Then You Were Gone

Standing in the rain,
I look at you as it pours down your face.
You look to me,
with a helpless look in your eyes.
I can't help but to wonder why,
so I walk outside to talk to you.
The look in your eyes explains the world,
you and I are just alike.
You are perfect....
There you were standing there in front of me,
I saw everything I wanted to be.

Past lives and past loves never could compare,
to you, oh, I know.
There you were standing there in front of me,
I look at you, you looked at me.
I saw everything I wanted to keep.
Much more than anyone could ever be,
I love so much and lose way more and you were the one thing I could keep...

But you weren't there anymore,
so I just stood in the rain starring at nothing,
everything was blank.
But there you were in my memory pretending that you wanted to be...with me.

That was beautiful. I can tell you're a more experienced writer. I'm not too good at poetry, but I could tell you are. I hope to read some of your other works.

Well...this is a start.

1. In lines 3 and 4, you use the word "look" twice, which does not follow with true grammatical editing. Change the second look. Also, every time you start a new line in a poem, you always capitalize that new stanza. So "With" needs to be capitalized.

2. Line 6 does not seem to flow smoothly with the line from above. Edit this slightly. Maybe a rhyme scheme would help the whole poem? Just an idea.

3. "You and i are just alike
You are perfect..."

How does this flow? It does not seem to. First you are talking about both of you, then you move into talking about someone else? maybe a better transition here?

4. "There you were standing in front of me
I saw everything I wanted to be"

This is really really good! I love this!

5. "to you oh I know"
"to" needs to be capitalized.

6. "I saw everything I wanted to keep...
I love so much and lose (my?) way more and you were the one thing I wanted to keep"

change the second keep.

7. I love the last four lines!!!

i love the message in this, it just needs a little fine tuning. Maybe use some of my suggestions and get a rhyme scheme down and help it flow better.

Sorry if this sounded harsh! I didn't mean it to be.

Dr.