We All Struggle To Breathe Sometimes

*Being Editted to be Less Offensive & Thanks for all the reviews! Until then!*

First, the technical stuff...

I struggle to breathe,

(You make this mistake one other time too).

Now, as for the topic at-hand, this is a touchy subject and you really steamrolled straight into it, in a way that could really be offensive for others. The best example comes from these lines

And let's not forget,
You're going to Hell.

Ouch. O.o Really, I have a respect for all outlooks on life, because there's never a sure-fire guarantee as to who's right and wrong, and to me this just seemed demeaning to non-Christian religions, and verging on (if not completely) challenging and mean. I'm not saying you don't have freedom to express your outlook, you do, this is just my belief that this is kind of rude. But when it comes to the piece, this sort of thing will really impact what kind of affect you make on people. If you have an opinion like this that you want to put into writing, it's usually best to put it in an understanding and enlightened tone, because really blind hatred can make your assessment seem uneducated or flawed. I find nothing wrong about writing in support of your religion, but I do see something wrong in attacking others who don't share your belief.
Sorry if this is sounding too harsh or opinionated, but personal preferences aside, I think the way you approach the subject could really affect what people think about this.
Keep writing,
storyWeaver

Haha, this poem made me laugh. As a Deist (google it; I know it's at outdated religion, but I looked for a label for my beliefs, not the other way around) I found this silly and kiddish. Christians make me laugh sometimes, with their little ancient book they think knows everything about the world and their naive outlook on life. And, know what, i have the highest respect for Atheists: they go through life with the mindset that there is no point to it all except procreate. I would like to see how you Christians would be able to stand it, needing to use a book that has been altered thousands of times to the point of being watered down, censored and rewritten to justify your every action. You should do some research on the history of the Bible, how there are quite a few "books" that didn't make it and how translators mess it up, as well as book-burnings and how the priesthood was, for a very long time, only a higher class job. Keep in mind past, outdated religions that all thought the exact same thing you do (that it is right above all), and that we now laugh at them. Egyptians especially.
You should do some research. Believe it or not, Wikipedia is a great resource for all things science and religion, as it has been edited billions of times and checked by moderators and admins for correctness and lack of opinion. I'm not telling you that "Oh, there is no God" because there has to be something that created things, even if the big bang happened (which it probably didn't; it's just a primitive theory), something had to create what "banged". I'm not saying Jesus didn't exist (though I am personally very skeptic about it). I'm just saying that the basis of your religion is not what you think it is (read: it has been changed a lot in the last 2k years), and you should at least consider how it would affect others views of your religion.

As for the poem, it was actually pretty good, being a childish rant and all. I felt a good rhythmic pattern that flowed well, and it connected the words well. A shame such skill is waisted on something like this...

Sorry for the rant,
~RO

It was a good poem, but a few times, I felt it was a little petty. Also, it couldn't really hurt to tone down the hypocrisy, just a little. I think it was good, but you should really practice what you preach when it comes to trying to be understanding.