"But an old friend"

My privacy has been breached
My every thought read aloud
My sanctuary has turn into a battle field
My hopes shriveled like a dry leaf
My dreams spoiled like sour milk
My heart cracked like old pavement
This is how I am to be treated in this desolate little town
My work has been dismissed
My face has been rumored ugly
My voice has been told to sound like a thousand animals dying
My ideas are told to be false
My very word hasn’t been trusted
I show my evidence but they believe it is fraudulent
I am claimed to be madly in love with a boy I rather hate
Who claimed all this?
But an old friend
A backstabber
She has a bottomless pit for a heart
A mind laced with evil thoughts
A mouth made to spread rumors
A nose to smell a victim
A pair of hands to hold the knife
A pair of eyes to find the weak spot
A pair of ears to hear the screams
A laugh made to make her victim remember her
A pair of legs to run from the scene
A set of finger prints is all she leaves along with a knife that sticks out of her victims back
Never again will I trust her
Never again will I respect her
Never again will I show her who I am
Shun, that may be what I do but no one messes with me
No one.

Hello,

Luckily for you I prefer complimenting people to destroying their self-esteem, so here goes:

I found this poem quite powerful as an expression of the pain and loss of trust a person can feel when they have been betrayed by a friend. I particularly liked the latter half; it doesn't exactly give new meaning to the term 'backstabber', but it does show how good a description 'backstabber' is of treacherous friends.

I quite liked you're use of the senses in this poem, "a nose to smell a victim". This is quite an animalistic thing to do, which serves well to lower the backstabber's level.

Furthermore, I think your lack of punctuation in this poem was appropriate; I'm not sure if others would agree, but I find one long, continuous, and perhaps grammatically awkward sentence overlapping several lines gives a poem a much more emotional (usually emotional as in angry) rhythm.

My only negative criticism is that you have misspelled a few words. I'm not sure if I detected all of them, but "breeched" should be 'breached' (breeches are a certain type of trousers, among other things), "dyeing" should be 'dying', and also where near the end you say "Shun, that maybe what I do but no one messes with me" it should be 'Shun, that may be what I do but no one messes with me'. But these mistakes are trivial and probably typos, to anyone with an open mind they shouldn't ruin the poem.

Oh, one more thing, I'm not quite sure I understand the title. Presumably it stands for something related to the poem. Knowing me, it's probably something really obvious, but I just thought I'd make a note of it.

Good work : )

Thanks for replying! Actually FS stands for some one who backstabbed me recently. But thank you so much! I'm not really good at spelling or grammar so thanks for helping me with that too!

I liked this. I know what it feels like to be stabbed in the back by a "friend". Granted, I was in fourth grade and a girl told someone who I liked, then denied it, but it all counts, right? I thought this poem was powerful, and I liked the constant repetition. The two last lines were my favorite. Keep writing.

-iheartbooks♥ (not a backstabber)

this is amazing! you described her exactly as she is, exactly what she does. ive felt her stab me over and over again and even just reading this made me think harder of the terror shes caused in our lives, the fear the remorse. i really could relate to this and it helped me a lot. i love all the metephors they really make you visualize how you feel. they make the poem more interesting to ead, and i love the way you said a bunch of metephors then a line of what she does then more meteephors to support it. i really love this poem and i really think you should keep writing more i wuld absoloutly love to read them!

Hi, I found this poem very straightforward and I can see emotion which is what I always look for in all types of writing. I am sure lots of people can relate to it.

Keep it up

Hey! Thanks for the feedback,first off,second,i really like this poem i can relate to it. I think alot of people can. it took me back to high school and the rumors,the way you described it,i think it was dead on .

I think you did a really good job on this! I enjoyed the rhythm that you used since it portrayed a more angry tone to it which is exactly what was needed here! My favorite part was when you started describing the "backstabber" mentioned in the poem. You completely nailed it on the head! Great post! :)