Deleted.. :(

Hey kaka,
That was amazing!!!!!!!!! There were a few spelling errors like Sa5m and suppos but other than that no real problems. If you are thinking about turning this into a novel, from one writer to another I say GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck to you kaka.

You know what sorry guys! But brontobeawriter , I didn't threaten not to write anymore,and you made me sound a whole lot worse! I deleted that comment,Just to suite you!
I was just a bit I dunno,nervous!
You really were BLUNT.
I DO appreciate your comments but certainly not your last once! I was just disappinted.
Mabye you should take kindness and temperment lessons,
Thank you everyone else..
Geez i sound really mad?! Huh
Maybe I'm worng but does anyone else agree with me?!
not you borntobeawriter!!
Thanks to nice people..
Kakagirl xxxxxxxxx

WOW! O.o Letting off a bit of steam there, eh? haha
Not trying to be mean here, but maybe you should try using spell check. (All mistakes in red)
I know you were probably mad and just trying to get it all out in a rush. But this website is for young writers. And we don't use text slang as in ... 'dunno' and we try not to make mistakes. Maybe slow down your writing.
Please, please, don't get angry at me! This actually sounds a bit bitchy even to myself, i'm sorry if you take this the wrong way. Please don't! I was just a bit bored :/

If you have anything you would like me to review PM me and i'll be happy to help you out!!
Born

Hello, I am Theo, and I would like to review your piece tonight.

kakagirl wrote:Lee

This has been going on for weeks!
Where is this going,If (Should be lower case) anywhere?!
His smirk infuriates me.
The way he laughs and teases me,gets to me like..like I've never felt before!The way he stares intently at me,like he knows what's going on in my messed up head.The way he runs his hands through his hair like he knows I'll be watching.

Yet,he shows no signs of breaking it off with her.

I want him to hold me like he holds her.
I want him to look at me like he looks at her.
I want him to let me lean on his chest,like he lets her.

But most of all,I want him to be mine,as he is hers.

Ethan

I can't help it. She's so naive and..irresistible! Irresistibly stupid..
I like how she gets so angry when I smirk at her. I like how she looks so messed up inside,when she see's me with Chloe.
I like how she's naturally pretty. No make up.. (Should be three to make an ellipsis)Just herself.
But I don't know why I do it. I don't have an answer. Its happened before. Like one girl is never enough.
And Lee's not even my type. She's far too.. I don't know..good.
But is that why?!
Why I'm drawn to her?

-Monday 20th-
"Heey," Chloe drawled as she caught my hand. I didn't answer, just looked at her in response.
"Amy, Lou and Sam are meeting the lads at the cinema at 7:00..I said you'd be with me. Yeah?!"
"I eh.. suppose.."
That couldn't be her. Lee was laughing,her thin body shaking with her effort to regain herself.And she was with a guy. Nah,I thought-only a friend..Right?
He just grabbed her hand. That had to mean something.
Fury and disappointment bubbled through me.
Wait..why did I even care?! I didn't. Who was she anyway?!
"Ethan? Whats up?!" The bell rang loudly demanding everyone to go back to class,and drowning out Chloe.
She rocketed off down the hall,her black dyed hair swaying furiously.
The cinema it was then.

Lee

He's actually really great. He's so easy to be around,and I noticed how good looking he is too. Luke, a guy I had known all my life and my best guy friend had asked me out. Told me, he'd liked me for a while. I said yes,I don't regret it.
The only thing is..I feel like,like I said yes to make him jealous. Ethan. But I do like Luke.He makes me feel all,gooey and excited but not the way I think I would feel if it was Ethan.
There I go again. Why is everything based around him?Luke's invited me to go to the cinema with him.I'm going to go. Luke is a great guy. I'll enjoy myself..

Okay, this one really intrigued me. I like the way that they are similar to high school students, the jealousy and the confusion that goes along with dating. Although I think you should pour the act on Chloe a little bit more, I get the feeling that she is possessive, but you don't show it very well. Maybe play up her character a bit more.

Anyway, I would love to see more from you. *Goes to click the like button.*

Hi, I'm Sporks and I'll join this group of reviewing, as I saw this on Featured Works and was intrigued. I must admit, this is the most rough...unedited piece I've seen on here. I realize you seem to be rather angry at reviews that point out things that you can improve on, but really, Kaka, that's what reviews are for. We're not here to bully you or hurt you. We want to help. :] And honestly, telling borntobeawriter that she needs lessons on kindness is quite ungrateful. She took a lot of time trying to help you...not hurt you. That said, onto MY review. I'm thorough and rather matter-of-fact by nature. It's not because I'm rude. Don't take it that way, haha. Red is grammar, green is word choice change, purple is my commentary.

Lee

This has been going on for weeks!
Where is this going, [space needed here] if anywhere?!
His smirk infuriates me.
The way he laughs and teases me,gets to me like..like I've never felt before!_The way he stares intently at me,_like he knows what's going on in my messed up head.The way he runs his hands through his hair like he knows I'll be watching.

Yet,he shows no signs of breaking it off with her.

I want him to hold me like he holds her.
I want him to look at me like he looks at her.
I want him to let me lean on his chest,like he lets her.

But most of all,I want him to be mine,as he is hers.

