If I

If I were to die
It's only because you took my breath away
If I glow or shine
It's only because you sat with me the whole day
If I do not talk
It's only because I'm dreaming of you
If I don't dream at all it's only because you're so close it will do

If I stand on a building and shout out your name
And I scream I'm in love
Can I join in your game?
If I take a picture of you and put it in a frame
And kiss it each night
Will you treat me the same?
I want love, I want warmth
I want you in my day
If I do all this, do I get my own way?

If I touch you heart
It's only because I want it to beat for me
If I act all smart
It's only because I want us to be
If I close my eyes
It's only because you're not here where I want you
If I start to cry
It's only because you don't love me, it's true

If I stand on a building and shout out your name
And I scream I'm in love
Can I join in your game?
If I take a picture of you and put it in a frame
And kiss it each night
Will you treat me the same?
I want love, I want warmth
I want you in my day
If I do all this, do I get my own way?

Why don't you love me?
You're all that I need
I want to be free
Like a bird
I try to be yours
You leave me with sores
Stop opening my doors
Like I can't hurt
If you hate me so much, don't push me away
Write me a song about that and I'll leave today

I wanna stand on a building and shout out your name
I've had more than enough
Of your silly game
Take a picture of you to have someone to blame
I'm so sick of this
You're always the same
I wanted love, I wanted warmth
But not now anymore
I don't know why I started loving you for

Great piece.. the emotion was very well expressed, the repetition very well used. I would suggest perhaps changing the structure around a bit.. it was very open, and I think that condensing each line and then breaking it up into stanzas would make for easier reading. Nice piece though.. love the change in tone throughout it.


-Coral

Hey, smashles!

A very catchy tune! I imagine it as a kind of poppy song. The repetition totally works for it too, which is completely awesome. One thing that didn't quite make sense... at first, I thought they were together because of the "you take my breath away" comment. However, by the end, it seems clear that they weren't actually together. So you might want to tweak it so that it is more clear in the beginning. That will give it more drive.

Still, very nice!

This poem actually reminded me of a song I heard a long time ago. I don't really remember the title of the song, but this is very similar. Anyway, I think it's a really good piece. I enjoyed reading it.

I really really really like these rhymes... and the whole idea to the song.
no advice. I just wanted to tell you that it's really great ;D
keep writing.

i reeeallly loovvee this song!!! You are really talented!

I love the whole contrast from loved up at the beginning to the just plain sick of the guy at the end. It's not usually what I see in lyrics these days, so thumbs up for rarity!