Flawless-4

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(A/N-For anyone who is following, I changed her name from Hanna to Emily)


4








I prefer being left alone, in times like this. I am, too. Caroline ditched dinner. I wish I were that smart. I sitting alone, across from Caroline’s empty place. Tiffany rolls her eyes.
“I am so sorry, Emily.” she says, “I never thought Caroline would o this.”
“It’s alright, ma’am.” I say with a slightly forced smile, “really, it is.”
“Tiffany.” she says, “please, call me Tiffany.” My father chuckles and shakes his head,
“We’ve raised her too well.” He chuckles, “won’t say a bad word about anyone, my daughter won’t.” Tiffany smiles a small smile.
“Now, Tiffany,” my father continues, “you know my marriage was just annulled,” my father reaches into a pocket and bulls out a little blue box. Tiffany’s jaw drops and she covers her mouth.
“I realize now that I love you. I love you more then anything or anyone. Tiffany Richards, will you marry me?” he opens the box, revealing a Tiffany engagement ring.
“Yes.” Tiffany says, “yes, yes.” People are staring, and beginning to clap. I put a Emd on my dad’s forearm.
“Daddy?” I say. I’m using the sugary-sweet tone that he can’t resist, “can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?”
“Of course.” he says suspiciously. I slid out of my seat and grab my purse, leading my father outside.
The light, Miami air is warm and comforting. I step outside and turn to face my dad.
“Daddy!” I say, “you’re proposing to her?” I’m trying to keep the shock and anger out of my voice.
“Emily, you’re seventeen. This isn’t your business.” He says firmly. I cross my arms.
“This is if it influences my life, then it’s my business. You’re moving too fast!” I say. My father sighs.
“Emily, this is my life. I love you, but I think this is the best decision.” he says, kissing my forehead. I take a step back.
“Why?” I ask, “why is it so important you marry her.” My father sighs and puts both hands on my shoulders.
“She told me earlier that she’s carrying my child.” he says quietly. That’s way too much information for me. I break free from my father and race back to the bathroom. I lock myself into a stall and proceed to throw up everything I just ate. I force a finger down my throat, puking myself raw, images of perfect, rude Caroline swirling in my head.
I wash my mouth out and head out of the restaurant with a word to Tiffany or my mother. I feel shaky and dizzy, still sick. Tears wet my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
That’s it. I don’t want to return home and tell my mother that her relationship with my father is over forever. I want to get back on my mothers scale, and see if I’m still one hundred and ninety pounds. Then I wouldn’t stop until I’m a perfect Caroline
When life hands you a BAD ROMANCE, pick up your TELEPHONE, call ALEJANDRO and JUST DANCE!




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The dialogue in this chapter is so much better! I love it. I still think you need to add MORE detail, and that's too easy to do with a passage as simple as an engagement.

If her parents were married for nearly thirty years, an annulment is impossible, they would have to get a divorce, which presents a complication with time. Although you haven't given us an idea of how much time has lapsed, I still get the feeling that an engagement would be premature, mainly because it takes time for a divorce to be finalized, a few months. Research is your friend, trust me!

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"he opens the box, revealing a Tiffany engagement ring' -- How does Emily know the ring is from Tiffany's? The best way for me, you, Emily and everyone else to know is for you to describe the color of the box. Tiffany's items usually come in blue packaging, research this on google, and incorporate this bit of knowledge into the passage if you'd like.
-From Gwen with Love-



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— Rudy (Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality)