An addition to David Copperfield

I am 8 years old and I have been reading David Copperfield. I wanted to know what happened to Mr Murdstone and his sister, Jane Murdstone. As it doesn't say in the book, I wrote this ending to describe what happens to them. This is all my own work.

The End of the Murdstones

Edward Murdstone and his sister Jane had just come back from Dover, the new home of David Copperfield. They were sitting on chairs, thinking of Betsey Trotwood and how nasty she had been to them. If you are someone like Mr Murdstone or his sister you would think that Betsey had been nasty to you. After all, David is your own stepson.

Suddenly a letter pushed its way through the post box and landed on the floor. “Jane, go and get that letter for me, please,” said Mr Murdstone, lazily.

“You can go and get it for yourself, Edward Murdstone,” said Jane, trying to sound fierce.

“YOU GO AND GET IT! I ORDERED YOU TO!” shouted Edward.

Jane reluctantly walked over to the post box and picked up the letter. She handed it to Mr Murdstone. He opened the seal, looking at it in wonder. Mr Murdstone’s eyes flew across the letter and then widened.

“Well?” asked Jane.

“I’ll read the letter to you. It is so bad. It says:

To Edward Murdstone,

We hate to tell you that your business is flying out of hand. The society is Okay, but it is just that your money is not protected and you are growing from rich to poor. You may know why you are poor. Come to the society on Monday, eighteenth of July, ten o’clock and SHARP!

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Simms

Leader of the Banking Society

The next day, Edward Murdstone walked to the society, Jane by his side.

“Mr Murdstone, you have lost your money because you have not come here for a few days. This shilling is your only piece of money left. You will not be allowed to come here again,” said Mr. Simms. “But I haven’t got enough food at home,” Edward protested.

“GO!” shouted Mr. Simms.

The next day, when Jane was bringing Mr. Murdstone some bread and water, she saw him lying still on the chair in the drawing room. He was dead. She sat next to him, closed her eyes and died herself.

Hello there Charlotte! Weclome to YWS!

Well, I hope you enjoyed David Copperfield! I absolutely loved the book and all of its film/television shows adaptations, especially the one the BBC made. It is quite a surprise for me to know that you've read David Copperfield at such a young age --- that was a compliment, since I've only read it when I was eleven --- and I hope you've got people who will discuss the events in the book with you. Too many adults think children are too young and naive to know (or understand) of the horrors that poor David faced during his childhood, but I personally believe that what doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger. Or how else did David become a better person?

All that aside, I found no mistakes in your writing --- hell, you already write better than me when I was eight --- but there are some flaws in your plot. It's not a bad thing, though, so remember to just take this with a pinch of salt and experience more. You soon know how to develop a plot.

Okay, so firstly you said that Mr Murdstone's business was flying out of hand and that his investments (or money) weren't protected. Well, technically, the bank would:

a) write in a more formal way (this is just an example)

Spoiler

Dear sir,
We are sorry to inform you that your investments in ______&Co. [that's the name of the company] has not been protected well enough from... [and blah blah blah] ...you may come to the the bank to oversee your money transferred... [blah blah blah]

b) not take away all Mr Murdstone's money just because he hasn't come over to the bank for a few days. It's actually against the law to do so, so the bank would have to have a perfectly good reason to cart all that money away. I'm not sure under what circumstances would the bank take away the money of the owner of an originally functioning company, so just leave this until you're (well, we) old enough to comprehend the messed-up world of finance and commerce.

Well, I absolutely did not like the ending, because I'm a bad person and want them to suffer more instead, haha . Just kidding.

Seriously, it's unfortunately a bit impossible for a person to just will himself/herself to die. Maybe you could have Mr Murdstone die of an heart attack after fully realising that he couldn't never have his old comfortable way of life ever again! It's just an idea, so you can think of more plausible ways for both of them to die painfully.

Anyways, keep writing! Never let these little details come between you and your writing. I know how hard it is when someone points at all the flaws in your story and look so smug about it. But believe me, these people (including me, haha) will one day indirectly help you improve your writing, so cheerios! You can always PM me if you ever need something or if you just wanted a person to talk to.

~iceprincess =]

Very very well done for an 8 year old. Can I suggest that you add some detail to the death of Mr Murdstone - why, for example, did he die and come, to that why not elaborate on why she died. Good luck.

Very very well done for an 8 year old. Can I suggest that you add some detail to the death of Mr Murdstone - why, for example, did he die and come to that, why not elaborate on why she died. Good luck.