My Sweet Love

my first poem so don't be too harsh! i was aiming for something with a shakespere feel to it, but not too heavy. short and simple for beginners methinks! spell check is being a git so i'm sorry if spelling and grammar is a bit pants.

Knight of shimmering chainmail my sweet love would not defeat
Were I trapped in dragon’s castle, my sweet love would not prevail
Should I leave him for the day, his heart shall remain complete
Were I to die in his name, may all he do is mourn

Neither striking nor stunning nor exquisite in guise
If angels’ hair be of silver, his is but brass
Yet brass appears as gold when deceived by amorous eyes
And I would cherish pewter if it adorned his sweet face

If Mozart spoke divine symphonies with every word
My sweet love speaks only as a man
Yet if I smile it is his voice I have heard
For when we converse he whispers to my heart, not my ears

If heroes have chiselled jaws and hearts of lions
My sweet love is no hero, still only a boy
I need no champion with muscles of iron
Just a body to hold me, with sincere love

For no man can replace my sweet love
No man can care more than my sweet love
or steal my heart like my sweet love <--(edited)
No man can be as passionate as my sweet love

He is mine.

For your first poem, that's pretty good! I can definitely see the Shakespeare element in it.

If Mozart spoke divine symphonies with every word
My sweet love speaks only as a man
Yet if I smile it is his voice I have heard
For when we converse he whispers to my heart, not my ears

I like how you describe your "sweet love" as ordinary in a nice way.

For no man can replace my sweet love
No man can care more than my sweet love
No man can steal my heart like my sweet love
No man can be as passionate as my sweet love

He is mine.

This is a nice ending stanza. I understand the purpose of the repetition here, but it seems like a little too many "no man can"s.

For no man can replace my sweet love
No man can care more than my sweet love
or steal my heart like my sweet love
No man can be as passionate as my sweet love

He is mine.

This is what I think would sound better, but it's just a suggestion.
Again, I really like the end. Great work!

Your first poem? No way! My first poem sounded more like Dr. Seuss than Shakespere...

But really, I'm impressed, I wasn't expecting so much. The writer before me gave you some good advice, and I'll try not to reiterate. So anyway, my problem is mainly the last stanza of "no man can...blah blah blah" because the repeatitiveness threw off the balance and rhythm that the rest held up so well. But other than the last part, I like this piece a lot.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver