To the Sky From the Ocean

There was a light
When I looked up,
To the sky from the ocean,
But as I sank further, hand outstretched,
A claw of hope closed as the light died out
And fell into a gloomy world of water.
My eyes shut, pressure against the lids
The peaceful weight of resignation.
Why bother fighting the tide anymore?
Why kick against the current?
It feels so smooth against my skin.

I could just sink forever.

This is very beautiful and sad. It's easy to write of despair and giving up, but it's another story altogether to write of such things in a way that doesn't make the reader feel like they've fallen into depression. I like the way you phrased these lines:

But as I sank further, hand outstretched,
A claw of hope closed as the light died out
And fell into a gloomy world of water.

I pictured what it would feel like to be sinking to the bottom, becoming one of those lost treasures in the deep.
The way I felt as I read the poem, it made me feel like maybe the choice to give up wasn't such a bad thing. That maybe letting go was natural. I don't know if that's what you meant, but it's what I gathered. Especially from the last two lines.
My only nitpick was the repetition of "pressure" in these two lines.

My eyes shut, pressure against the lids
The pressure of resignation.

I felt like maybe you could replace the second "pressure" with another word, using it twice sounded awkward. Maybe "weight"? Or "burden"? Or even "yoke", "bondage", or others. There are so many word choices that would make it flow better and have more impact.
Anyway, other than that, I found it perfect. Awesome work.

Happy Writing!
Bailey

Persephoneia wrote:There was a light, forgot the comma.
When I looked up,
To the sky from the ocean,
But as I sank further, Send this down to the next line perhaps?
Hand outstretched,
A claw of hope closed as the light died out, forgot the beloved comma again.
And fell into a gloomy world of water.
My eyes shut, pressure against the lids, poor comma.
The peaceful weight of resignation.
Why bother fighting the tide anymore?
Why kick against the current?
What ever that little symbol was it wasn't showing up right.It feels so smooth against my skin.
And why did you skip a line here?
I could just sink forever.

Over all I liked it! Nice rhythm, and no spelling errors! Keep on writing!

beautiful! I like the way you can picture everything that is happening and that maybe letting go its ok. keep going, I really enjoyed it, its easy to read! ♥

Hey there!

I like this poem. It's written in a simplistic style, but there's some good imagery there. It had a good start and a good end.

Persephoneia wrote:There was a light
When I looked up, No need for a comma here, as it continues with the next line.
To the sky from the ocean,
But as I sank further, hand outstretched,
A claw of hope closed as the light died out, Comma
And fell into a gloomy world of water.
My eyes shut, pressure against the lids, Comma again =P
The peaceful weight of resignation.
Why bother fighting the tide anymore?
Why kick against the current?
It feels so smooth against my skin.

I could just sink forever.

Other than that, it was a good read. Hope to see more from you!