CHAPTER ONE
I sit here, perfectly still, quietly sitting up against the headboard. I sat there in the comfortable cushion that is seducing me into sleep, but sleep was very far from where my mind is at. I stared straight ahead, completely engrossed by the astonishment that I felt as I marveled at the breath-taking site in front of me.
Darkness, it was all around me. I could not see a single thing; my eyes were not capable of seeing beyond. My mind is thinking otherwise though. My eyes wandered around a room where nothing can be seen, not a single silhouette, not even the brightness of the moon that was surely eerily glowing just above the rooftop.
I shivered and wrapped my arms around me, but not because of the chill air that just passed by me like a wandering ghost. It was because my heart was swelling with the shadows.
Darkness, it reminded me of how everything was before God created the universe. Just this very thought put an eerie smile on my face. There was silence, like the mind of God. It was deafening, making my head throb with its thunderous silence.
I laughed feebly at myself, realizing what I had been thinking for the past…. I don’t even know. It feels like I have been wandering in my own thoughts for quite an eternity now, and sleep would surely come to crawl its way to me.
I shook my head and thought of how crazy I must sound. Marveling at the darkness was something that I don’t think anyone would do. I closed my eyes and then suddenly, everything was perfectly clear. It was as if I was looking into a world where the sun is shining blindingly bright above us, and my eyes wandered and shone vibrantly at the world that I am in. It was as if my eyes were open, and I was in another world. No, I was not in another world. I was where I am right now, but something about everything was extraordinarily different.
I was seeing beyond, looking at the world that no ordinary eyes are capable of. I breathed in deeply and smelled a peculiar scent. It smelled of a man, and my brows furrowed in confusion. I stiffened as I heard something. I could not quite decipher what it was.
I breathed out heavily and then fear suddenly crept up my spine as I felt myself falling. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. I felt like my eyes were stitched together, and when I tried to scream in horror at the thought, my lips would not open and I could not even muster a single sound. I was falling fast and the wind was cutting through my skin like tiny shards of glass.
Out of the blue I fell into an unbearable coldness, the icy water splashing hard and painful through my skin, engulfing me, choking all the air that I breathe. I tried to wail my arms around, panic shooting all over me. But I couldn’t move. It was as if I was in a dead body, and my mind was the only one that was working. I could not even feel my heart pummeling inside my chest.
It was then that I knew; I was being welcomed by death.
There was a moment of serenity as I realized what was about to come, and I smiled. I felt exhilaration as I realized that this might be the very last moment that I would be alive, and a sudden burst of energy coursed through my veins, making me hear the loud banging of my heart. It was not how people describe death in the movies.
If I were just a mere dying person in a movie, I would probably be sent back to the depths of my memories, making me feel as if I were living it once more. I would go back to some certain scenes in my life, I would remember something that was once long-forgotten, and I would hear the laughter of my loved ones, welcoming me in the warmth of their embrace.
But I was not just a mere dying person in a movie; I am a girl who is drowning in her own dreams, and the only thing that I could think about now was how beautiful the darkness was. The second feeling that came was pain, but not because a sudden flash of someone dear to me would be left behind, it is because I would die without even living my life with a purpose. I had lived a pathetic life, and I would die in a degrading way.
But the feeling that never came is regret.
My mind raced as I felt strong set of arms lift me from the sea of death. I felt my body shooting up, the icy water cutting me. Suddenly, cool air rushed into my lungs and finally, I was able to move. I gasped for air, realizing just now how much I absolutely needed it and didn’t think much of how I appreciate it.
Everything soon came crashing down on me, and my eyes widened in terror as I realized that I had almost died, and the most frightening part was that I felt at peace. I clutched the one who had saved me; his warmth comforted me, wrapping my cold body with his heat. I shivered wildly, my teeth chattering, and my whole body going numb from the cold. I clung to him, desperate and frightened.
I heard him chuckle darkly at me, and a tremor rippled through me. He sounded menacing, and yet his frightening demeanor calmed me down.
“Silly, little girl”
I shot up abruptly at the sound of my blasted alarm clock and then covered my eyes instantly at the blinding light. I was breathing hard, my whole body was soaking with sweat, my blanket draping heavily over me, and some of my pillows lay messily on the floor. I groaned, rubbing my face with my hands. I shivered as I still heard his voice, echoing inside my head.
I sat in bed for a few moments, feeling weak and drained from my odd dream. I don’t want to go to school, especially after that. I felt like I didn’t have any sleep at all; my mind seemed to be filled with fog and my eyes heavy with sleep.
I knew that if I sit here for another few moments that I might never get up, so I sighed in dejection and willed myself to get a move on. I stood up slowly, teetering for a moment, straightening myself and walked towards the bathroom. I stopped as I reached the bathroom door, looking back at my messy bed, my blanket on the floor along with a few pillows and the sheets wrinkled. It looked temptingly at me, screaming at me to go back to sleep.
I shook my head and sighed deeply, knowing that if I give in to the sweet temptation, I might never get up. I would be late for school, which in all honestly, is perfectly fine by me, but of course my parents would surely throw a fit and drag me out of bed, kicking and screaming, begging them like a lunatic to leave me be. And so I just willed my unwilling self to get a grip, opened the bathroom door and instantly went inside before I changed my mind.
I slowly took my night clothes off, getting inside the shower and grunted in annoyance as I fumbled with the knobs. I brushed my teeth after, my eyes roaming around the bathroom, desperately avoiding the mirror that would show the reflection of the lifeless girl that is just walking around the earth, just walking, breathing, thinking, but not really living.
As I was about to get out, my eyes betrayed me as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I instantly cringed. My messy dark hair was all over the place, my skin looked dead and my green eyes stared dully at me. I sighed in annoyance, shrugging my insecurities off and hurriedly dressed up for school as I heard a sharp knock from my mother while she said, “Emily, honey, hurry up or you’re going to be late for school!”
