Saving Lilly~New Chapter 5 (The real one)

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If anyone could get this onto my novel for me that would be great!

Lilly-Lynne was awake, but she kept her eyes closed. She danced in and out of dreams and reality. Finally when her eyelids started to flicker, itching to open, she yawned and sat up. The sun had just made her way into the sky and was pushing rays of light into the room. Lilly-Lynne blinked in the bright light. Finally she looked around. Her eyes widened and she stood, but much too quickly and the room blacked out around the corners and spun.
She was standing in a completely different room than she had fallen asleep in.
The walls were bare, stripped of the shelves of junk that previously lined them. The muddied carpet had been replaced with a crisp clean white one. The walls had been painted white. She saw a bed that looked to be taken out of a hospital, and realized that she had slept on the floor. A tall dresser stood in the corner, the only thing that wasn’t white. A white vanity was next to it with a small white stool. She ran to the window and was relived to see that she had not been moved, the room had just changed.
Inside the dresser was a variety of beautiful dresses and shoes made of fine silks and other rich materials. The vanity drawer held brushes, makeup and hair clips. She was utterly confused. She began to pace the floor and come up with a reason why they would move her to a different room. She had to stay calm, freaking out would do her no good. Maybe they thought better of keeping her in such an awful room? It wasn’t fit for a princess, after all. Or maybe they were going to put her in this room all along, but they had to get it ready first.
She thought for a while until she realized: they probably figured out about her shooting the Saraka with the arrow and got rid of all the things she could use as a weapon. But that still didn’t explain why she was suddenly in such a nice room! She stopped pacing.
Not knowing what else to do, she sat at the vanity and began to brush her unkempt hair. That took well over half an hour. When all the knots were out and she was sore from the tugging she pinned it back into a stylish bun. After that, she experimented with the makeup, not having much experience, she stuck with only a little bit of gloss and blush. Finally she went to the dresser and pulled out a lovely pink and yellow sun dress and pulled off her ratted old dress. She shivered in the cold morning air and quickly pulled on the sun dress.
After that she wasn’t sure what to do. She sat around thinking for a few minutes, but quickly became bored with that. She stared longingly out the window, but the lack of people wasn’t interesting. She pulled a sharp pin out of the vanity and on the top of the tall mirror made thirty-three tally marks. When she turned back around her breakfast was sitting on the bed. The first time this had happened, she was afraid to eat it, knowing it had to have been magic that put it there. But after a few days of not eating she became weak with hunger and dehydration and gave in.
This time she had a hearty meal of eggs, bacon, hash-browns, and orange juice on a china plate with nice silverware. It was definitely a step up from the meals she had gotten used to and gobbled it down. The rest of the day was uneventful and she drifted off to sleep in the comfy bed.
Last edited by funkyreg101 on Thu Aug 19, 2010 11:36 pm, edited 5 times in total.
One day your prince will come... Mine? He took a wrong left turn, got lost, and is too stubburn to ask for directions.




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Lilly-Lynne was awake,

Is that your character's name? If it is, it's odd. If not I think you should separate them.

Not knowing what else to do, she sat at the vanity and began to brush her unkempt hair.

She just woke up in a completely different room than she fell asleep in. If it were me, I would be freaking out more than she is.

she stuck with only a little big of gloss and blush.

Little big? Maybe little bit?

This time she had a hearty meal of eggs, bacon, hash-browns, and orange juice

Comma after hash-browns.

Overall: Weird. Suffice to say, I didn't read chapters 1-4, but still odd. You described the room well, but I still think a person would freak out because they wake up in a different room. It's kind of short for a chapter. That's just I would guess between 200-400 words? Anywho, keep writing and if you need a review, just ask through PM on YWS.

Signed,
Lethero the Werewolf
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Excellence In All We Do
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*Lethero*




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Thanks for the reply! I'm working on editing the story, but I thought you should know that the reason she isn't freaking out is because she knows the tower is magic and that so are the people who captured her. So if you were abducted by people who took over your town, kept you in a room like Rapunzel at the top of a tower in a room not fit for a princess and then randomly woke up in a room (Still at the top of a tower) fit for a princess where you could actually maintain a bit of decency, you would start freaking out knowing it would do you no good? I get what you mean though. You should really read my other chapters! (I realize that sounds really rude, but I mean it in a nice way) Thanks though!
One day your prince will come... Mine? He took a wrong left turn, got lost, and is too stubburn to ask for directions.



It is a happiness to wonder; it is a happiness to dream.
— Edgar Allan Poe