after you

Verse 1:
You want me to burn
Suffer
You want me to drown in your rumors
You first
You expect me to crumble
Collapse
Sofficate from the happiness you’ve taken away
You first
You need me to be crushed
Dead
You need me to burn in the flames you’ve created
Let them lick away at my bare skin burning
You first
Chorus 1:
after you
ill burn
ill be crushed
and crumble
burn in those flames you’ve set free just for me to die,
but I say you first.
You’ve taken my life my happiness my soul ill disapear as soon as you do to.
Verse 2:
Im not done here
Ive not been drowned in the waters you’ve sent to soffacate my body
My souls still here
Deep underneath your lies
You’ve taken everything
But I wont be gone
Until you are to
Chorus 1:
after you
ill burn
ill be crushed
and crumble
burn in those flames you’ve set free just for me to die,
but I say you first.
You’ve taken my life my happiness my soul ill disapear as soon as you do to.
Verse 3:
Im not giving up just yet
Not letting you win
Not letting you take me away
Not letting you crush me under your blade
Cause I say tou first
Chorus 2:
Im not alone
Not afraid to die
Not afraid to lose in this game of life
Not afraid of you
Not of your tricks and spells
Not afraid of you dragging me down
But I wont give up
Until your brought down to
Underneath your lies
Verse 4:
Im the girl whos been your friend
Supported and helped till my end
But you threw me away
Once you were done
Used me
Then took everything
But I wont give up until your brought down
Suffocated with me in the troubles you’ve caused

Let me just start off by saying I don't listen to music with lyrics, so I'm not going to critique the song overall. I'm going to critique your spelling, punc., and other things. Here we goooooo,

Sofficate from the happiness you’ve taken away

Sofficate is spelled Suffocate, my good man(or woman).

ill burn
ill be crushed

I'll has an apostrophe, and the i is Capitalized. You do this numerous times throughout the course of the song, along with other places that need apostrophes, such as I'm or I'd.

Until your brought down to

you mean you're, and you also mean too, not to. Keep an eye out for those. Along with these examples, you've got a few more misspellings, lack of punctuation, and lack of grammar, so be sure to revise your song before you put it up for a critique.

Heya, hero here. Vast, thanks for the nitpicking

Alright, first thing. I don't know if you chose lyric format at the bottom but to be honest I can't stand the format. It felt monotonous in read. So I skimmed a few lines. You need to write this in a better form. Check out some of the lyric websites on the web. Go ahead and Google/Yahoo any lyrics you can and go to something like A-Z Lyrics. Watch how they use brackets...
You have formatting tools. Bold, Underline and Italics can totally change the reading experience. Verse 1 should be differentiated from a line in your song. Format is everything. It's defines a stereotype. And yes, everybody stereotypes, it's inherent. Percy Jackson was written in Centaur Mt in point 13 which gives it off as something a twelve year old at heart might read, get it?

Besides that, I think the main idea of your song was lost (Again, format). At a point you're saying that "You want me to suffer," and then it seems that you're saying "Okay, I'll burn," and I fail to understand that. But once again, I'm one of the worst people in understanding any kind of concept. Even, I'm Happy, confuses me. So I just review on format and technique, meh...

My final comment: this was monotonous. The song didn't grow up or tell a story or escalate into a lyrical climax of exemplary order that rivals the likes of hobbitgangster (another user on the site) himself! And yeah, my expectations are pretty high. My review is pretty rough. My name is pretty awesome. Because I can't review something that can't be fixed or made excellent.

See you on the featured works, my friend.
TheNewHero,

Hey Britishwannabe!

Uh, I haven't written a review in a while and the other members who commented basically covered most of what I was gonna say so let me go mainly with my opinion on this one.

Here it goes: This was a mess of repeating phrases!! Every other line you kept describing how you would only crumble after he went first. Now I appreciate the theme of this song and I know it has a lot of potential but to be honest it really needs to be shaped up.

Second, Your chorus sort of repeated what you previously talked about in each verse. That shouldn't be like that. So you could have switched up the first verse and gone with what he did that pissed the main character off sooooo much. The more specific you are the better the lyrics evolve and allow the audience to connect. The second verse could have talked about how hurt you are and why he needs to pay. And personally I feel that the 3rd verse could have stood as the bridge of the song not another verse.

Lastly, the chorus needs to be more catchy and flowy. It just feels awkward and a tad choppy; so work on your rhyming a little. A song shouldn't be a rhyming mess but have just enough to, well, flow. Rhyming phrases really stand out and the audience ends up remembering the words more clearly (which is always a good thing).

Okay, so I'm done--I promise! I'm really sorry if I was way too harsh on anything, just trying to help and give an honest opinion. Overall I liked this.

**Mo**