Charlie Manning

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This is a kinds random piece that I wrote and I'm not sure what to do with it.

Seven years ago
Sweat poured down my face as I climbed the steep hills of a dirt road. I had no idea how I got here, or where this path was leading me. Something was waiting for me, and I had to find it. Eventually, the road spilt in half, giving me two choices. One side was covered with thin trees, their leaves a stunning shade of purple. I heard laughter and began to wonder what was hiding behind this forest. Suddenly, I heard screaming and stared at the other road. There was a huge carnival. There was bright lights, fun rides, cheap games and the smell of sweet cotton candy and greasy pizza. Just when I thought this place couldn’t get any better I see them. They were all sitting together, laughing while they ate hot dogs and candy apples. A dark haired man, curly blond women and a little eight year old girl. Tears where swelling and my throut felt like it was closing up. To anyone else this wouldn’t have been a big deal but to me it was like a dream come true. I took a deep breath and started toward the carnival. There was no way I was going to let a moment like this slip though my fingers. But the curly blond women got up and started walking away. She was coming closer and closer, until she came to the end of the road, and it looked like she was stepping out of a picture. As she did everything changed. Before she had her curly blond hair up into a ponytail, with a plain green shirt, and faded jeans, now as she walked into the middle of the two roads her hair was down and laid effortlessly against her shoulders. Her sea green eyes looked like they had deepen in their color, while her California tan had washed away leaving her pasty and pale. I was surprised to see her wearing a dress. It went just past her knees and the straps dipped into a v-neck around her chest. It was as white as fresh fallen snow, with a design around the bottom. Each stitched snowflake looked like it made very carefully. I head never something that looked so plain, yet so beautiful. “Mom?” I whispered. She smiled and raced to the trees. “Mom!” I shouted and ran after her. Running through the trees, pushing past all their limbs, I could feel uncontrollable tears burning my face. “Mom!” I shouted again. “Mom, where are you?”

“Charlie,” I stopped as she called my name. “Charlie.”

“Mom, I can hear you.” I yelled. “Where are you?”

“Wake up Charlie. You have to wake up.”

“I don’t understand.” I fell to my knees as the tears quicken to an impossible speed. “Please come back mom. Please!”

“Wake up Charlie. Please, please wake up.” that wasn’t my mother. Who else was in this forest?

“Chloe?”

My eyes flickered open and above me was Chloe. Her eyes were puffy, and her face was bright red. She had been crying. “What happened?” I asked as I leaned back on my elbows. “Is everything ok?”

She shook her head as a few tears escaped from her dark brown eyes. “No. Someone’s fighting with Daddy again. I’m really scared.”

I signed and yanked my blanket over me. “Chloe, that’s nothing to be afraid of. Go back to bed.” For once I hoped that she would listen to me and go to bed. Fighting was something that was going on in my house. After ten year it was as normal and natural to me as breathing. My sister was another story.

“But Charlie,” she whined. “its Aunt Andrea. They never fight.” Immediately I was at the door cracking it just enough so that we could watch. Aunt Andrea was a close friend to our family and Chloe was right, they never fought.
Last edited by LiveLaughLove on Thu Aug 12, 2010 5:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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Hey there LiveLaughLove. I found some spelling and a few grammar-ish errors.
LiveLaughLove wrote:This is a kinds random piece that I wrote and I'm not sure what to do with it.

Seven years ago
Sweat poured down my face as I climbed the steep hills of a dirt road. I had no idea how I got here, or where this path was leading me to. Something was waiting for me, and I had to find it. Eventually, the road spilt in half, giving me two choices. One side was covered with thin trees, their leaves a stunning shade of purple. I heard laughter and began to wonder what was hiding behind this forest. Suddenly, I heard screaming and stared at the other road. There was a huge carnival. There was bright lights, fun rides, cheap games and the smell of sweet cotton candy and greasy pizza. Just when I thought this place couldn’t get any better I see them. They were all sitting together, laughing while they ate hot dogs and candy apples. A dark haired man, curly blond women and a little eight year old girl. Tears where swelling and my throat felt like it was closing up. To anyone else this wouldn’t have been a big deal but to me it was like a dream come true. I took a deep breath and started toward the carnival. There was no way I was going to let a moment like this slip though my fingers. But the curly blond women got up and started walking away. She was coming closer and closer, until she came to the end of the road, and it looked like she was stepping out of a picture. As she did everything changed. Before she had her curly blond hair up into a ponytail, with a plain green shirt, and faded jeans, now as she walked into the middle of the two roads her hair was down and laid effortlessly against her shoulders. Her sea green eyes looked like they had deepen in their color, while her California tan had washed away leaving her pasty and pale. I was surprised to see her wearing a dress. It went just past her knees and the straps dipped into a v-neck around her chest. It was as white as fresh fallen snow, with a design around the bottom. Each stitched snowflake looked like it made very carefully. I head never something that looked so plain, yet so beautiful. “Mom?” I whispered. She smiled and raced to the trees. “Mom!” I shouted and ran after her. Running through the trees, pushing past all their limbs, I could feel uncontrollable tears burning my face. “Mom!” I shouted again. “Mom, where are you?”

“Charlie,” I stopped as she called my name. “Charlie.”

“Mom, I can hear you.” I yelled. “Where are you?”

“Wake up Charlie. You have to wake up.”

“I don’t understand.” I fell to my knees as the tears quicken to an impossible speed. “Please come back mom. Please!”

“Wake up Charlie. Please, please wake up.” that wasn’t my mother. Who else was in this forest?

“Chloe?”

My eyes flickered open and above me was Chloe. Her eyes were puffy, and her face was bright red. She had been crying. “What happened?” I asked as I leaned back on my elbows. “Is everything ok?”

She shook her head as a few tears escaped from her dark brown eyes. “No. Someone’s fighting with Daddy again. I’m really scared.”

I signed and yanked my blanket over me. “Chloe, that’s nothing to be afraid of. Go back to bed.” For once I hoped that she would listen to me and go to bed. Fighting was something that was going on in my house. After ten year it was as normal and natural to me as breathing. My sister was another story.

“But Charlie,” she whined. “Its Aunt Andrea. They never fight.” Immediately I was? at the door, cracking it just enough so that we could watch. Aunt Andrea was a close friend to our family and Chloe was right, they never fought.

OK. Overall, I thought this was really sad in the middle. You have good emotion there. The descriptions at first made me think it was a dream mostly because I don't see many purple trees and that carnival thing. I also think you left us with a cliff hanger kind of.
That's all I really have to say right now.
~Ladypurple.
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You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
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LadyPurple,
First, thanks for your input. I'm really bad at spelling so that might explain all the mistakes. And I wasn't trying for a cliff hanger its just were I stopped in the story. But i hoped you liked it.
If you look deep enough you will see music; the heart of nature being everywhere music.
Thomas Carlyle

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu




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LiveLaughLove wrote:LadyPurple,
First, thanks for your input. I'm really bad at spelling so that might explain all the mistakes. And I wasn't trying for a cliff hanger its just were I stopped in the story. But i hoped you liked it.

That's alright. And You're welcome I did like it.
You're new? Great seas! Why haven't you gone to the Buddy System yet?



You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
~Rosey Unicorn



I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings