Memories [Prologue & Ch. 1]

4 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 30
Prologue

It’s a dark and stormy night… I shiver under my fleecy blanket, burrowing deeper into the warmth.

What a perfect night to do it. Wait, no. I won’t hit rock bottom yet. I still have a right to hold on, don’t I?

A scraggly tree branch scrapes its fingernails across my window and I bite back the tremendous scream that has been building up in my throat for the past year.

Chapter 1

“Emily! Hurry up or you’ll be late…”

“Okay, I’m coming…” I mutter, stomping down the stairs.

My father is a statue in the kitchen; standing tall and prim, with a perfectly-pressed business suit and recently-dyed brown hair.

I slip past him, pulling open the fridge door. A chill sweeps through the room as I reach for a shiny apple.

Dad frowns at his watch before turning her eyes on me. “Take it with you; I don’t have time for this,” he says. “I’ve got a meeting with the executive director in less than an hour!”

I bite into the sweet fruit, mulling over his words. God forbid he should miss one of his so-important meetings. He’s a prince on the social ladder; working for some big-business company. The tragedy didn’t affect his career that much.

“Emily, I’ll be out in the car,” he urges. “Get your bag and come on.”

I nod, tossing the fruit core into the trash.

He shakes his head in disappointment (yet again) before teetering into the living room to get my school books.

With angry-red eyes, he throws it at me before dragging me out the door.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As it turns out, I didn’t miss the second bell. I peeled into the school just as the first bell rang, giving me five minutes to stop at my locker – perfect timing. The sleepy-eyed teachers were spared from marking another strike against me in their attendance books.

I slink into my homeroom; unseen by my teacher but in clear view of my classmates.

A clan of girls whose names I’ve forgotten turn to each other and whisper.

Some kid with bucked teeth snickers loudly.

A buff, steroid-infused jock points before wrapping his arm around his cheerleader girlfriend, who whips out her camera phone.

I shrug my shoulders and retreat to an empty desk in the back. I slump down in the wooden, scratched seat and wince as the splinters stick into my back.

The teacher begins calling out attendance. When she gets to my name – Emily Reese – she stares at me for a minute or more.

“Oh… you’re here,” she says, startled. “I figured you’d stay off for a little longer…”

I nod solemnly, keeping my eyes on the desk.

“Well, Emily, remember that the guidance counsellor is available whenever you need someone to talk to.” She mentions.

I clench my teeth. They thought that I wouldn’t come back for months – just because it happened they all assume that I would stay home, too lost and confused to concentrate.

Well, I’m back now, so there’s not much you can do about it.


The bell rings loudly, and my peers and I bolt for the door, pushing and shoving to get out at the same time.

When I finally get through the mad rush, I swear I have some bruises on my arm.

I brush off my jeans and try to discretely get through the hallway. It doesn’t work, though.

As soon as I pass the Biology lab, a girl in my one of my classes calls my name. I turn – a deer in the headlights of a transport truck – and she bounces towards me.

“Hey Emily,” she calls in a sing-song voice. “School isn’t a place for girls like you.”

I roll my eyes at her. It’s none of her business, so why does she care?

She smirks. “Oh, I’m Emily! Let me have some time off school because my life is a total tragedy!”

I clamp my mouth shut. I don’t need to say anything to her because she’s been tormenting me since elementary school, and it’s this is nothing new for her.

“What?” she raises an eyebrow, “So you’re not coming up with some crappy retorts because I insult you now?”

“No,” I whisper, my mouth filling with glue. “It’s nothing like that – it’s just…”

“What the hell is your problem?” she snorts, flouncing in the direction of her wannabe posse.

I stand there, shaking so hard that my teeth rattle. I shake my head fitfully before slipping down the hallway, trying to be unseen.

It works this time. No one interrupts me, or talks as I push open the door of the Girls bathroom.

It’s empty because the bell rang already. I lock myself into a stall, sliding onto the grimy floor.

I bury my head in my hands and bite my lip until I can taste blood. Tremors wrack my body as the tears break free, spilling down my cheek in torrents.

Everything that’s been building up is finally coming to the surface.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Can Emily Harrison please report to the principal’s office? Emily Harrison.” My name crackles over the loudspeaker, while I’m in the middle of an algebra quiz.

My teacher looks up and nods. I jump out of my seat, turning in my unfinished paper before walking out of the room on cement block legs.

I run my fingers through my long, blond hair as I force myself to walk down the hallway.

Don’t worry, Emily… it can’t be anything serious… maybe just a meeting or something.

My heart pounds in my chest though, as I stand outside the principal’s office. As I push open the door, the secretary looks up from her computer.

“Hello, Emily. Have a seat; Mr. Byrne will be with you in a minute.”

I stare at her cheery expression, my mouth gaping open. They arranged a meeting for me with the counsellor?

I fume silently, slumping in the upholstered chair until the secretary pokes her head around the computer again.

“Okay dear, he’s ready for you.”

“Thanks…” I mutter, as I step into his office.

Mr. Byrne’s office is a large, brightly lit room. It’s filled with leather – chairs, binders, upholstery – and chestnut wood.

He’s sitting at his desk, with his hands folded together. He looks like he’s praying, but his blue-grey eyes are open.

“Good afternoon, Emily,” he says, gesturing to the black chair across from his desk. “Have a seat.”

