1) because it's wordy, add more line breaks
2) use "and" instead of "&"
3) delete the repeat of "memory" from the thrid paragraph
otherwise, i LOVED the imagery
and i LOVED the meaning...and wow this has really, really good potential. you can tell because i had short, simple edits instead of long wordy and vague ones that try to cover up the real meaning of how i felt =]
