If I Could Make Music

So, so silly... It's three in the morning though, so let me be! XD

If I Could Make Music
By Romance Otaku (http://romanceotaku.com/)

If I could make music
I would definitely start off with a kick and a bass
So hard that the sub woofer would shake in its case

If I could make music
Harmonious, happy melodies would ring
Much more beautiful than any human could sing

Know what, I bet I can make music!
I would practice every night
Then I could make music, right?

Wait, how much did you say that was?
Ahem... I think I'll go home and pick up my pen
Maybe someday I'll try again

If I could make music
I would use the beat as my sword
If only it was something I could afford...

It is silly, yes, but it's really cute
I like your flow and your subject matter

romance otaku wrote:Wait, how much did you say that was?
Ahem... I think I'll go home and pick up my pen
Maybe someday I'll try again

If I could make music
I would use the beat as my sword
If only it was something I could afford...

Those were my two favorite stanzas
~Kit

This poem was really cute but there were a few errors that I saw straight on,

romance otaku wrote:
If I could make music, (Comma)
I would definitely start off with a kick and a bass, (comma)
So hard that the sub woofer would shake in its case. (period)

If I could make music
Harmonious, happy melodies would ring
Much more beautiful than any human could sing

Know what, I bet I can make music! ('Do you know what' seems more appropriate writing.)
I would practice every night, (comma)
Then I could make music, right?

Wait, how much did you say that was?
Ahem... I think I'll go home and pick up my pen
Maybe someday I'll try again

If I could make music
I would use the beat as my sword
If only it was something I could afford...

It was just a few holes in the poetry armor, but even those can knock a good poem like this to the ground. Work on your punctuation and grammar and message me if you have any questions. Keep writing!

Yes, I agree, it is kind of silly, but I like it! It kind of reminds me of Dr. Seuss' writing style! Lots of enthusiasm!

In the second line of the first stanza, I think you should change "bass" to "base", so it would rhyme.

I especially like the second and third stanzas.

This poem is very imaginative! Great job, and keep on writing! You have a talent!

~Lindsay

This is the sort of fun, silly poem I can imagine finding in a children"s book - and that's a good thing! I especially like the first two stanzas. They really start the poem off well and set the rhyming pattern. Plus, the whole poem's really creative and fun! The only critique i have is watch your end punctuation. But good job and keep writing!