Sorry

I know that
I was
I terrible friend.
And I'm sorry.
All those times,
you still stayed
by my side
even though
I constantly
made fun of you.
And I'm sorry.
I insulted,
I mocked,
I disrespected.
Even though
you deseve
so much more
respect
because you
didn't leave me
by myself.
And I'm sorry.
You could make
me laugh.
You encouraged
and agreed.
But I dissed
and created
arguements.
And I'm sorry.
I should not
be surprised
that you
are walking
away,
leaving me.
But I am
surprised.
And because
of that,
I am sorry.

I really like the style of your poem, because it is different, and I like the content matter especially the repetition of the " I'm Sorry' and the comparisons that you make between 'you' and 'your' friend.

Maybe you could make the lines longer though, because sometimes I feel that it doesn't need to be that short on each line, the poem would not suffer.

Hope this helped, I like your walk, PM me if you want to further discuss or check out my work

The short lines of this poem are quite peculiar. At first, I thought it was a bit silly, but actually I think it works quite well with the subject matter; having to go to the next line every second or third word slows down the pace dramatically and roughly in a way which would force someone reading it out loud to stutter. A 'stuttering pace' probably isn't what you were intending, but people do 'stutter' (sort of) when they're emotional. To me, what you've done in this poem is found an alternative to overusing ellipses to control the pace and rhythm. As well as addressing the subject matter successfully, of course.

So yeah, I liked that. On to some negative criticism which is barely even worth reading:

On the third line it says "I terrible friend." Presumably this was a typo for 'A terrible friend.' I feel petty for criticising you for this, but it has to be said. Also "arguements" should be 'arguments'.

But anyway, minor spelling errors aside, personally I quite liked this. Keep on writing.

I liked this poem. I just wished you capitalized it's one of my pet peeves. That actually goes along with my poem FS. That sounds like my backstabber's reaction. I just wish the person who back-stabbed me would say that. But anyway it was well written.

TPak wrote:I liked this poem. I just wished you capitalized it's one of my pet peeves.

Lower-case letters at the beginning of sentences can be disconcerting, but if you look at the punctuation you'll see the lower-case letters are only put at the beginning of the sentences where they are mid-sentence. In this sense, this poem is actually more grammatically correct than most poems using enjambment, where each line for some reason begins with a capital letter even when in mid-sentence - it's almost like prose, only each line is dramatically shortened in length.

Just thought I'd point that out : )

Lauren,

Hello! Hope this is helpful:

A couple things I noticed:
First of all you missed a couple spelling errors which, while minor, were kind of distracting.

I terrible friend.

A

you deseve

deserve

arguements.

arguments

Second, It was evident what the poem was about, but the division of the lines made it very clipped sounding. For example here

All those times,
you still stayed
by my side
even though
I constantly
made fun of you.

This reads like
Da-Da-Da [pause]
Da- Da-Dut [pause]
Da-Da-Da [pause]

Know what I mean? It doesn't seem like the divisions are there for a specific purpose other than to make the line short. I think it would be far more pleasing to read if it were more fluid. Perhaps you can combine the lines that are one sentence? Or into chunks with more significance?

Third, I liked the repetition of "And I'm sorry".

Fourth, I think

I insulted,
I mocked,
I disrespected.

Might be better as three individual sentences. But that's a personal preference.

Fifth, you've done a very nice job here! I hope everything works out with this situation of yours!

Well done,

Maggie