Ethan

I can't help it. She's so naive and..irrestible! Irresistibly stupid..
I like how she gets so angry when I smirk at her. I like how she looks so messed up inside,when she sees me with Chloe. No apostrophe necessary, as apostrophes indicate possession.
I like how she's naturally pretty. No make up...just herself.
But I don't know why I do it. I don't have an answer. Its happened before. Like one girl is never enough.
And Lee's not even my type. She's far too.. I don't know..good.
But is that why?!
Why I'm drawn to her?

-Monday 20th-
"Heey," Chloe drawled as she caught my hand. I didn't answer, just looked at her in response.
"Amy, Lou and Sam Why the five? Typo, I think? are meeting the lads at the cinema at 7:00..I said you'd be with me. Yeah?!"
"I eh.. suppose.."
That couldn't be her. Lee was laughing,her thin body shaking with her effort to regain herself.And she was with a guy. Nah,I thought-only a friend...right?
He just grabbed her hand. That had to mean something.
Fury and disappointment bubbled through me.
Wait..why did I even care?! I didn't. Who was she anyway?! Okay, you need to decide which you want to do here. You alternate italics and regular, but the text is all thought. It makes no sense to alternate. I suggest, to make this better, pick one, though as a reminder italics are best.
"Ethan? Whats up?!" The bell rang loudly demanding everyone to go back to class,and drowning out Chloe.
She rocketed off down the hall,her black dyed hair swaying furiously. Who? Lee or Chloe?
The cinema it was then.

Lee

He's actually really great. Hes so easy to be around,and I noticed how good looking he is too. Luke, a guy I had known all my life and my best guy friend had asked me out. Told me, he'd liked me for a while. I said yes,I don't regret it.
The only thing is...I feel like,_like I said yes to make him jealous. Ethan. But I do like Luke._He makes me feel all, gooey Do you mean "gooey" here? Because goey isn't a word...and gooey makes very little sense, so I'm confused. I don't know what you're trying to express here. xDand excited but not the way I think I would feel if it was Ethan.
There I go again. Why is everything based around him?_Luke's invited me to go to the cinema with him._I'm going to go. Luke is a great guy. I'll enjoy myself..

Grammar
As you can see, there are quite a few errors in your piece. It's not a bad thing---we all start somewhere. I think trying proofreading or perhaps even using Word's (if you use Word, that is) grammar checker to help out. Also, there are plenty of resources on the web. I'm not going to dissect every error here, but the above should give you an idea of your weak areas.
Oh, and a *teeny* nitpick. You use ellipses (...) quite a lot. That ruins the flow of a piece. As my writer friend Becca wrote on the board in creative writing, "Use..........ellipses sparingly............and never...consecutively."

Plot
You have a great idea here. There is a lot of potential to this piece. You need to work on a few things though. 1. Characterization. Ethan and Lee are virtually indistinguishable. In fact, in your May 20th part, until I reached the name Lee, I thought your POV had reverted to Lee. 2. Plot. Right now, your piece is very thin, and we can tell something is going to happen to Lee and Ethan at the cinema. You might want to reveal details in a smoother way, so that the reader isn't ahead of the story already. It loses appeal that way. The idea itself can be very, very good, but the execution needs some polishing. Also, one last thing, you need Likes to be confident enough to write more? That isn't very good. You need to write for your own enjoyment, and others will pick up on it and will enjoy it, and like it of their own accord, not because you pleaded for likes.

And don't say romance just isn't your thing based on reviews that are meant to help...don't degrade us and throw our reviews away and treat them like that. That's really counterproductive. And I'll say this one more time, you have a GREAT idea, and your piece has potential.

Overall
Good idea, good potential with the POV changes, needs work on grammar, execution, and a bit of plot construction and characterization.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.
Keep Writing!

~Sporks

Oy, calm down everyone. If someone does indeed make a completely useless comment, or make an excessively harsh comment, please contact a moderator (we're the guys in the green names). We will mediate. Also, you can report comments. Just click the triangle with the exclamation mark and all the moderators and administrators will be able to see the comments that are reported.

Now... back to topic please?

The story, actually, reminded me of Gordon Korman's work... which is a good thing! I love that man's work. He is soooo funny and he just hits high school on the head and makes it delightfully fun and twisted.

One thing that you probably want to expand... the story! I mean, one of the things that makes Gordon Korman's work so wonderful is that it's not just one problem going on at once... it's about twenty! So yeah, Lee likes Ethan and Ethan likes Lee but they don't want to admit it... add TONS more conflict! Trust me. It'll be so chaotic and awesome that everybody will be clamoring to read this!

Also, this is a little comment but... um... Nate (our administrator) actually calls himself Lee in real life. So, seeing Lee as a girl is kind of a shock at first! You may consider making Lee a more... feminine name. But that's up to you! It's just weird for me.

Well, I "liked" it. Like what almost everyone else has said, you need more depth with your characters. Explain why they do what they do. Doing two perspectives ought to be a challenge, you shouldn't make their point of views identical. It was an interesting story. I like the concept but it leaves me wanting more, and not in the good way. Also, spell check. you misspelled some words. Kay? Please do not stop writing just because you don't think people will like it. Write because you want to.