly,
Don’t make fun of me, please.

My glasses are big,
But that’s not my fault,
It’s the doctors really,
That stupid adult.

And speaking of grown-ups,
There’s one right here,
Sitting back mindlessly,
In his stiff office chair.

He looks at me,
I look at him,
While everything happens again,
And again, and again.

He tells us so frequently,
That’s he’s been here before,
But then why on earth,
Doesn’t he try to help us more?

‘Cause I can’t take this crap any longer

Wow. I love the simplicity! Often when I try rhyming, it comes off cheesey, but this is good.

In the section

iheartbooks wrote:And speaking of grown-ups,
There’s one right here,
Sitting back mindlessly,
In his stiff office chair.

I love the detail of his chair, and how you described the adult. I can relate, and even though there's not tons of detail here, I can imagine an older male teacher sitting in his chair, oblivious to everything going on.

Great poem!

The only thing I'd watch out for is it was a little repetative in places. "again and again and again" or "I head to... I head to... I head to..."
It works well in this poem, but be cautious of it in your other poetry .

Honestly, the rhyming scheme came off as kind of sing-songy to me. Which irks me. Quite a bit.
But at least it was consistent.

You seem to spend more time on the girl's appearance than any emotional issues, or bullying at all. I would change back the focal point to what you meant it to be in the first place. I would also omit the first "again" in "While everything happens again,"... it throws off the rhythm, and sounds overly redundant when you have two others following it.

Overall, nice job for what is was.. I'm a bit bias since I'm not crazy about rhymes. I do think you got a bit side-tracked though.

-Coral-

Wow! This is soooooo true! I love the irony of teachers teaching us about bullying and discrimination and self-esteem, then doing nothing when someone says, 'That's so gay', or 'Go back to the kitchen', and 'You're retarded'.

Anyway, kind of went on a rant there... One thing I noticed: in the second stanza, it should be doctor, not doctors. Oh! And in the last stanza, if you take out 'try to' so the line is "Doesn't he help us more?" I think that would flow better.

I read it, and my first impression was shallow. And I'll tell you why-

It's hard to convey emotions using only words and paper, especially when all you're doing is giving insights as to who you are and what happens in your life. While these words may contain some weight or value to you, it's hard for me to relate. However, lines like this portrayed better emotion and connected more easily with my mind:

While everything happens again,
And again, and again.

Instead of rhyming imagery, it gave me something perpetual to think about, something that I'll probably ponder later-I wonder if what she meant by that was that school everyday is monotonous. Or maybe the word "everything" was meant to be inclusive of life, which would hint at broader feelings than just annoyance at schoolwork.

The rhymes were competent- well placed. Rhythm was consistent. My only criticism would be that it struggled to give me what you were feeling.

Keep Writing!