In Eachothers Arms

Kieran held Charlotte delicately in his strong arms, his heart beating as hard as hers as they kissed. Six years and they had gone with only a few minor fights and the very rare wrestling match that usually ended with Kieran winning and Charlotte laughing until she cried. All their friends knew that they were the Alice and Jasper Cullen of the real world, without the vampire stuff and supernatural gifts. They were just Charlotte Iles and Kieran Marvell-Fox. Themselves, her being the fun, sweet but evil fun lover, him being the brooding, moody but somehow sweet trouble maker. They were like puzzle pieces that no matter how differently you angle them, they would always fit.
"Charlotte, can I ask you something?" Kieran mumbled against her lips. Charlotte pulled away and let go if his neck, nodding.
"Ask away," she said.
"We've been going out for about six years now and I was thinking last night that we belong together," he started, slipping his hand into his jacket pocket. Charlotte's heart stopped in her chest, as she thought about the question that her one true love might be about to ask.
"So, what I'm really saying is....... will you marry me?" Kieran finished quicky and awkwardly. Charlotte grinned wildly.
"Yeah, I will. Hopefully, Vicki, Karen and Geogie won't give you the Hurt-My-Friend-And-We-Will-Kill-You-Slowly-And-Painfully talk," she joked, hugging Kieran tightly.
"Thankyou," Kieran said sarcastically. Charlotte kissed him firmly to prove that she wasn't joking.

That was really cute. Seriously, I don't wanna say anything mean because it's so darn cute. So, congrats, and keep writing.
~Kit

ilovemyboys wrote:Kieran held Charlotte delicately in his strong arms, his heart beating as hard as hers as they kissed. Six years and they had gone with only a few minor fights and the very rare wrestling match that usually ended with Kieran winning and Charlotte laughing until she cried. All their friends knew that they were the Alice and Jasper Cullen of the real world, without the vampire stuff and supernatural gifts. They were just Charlotte Iles and Kieran Marvell-Fox. Themselves, her being the fun, sweet but evil fun lover, him being the brooding, moody but somehow sweet trouble maker. They were like puzzle pieces that no matter how differently you angle them, they would always fit.
"Charlotte, can I ask you something?" Kieran mumbled against her lips. Charlotte pulled away and let go if his neck, nodding.
That should be and let go of his neck,nodding
"Ask away," she said.
"We've been going out for about six years now and I was thinking last night that we belong together," he started, slipping his hand into his jacket pocket. Charlotte's heart stopped in her chest, as she thought about the question that her one true love might be about to ask.
"So, what I'm really saying is....... will you marry me?" Kieran finished quicky(quickly) and awkwardly. Charlotte grinned wildly.
"Yeah, I will. Hopefully, Vicki, Karen and Geogie ( Are you sure you didn't mean Georgie?!)won't give you the Hurt-My-Friend-And-We-Will-Kill-You-Slowly-And-Painfully talk," she joked, hugging Kieran tightly.
"Thankyou," (Two seperate words here-Thank you)Kieran said sarcastically. Charlotte kissed him firmly to prove that she wasn't joking.

This story is gravely short and lacking feeling.Maybe you should get Kieran to feel really nervous or awkward.
The story was quite rushed and I felt lacked any real desire.
You have the potential to be a good writer but I do think this story needs reviewing and revising.
A tip-
Always do a spell check over your story when your done.
A lot a bad spelling mistakes shows carelessness and implies you can't spell. Which I think you can.. Tee hee hee

Thanks and hope I helped.
Keep writing and have fun reviewing you story!
PM and follow me! I hope we can be friends!
Sorry if I wa harsh..
I feel really bad now.

I really liked this. But is it going anywhere?

Hi there.

I agree with Kit that this was a very cute story, but it was extremely short and I found myself asking 'that's it?' when I finished.

If this is a stand alone story, it's very basic. Also, you give us little hints about friends that they have but you really don't explain anything about them so the reader is left confused, wondering why you even added that part in the first place.

Also, I agree that it does lack a certain desire. I want to feel the love they both have for each other, but I was left hanging. I felt like you kind of rushed through what they felt. You told me their feelings, you didn't show me. I want to know how Kieran's heart was racing when he handed her the ring, I wanted to know about the warm feeling in Charlotte's stomach when he asked, little details like that. A proposal scene should never be rushed.

Also, your title, "each other" is two words. Sorry if that's nitpicky but I'm a grammar snob and it just bothers me.

Overall, I felt this piece did have some really great moments. You show a lot of promise as a writer, way to go.

Keep writing.

Love,
Jade.

I'm just going to get straight to it, the title needs a space. Im not great on grammar myself, but the title was bugging me. Anyway your possibly sick of people telling you that the grammar could be improved... blah blah blah, so im just going to leave it alone now.

To start with, i imagined these as a young teenage couple curled up in their cosy environment, but then the main guy proposed and i got a tiny bit confused. It may have just been my reading, but next time do a tad more to classify their ages.

Also the part about Alice and Jasper Cullen, didnt really fit in for me. All i mean by that is maybe next time use a different example of a love struck couple.

Next, dont cut the scence short. You might want to drag it out a bit more next time, add in how he was nervous and maybe how his breathing was a bit raggered as he slipped the ring onto her delicate finger. Clasping her hand in his as she told him how much the proposal meant to him.

I think im sounding really critical right now so im going to tell you that truly i did love it. it kept my attention and was well writen.

Keep writing.
Love Georgie.

Hey ilove!

Okay, so I've been reading a LOT of romantic fiction novels lately, and this definitely reminded me of them, so yay! Now, this seemed like the ending of a romance novel. Why? Because there's really no real conflict or huge misunderstanding or whatever! So... what's the back story of this? How did they meet? Under what circumstances?

Tell us this back story and this story will be so much more awesome.

Best of luck!