The Poisonous Apple

I'm new here and this is the first poem I'm going to post. I really need constructive criticism, so have at it. Thanks

You were mysterious, full of pain
and my heart's desire was to take it away.
To your core I cut, and when I got there,
your sorrow and suffering I did share.
You didn't care if you lived or died.
With the tree I sat, together we cried.
You didn't know I love you until death.
From now, I promise, until my last breath.
But you made me fall, and on the floor,
I was also cursed to rot to the core.
And then, worst of all, you didn't care
when all along it was your burden I bare.
I thought I was your cure, but you're my disease.
Silly, naive me, always trying to please.
I was a fool and bit into your bait,
so maybe I do deserve my fate.
The poison has seeped down to my core
and soon I will die, of that I am sure.
But the part that gets me every time,
is that yours is the last name on my mind.

Wow, nice! I loved it by the way! I've noticed you're very good with poetry (I've read some of your other poems) and every time I see that you did another one, I read it. I don't always review, but it depends on if I have time. I had time, and used it well by reading your poem!
My favourite part was the first two lines.

You were mysterious, full of pain
and my heart's desire was to take it away.

I think that is so sweet and romantic! But that's just me.
Spelling was good, and I loved the way it flowed, it just made my time reading it better!
Well, if you need me to review anything else for you, shoot me a PM and I'll take a look!

~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~

Thanks, I appreciae it
But I just wanted to tell you I think you have me confused with someone else on here. This is the first poem I've posted on here, since I only joined today. But thank you very much and if I need anything reviewed leter I'll definiely let you know!

Hello,
This was good, but I couldn't help notice the number of syllables in each line; it is usually ten, but occasionally I found some lines with nine or eleven syllables. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but would I be right in thinking you were attempting to have ten syllables per line? If so, as I've already said, some of the lines have nine or eleven syllables. Just thought I'd point that out, but I was probably looking too much into it.

Another thing which was probably accidental, but which I actually quite like about this poem, is that it is very bittersweet, and sometimes apples are bittersweet in the literal sense.

I like this, and there isn't really much to criticise - to be honest, I don't really see how a poem can be bad anyway, but even by convention I'd say this poem is perfectly okay. However I wouldn't say it's extraordinary. The structure is very basic, the rhythm relies largely on rhyming couplets. There isn't anything wrong with that, exactly, and if those are the kinds of poems you want to write then don't let me stop you. But I do feel that many people with very original minds and ideas find themselves 'imprisoned' within poetic convention. As a poet, you are an artist, and as an artist you have artistic license. So don't rhyme for the sake of rhyming, don't have a set number of words per line and a set number of lines per stanza for the sake of it. Consider the rhymes in your poem. Do they actually add to the poem? Or do they distract the reader from the poem's meaning? Rhymes sound very nice, but poisonous apples...well, they may taste nice, but the poison itself isn't nice. Maybe you wanted the contrast between the nice rhymes and the poisonous apples, but if not, why have them at all?

So anyway, all I would suggest in future is to make sure you use your artistic license, and remember that your poems were written by you and therefore should represent yourself, not anyone else. And if someone doesn't understand your poems because they 'don't make sense' (where in actual fact they're just confused by its non-standard form), well then write more poems until they do make sense to other people. Obviously I haven't seen anything else you've written, so you may already do this. I don't know, I'm just a human.