Fixed At Zero [Chapter 5 - Draft]

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“Jerry… how do you think she’s coping with the… situation?” Mom’s voice floats up the stairwell. I creep next to the stairs and strain to listen.

I’m supposed to be in the shower, not listening to my parents’ conversation.

“I don’t know, Cathy…” Dad murmurs.

“What do you mean?” Mom hisses, “Can’t you see she’s falling apart?”

My father is silent.

“Megan’s death is obviously triggering her. To help her, we should consider sending her back into the psychology ward.

It’s for the best, Jerry.”

It’s for the best… Does that woman know any more sentences?

“Why don’t you just wait and see?”

“God damn it, Jerry!” Her palm slams into the kitchen table, “Can’t you see that standing by is killing her?”

He comes towards her, patting her on the shoulder and wrapping his arms around her.

“Let me go,” She wiggles free from his grip.

“Cathy… Can’t you just let me help?” He reaches for her, as she storms away.

She turns around, her eyes filmy with tears, “I am! The problem though is that she doesn’t want to be helped. She refuses to let us in! Putting her back in the ward would be the best for her, and for us.”

“Fine, Catherine. If re-admitting her back into the ward is the best thing for her, then we’ll do it.” He surrenders, his shoulders sagging.

My eyes widen, and I scamper back up to my room. They want to re-admit me to the facility that rips the souls from girls?

I won’t go, simple as that. They want me to go back? They’ll have to fight me to get it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A light knock sounds on my door. “Come in,” I call.

Mom pushes open the door and comes into my room, and sits on my bed with her hands laced together and her mouth sewn tight.

“What’s the matter?” I ask, evaluating her uptight expression.

She sighs, “Chloe… This isn’t easy for either of us, but your father and I are talking about you going back to the Addison-Manuel.”

I skitter across the floor. “Mom, you can’t!”

“You are only sixteen,” Mom reasons, “so, legally, we can.”

“If you send me back there… I’ll… I’ll…” I grope for a threat, my throat closing over.

“You’ll what, Chloe? If we feel that you are a danger to yourself, or those around you, we can settle this all in a court,” her eyes slit, “or, we can do this the easy way.”

Anger boils under my skin, “If you try to send me back there, I’ll kill myself. And, I mean, you don’t want another dead daughter, do you?”

“You wouldn’t dare,” She hisses, “not after everything you’ve been through.”

“Don’t you fucking tempt me,” I spit like a cat, prancing out of the room.

“I warned you, Chloe!” Mom screams after me.

I don’t hear though, because the voice of my mother only makes me vicious.




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RedRaven wrote:“Jerry… how do you think she’s coping with the… situation?” Mom’s voice floats up the stairwell. I creep next to the stairs and strain to listen.

I’m supposed to be in the shower, not listening to my parents’ conversation.

“I don’t know, Cathy…” Dad murmurs.

“What do you mean?” Mom hisses, “Can’t you see she’s falling apart?”

My father is silent.

“Megan’s death is obviously triggering her. To help her, we should consider sending her back into the psychology ward.

It’s for the best, Jerry.”

It’s for the best… Does that woman know any more sentences?

“Why don’t you just wait and see?”

“God damn it, Jerry!” Her palm slams into the kitchen table, “Can’t you see that standing by is killing her?”

He comes towards her, patting her on the shoulder and wrapping his arms around her.

“Let me go,” She wiggles free from his grip.

“Cathy… Can’t you just let me help?” He reaches for her, as she storms away.

She turns around, her eyes filmy with tears, “I am! The problem though is that she doesn’t want to be helped. She refuses to let us in! Putting her back in the ward would be the best for her, and for us.”

“Fine, Catherine. If re-admitting her back into the ward is the best thing for her, then we’ll do it.” He surrenders, his shoulders sagging.

My eyes widen, and I scamper back up to my room. They want to re-admit me to the facility that rips the souls from girls?

I won’t go, simple as that. They want me to go back? They’ll have to fight me to get it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A light knock sounds on my door. “Come in,” I call.

Mom pushes open the door and comes into my room, and sits on my bed with her hands laced together and her mouth sewn tight.

“What’s the matter?” I ask, evaluating her uptight expression.

She sighs, “Chloe… This isn’t easy for either of us, but your father and I are talking about you going back to the Addison-Manuel.”

I skitter across the floor. “Mom, you can’t!”

“You are only sixteen,” Mom reasons, “so, legally, we can.”

“If you send me back there… I’ll… I’ll…” I grope for a threat, my throat closing over.

“You’ll what, Chloe? If we feel that you are a danger to yourself, or those around you, we can settle this all in a court,” her eyes slit, “or, we can do this the easy way.”

Anger boils under my skin, “If you try to send me back there, I’ll kill myself. And, I mean, you don’t want another dead daughter, do you?”

“You wouldn’t dare,” She hisses, “not after everything you’ve been through.”

“Don’t you fucking tempt me,” I spit like a cat, prancing out of the room.

“I warned you, Chloe!” Mom screams after me.

I don’t hear though, because the voice of my mother only makes me vicious.



Okay, i know I've said this already, but i'll say these two points again
:arrow: Slow it down. Everythings being rushed, and I dont have a great grip on the characters.
:arrow: You need emotion. You have amazing emotion in little bits and pieces of our story here. mostly though, it's just flat and nothing to tie the reader to the story.
Especially where I have it in purple is where you need that emotion
~Kit
When life hands you a BAD ROMANCE, pick up your TELEPHONE, call ALEJANDRO and JUST DANCE!



The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest