Ladybug Golashes

Something silly.. it's not meant to be super good, and I know the last line throws off the rhythm a bit. But I like it.




Ladybug golashes
In the pearl gray puddles
Jumping ‘round in the rainy day muddles.
Forget about the sun
That squash yellow heat
And come join me in the fun
On that wide empty street.
Polka dot umbrellas
Can kindly stay inside,
It’s a rainy day today
And they’re not something I can abide.

Persephoneia wrote:
Ladybug golashes
In the pearl gray puddles
Jumping ‘round in the rainy day muddles.
Forget about the sun
That squash yellow heat
And come join me in the fun
On that wide empty street.
Polka dot umbrellas
Can kindly stay inside,
It’s a rainy day today
And they’re not something I can abide.

I thought this poem was very cute and sing-song like at first glance. It has just enough details and the rhyme scheme works. Keep up the good work!

Very interesting. I liked reading this because of the detail used. I also like ladybugs so that was another positive.
Overall I feel as if you are dabbling in the field of poetry. It's almost like you could take this further, but didn't. Ultimately the length is respectable although the greatest strength of this poem is the imagery you brilliantly conjure in my mind of this scene actually happening. Keep on writing.

Sincerely,
-Elitehusky (Writing Name)

Hey Persephoneia!
What a wonderful poem you have here! It's very childlike and comforting, I wish my mother let me play outside in the rain with my golashes! But that's besides the point :]

Ladybug golashes
In the pearl gray puddles

The only thing I have to point out is that the adjective pearl in "pearl gray puddles" doesn't really work. It makes the puddles sound pretty. And I know I've never seen a pretty puddle before. I suggest changing it to something a bit less clean, it's puddle jumping after all!

Keep up the good work!
-SodapopLunchbox