With no other choice, I sit in the chair, dumping my purse on the floor next to me.

“I’ve called you here today to see how you’re doing,” he explains. “I know the last little while must’ve been difficult.”

Difficult is an understatement. The last little while has been just as terrible as the rest of the past year.

“Is there anything you’d like me to discuss outright?”

“Um…” I mull. “No, I don’t have anything in particular I want to talk about.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Let’s just start with recent news, shall we?”

“Alright, recent it is…” I murmur.

“How is your first day going?” he asks, writing in his notebook.

I cringe. “Not that great... It’s been really weird.”

“In what way has it been strange?”

“Ugh,” I scowl. “it’s been crazy. I’ve been pissed off by one of the girls in my Bio class already… and I’ve been stared at all day.”

“Don’t worry about that, Emily. It’s quite understandable that you’d be ridiculed after returning to school after… such circumstances.”

“Whatever, Mr. Byrne,” I snap. “What do you know?”

He inhales sharply. “Emily, dear, I am a trained psychologist, so I know quite a lot.”

“Yeah? Well, you don’t know anything about my recent struggles.” I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the plaque behind his head.

“Emily… that’s what I’m here for.” He tries reasoning. “I’m here to find out about your struggles.”

“Okay… fine. But don’t go thinking I’ll open up to you easily. You don’t know a thing about the events that followed after I lost my mom.”

“I’m aware of that…” He murmurs.

“Like I said,” I bite, springing from the chair. “You don’t know a fucking thing.”

“Emily… just let me…” He tries to catch me, but I’m already halfway out the door.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1853
Reviews 130
So first off: I really want to know what happened to Emily. I sort of figured that her mom died, but why were those kids making fun of her? That's just odd. Usually even mean people have a little sympathy for people when they've just lost a loved one. That made me want to know more details and keep reading. Alas, there wasn't more to read... :(

I also have a question about her name. Is her last name Reese or Harrison? I got a little confused about that.

Grammar:
Dad frowns at his watch before turning his eyes on me.

Change her to his, I fixed it in red for you.
“Well, Emily, remember that the guidance counsellor is available whenever you need someone to talk to,she mentions.

Make the period into a comma so it can flow into the comment descriptive. Lowercase 's'.
I clamp my mouth shut. I don’t need to say anything to her because she’s been tormenting me since elementary school, and it’s this is nothing new for her.

In this section you might just want to get rid of either the "it's" or the "this" and "is". You have two things being said it is/this is and it's awkward...

In all, I thought the story was great and the MC had a quirky darkness about her. She's definitely unique.

Happy Writing!
Bailey
After all, it is the pen that gives power to the mythical sword.

"For an Assistant Pig-Keeper, I think you're quite remarkable." Eilonwy

"You also shall be Psyche."

"My only regret
all the Butterflies
that I have killed with my car" Martin Lanaux




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 32546
Reviews 739
Hey RedRaven! Stopping by to review! :D
Here's a few things:

With angry-red eyes, he throws it at me before dragging me out the door.

I'm not sure how I feel about 'angry-red'. I'm thinking it should be something like 'angry, red eyes' or 'red, angry eyes'. But either way you put it, it sounds like you're saying his eyes are literally red. Now I've seen someone's face go red in anger, but never their eyes! xD

I slink into my homeroom; unseen by my teacher but in clear view of my classmates.

I think you should change the semicolon to a comma.

my mouth filling with glue.

I really, really love this description!

Well, you don’t know anything about my recent struggles

I'm not sure if I like how she said 'struggles'. It feels like she would have said something more like 'what I've been through' or 'what my life is like'. Also, you could have ended this with an exclamation point. Or at least that's how it felt in my head.

“Emily… that’s what I’m here for.” He tries reasoning.

comma instead of period after for

You don’t know a thing about the events that followed after I lost my mom.”

Again, it feels like she wouldn't come right out and say something like this. It felt more like she'd say something like 'there's no way i'm telling you anything' and then the shrink would say something like 'i know it's been difficult since you lost your mom'. But that's just what I think.

Aww you left me hanging at the end there! I would've liked to read more; you could still fit more into this chapter.

So I really, really liked this. You're an excellent writer! The emotion really comes through from your main character, and I really feel sympathy for her. I'm excited to know more about what happened.

So keep it up! If you post more of this, could you PM me? I'd really appreciate it :)
~blacksheep
The bad news is we don't have any control.
The good news is we can't make any mistakes.
-Chuck Palahniuk




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 22451
Reviews 498
Hi there. :)

I'll begin with the nitpicks and then go on with the overall impression.

As soon as I pass the Biology lab, a girl in my one of my classes calls my name.


When she gets to my name – Emily Reese– she stares at me for a minute or more.

“Can Emily Harrison please report to the principal’s office? Emily Harrison.”

Which one is the right name? Reese or Harrison?

I run my fingers through my long, blond hair, as I force myself to walk down the hallway.


Okay, I think that's it that no one already said. Let's move one then!
Okay, so the MC lost her mom... And something happened. Something weird by how she's treated at school, right? I definitely want to know more. I like the way you write. Except maybe the talking back to the shrink... I don't know, it doesn't seem natural, since he's only trying to help her, and she definitely needs his help. Anyways, that's just my opinion.

Keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466



I exist as I am, that is enough
— Walt Whitman