This is a story I'm working on and i would really like some more input on it. Please comment.
August 19, 1995
The first day of first grade was a nerve-wracking experience. I suppose it could have been worse. It would have, actually, if I hadn’t met Jackie that day. She was a ball of tumbling energy. I was shy and naturally tried to steer clear of her. But for some strange reason, still unknown to me, she was fascinated with me and my lack of conversation. When I sat in the sandbox at recess she sat in front of me, her eyes big and inquisitive, trying to make me talk. I refused.
“Do you like airplanes, I love airplanes, they zoom in the sky and make loud noises. OOOO!! And fire trucks too, they make really LOUD noises, wooo-ooo-wooo-ooo,” she said, practically screaming at me, not bothering to separate her sentences. She continued on like that, thinking of different loud noises and then making them. I listened but didn’t feel the need to insert my own opinion until she started talking about trains. Trains were my favorite. “I don’t really like train noises, loud but all the same, no different ones like-” I interrupted her before she could say the next noise that came to mind.
“I like trains,” I said matter-of-factly. She stopped her seemingly endless stream of words, her mouth hanging slightly open. She stared at me, her dinner plate size eyes growing even wider.
“You talk,” she whispered. I think it was the quietest thing she had said in her life. I nodded but didn’t say another word that day, though Jackie didn’t stop trying to pry my mouth open. The next day she returned with a book of noises.
“You need to learn them,” she said, as she handed the book to me. I took it home and read through it, practicing the different noises in it. There was a fire truck, an airplane, and of course my beloved train. I brought the book back to Jackie and then proceeded to perform all the noises for her. When I was done she threw her arms around me.
“You know, Josh, you’re not so bad. We’re going to be best friends.”
So Josh and Jackie had become the DYNAMIC DUO of room 18, home of the first graders. That was, until the day Jackie left.
December 31, 1995
“JOSH!” Jackie screamed as she walked into my house. She wrapped me up in her six-year-old arms.
“Hey, Jackie,” I said still quiet, but a bit more talkative.
“OHMIGOSH!” Jackie cried out, “I’m so excited we get to stay up till MIDNIGHT! YAY!!”
“Hush, Jackie.” my mom said as she walked down the hall. “Do you have to be so loud all the time?” Jackie shook her head vigorously, putting her index finger to her lips in a sign of silence. Soon, though, the popcorn was popped, the movie in the VCR, and Jackie really was quiet as Simba ran across the screen. We tried really hard to stay up until midnight, to make it into the new year, but being six has its drawbacks. We were out cold before ten P.M.
The next morning Mommy made pancakes and sausage and we ate and ate until our stomachs would burst. It was then Jackie decided to spring the news on me.
“Its too bad we can’t ever do this again,” she said, as if I already knew.
“Well why not?” I asked. “You could come over again tomorrow. Right Mommy?” Mommy looked at me and sighed, shaking her head. Jackie bit her lip, as she realized she had made a tactical error.
“Well…” For once she seemed at a loss for words. “I’m moving tomorrow,” she blurted, while looking down at her food. I stared at her in shock. Suddenly all the time spent with Jackie seemed inadequate. She was moving. And this was the last time I would see her.
We stood by the door and I couldn’t bring myself to say good-bye. Mommy hugged Jackie tightly then stepped away, walking into the kitchen to clean up the breakfast mess.
“Jackie, who will I make noises with in class, now?” I asked, feeling a strange hollow feeling bite at my stomach. Sadness. Like when you pet worm dies except so much worse. She smiled though and shrugged.
“You’ll have to make them all by yourself,” she said, and hugged me, squeezing really hard. “That’s how I hug Grandpa, when we leave. Mommy always says that he might not be there when I get back.” Her lip quivered, and a tear slid down her cheek. “Grandpa died, you know. He wasn’t there when I got back. Will you be here, when I come back? You won’t die will you?” Her face was drenched, now but she didn’t wail as if her favorite toy had been broken, only whimpered as she waited for my answer. I squeezed her back.
“I’m not gonna die Jackie. Pinkie promise.” I wrapped my pinkie around hers and the deal was set. Then without really thinking about it, I kissed her cheek, the way I kissed Mommy’s in the morning, when I left for school. But she always came back to get me again. Something told me that Jackie would not be retuning. She was leaving forever.
Josh lived on, though, after that ball of energy, Jackie, left. He made the noises by himself, made new friends, started middle school and joined the football team. He rose through the ranks to become a people person, a popular, if you will. All because a little girl in the first grade, had a feeling that this shy little boy could talk
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PM me if you have any questions. I didn't see anything wrong here, maybe it went a little fast for me. 