I sighed in unmasked irritation at her high-pitched voice and wished that I could somehow go back to the comforts of my bed and wander alone in my thoughts once again. If only I could escape everything in my life, even just for a day would be like tasting a drop of cold water in an extremely scorching desert.
“Oh and come downstairs there’s breakfast too!” she added and I cringed away from the shrill of her voice.
I breathed in deeply, preparing myself from the daily routines of my life. I slowly descended down the stairs, stomping my feet with each step that I make to create as much noise as possible. My mom hated people who stomp his feet. It irritates her indubitably, and it never cease to amuse me how she would flinch whenever she would hear someone stomp their feet.
I frowned as I realized that I am doing what I just did the other day. It seems that it was always the same routine. I would stomp my way down the stairs, sit down at the table without a single word of greeting, eat some of my soggy, tasteless food while Dad would scurry around the room, a scowl on his face, trying to find his keys and cursing every now and then under his breath while Mom would look at me pointedly and give me another long lecture of how people who stomp their feet does not have manners. I would just stare back at her, not talking, teasing her with my silence as I would watch her squirm under my uncomfortable gaze. I used to laugh at the fact that I would have such an affect on her, but it gets boring once you have been doing it practically your whole life.
The only one that was not as bland as we are is my brother, Damien. He ran down the stairs, jumping at every step, and with each step my mom would cringe, and I smirked as he jumped up high and landed loudly at the very bottom of the stairs. My mom rubbed her forehead while shaking her head, mumbling something under her breath.
Damien was the only one here that is quite bearable to be with. And fortunately, we both have fun when we see our mom cringe whenever someone would stomp their feet. Damien stomped his way towards the table and got a little of almost everything to be eaten. He smirked up at me as I looked at him, and my lips twitched.
Dad finally found his keys on his back pocket, mumbling angrily to himself and saying “Shit” every now and then whenever he would look at his watch. He hurriedly pecked my mom on the lips, I almost barfed at that, and both nodded to me and my brother. “Please try not to torture your poor mother, kids.”
Damien laughed at that with his mouth full and I looked at him in disgust. He soon finished his food as we both hurriedly went inside mom’s car, doing our own thing quietly. Mom soon frantically came out of the door, her hair wild and her lipstick too thick, and then we soon drove off towards school. On good days I would probably tell her that she looked like a mess, but today was neither a good nor a bad day, and so I just shrugged and let her find out for herself when she looks at a mirror. Yes, I know, I can be very cruel.
Unfortunately, we got to school far too soon for both me and Damien’s liking, and I sighed. Mom gave both of us some extra cash, just in case of emergencies, and kissed both of us goodbye.
“I’ll see you at 3, okay?”
“Yeah” I mumbled while hurriedly went out of the door. Damien had told my mom that he would have soccer practice after school, and would just get a ride home with his friends.
Mom soon drove off with Damien waving at me and shouting, “I’ll see ya later!” while soon running off to his pals.
I was greeted by the most infuriating noise ever, the disgusting chatters of teenagers. Some girls who were wearing extra mini skirts were giggling maddeningly next to the guys who’re playing ball, pointing at a guy every now and then and whispering to each other. Some guys who are wearing oversized shirts and pants that hung too low were laughing loudly, a booming sound that is making my ears bleed. Some dudes carry around a skateboard, having a useless chatter with their companions. Their laughter, shrieks of surprise, squeals of glee and yakking all mixed together and created some kind of muffled scream.
I breathed in deeply, counting from zero to five to calm myself down. My legs twitched from the overwhelming desire to just turn back and go somewhere far, far away from where my life is at right now. Sadly, this is my life, and I have no choice but to deal with it whether I liked it or not. I may be cruel, but I tell you, life is far more pitiless than I could ever be.
So I walked unwillingly inside the school, getting bumped by random students along the way with not even an acknowledgement and apology. I sighed while I walked towards my designated class, my eyes firmly focused on my feet. I noticed how my feet tremble with each step that I make and I bit back a humorless laugh.
It was just around ten minutes before the bell would ring and I still have loads of time. I took my time walking, trying to distract myself from my surroundings by counting. Suddenly, I felt someone push me roughly from my behind and I instantly fell down, shielding myself with my arms as my books and other contents of my bag exploded all over the place. My elbows were grazed from the rough impact of my fall.
All was quiet at first, a piercing silence that is making me tremble with anticipation to what would happen next. Then it happened; the shrieking laughter of mockery from the students as they watched me, while I am frozen from my place, overwhelmed with humiliation.
“Sorry, my foot just slipped.” A girl with curly, blond hair, icy blue eyes and disgustingly huge lips told me. She was wearing too much make-up, making her look like a birthday cake rather than a teenage slut. A boy with dirty blond hair that’s wearing the school jacket draped his arms around her, kissing her sloppily and then looking at me, smirking up at me tauntingly.
“Aw, I’m sorry there! I guess you should watch where you’re going, huh, freak? I wouldn’t want you to fuck your head up even more, eh?” the boy said teasingly, a huge grin plastered on his handsome, despicable face. The laughter of the students roared even more at what he said, and I didn’t know what to do.
I looked around at everyone, each and every one of their amused faces were nothing but a blur as my tears started to pool in my eyes. I covered my ears with my hands tightly, the disgusting sound of their laughter choking me, making my head spin with its horrible screech. I saw my sketchpad lying on the floor, too far from my reach. I tried to reach for it with trembling hands, but someone had pushed me back down again. I was breathing heavily, shaking with mortification and fury as I heard giggles when I fell down again.
The boy wearing the jacket, I suddenly recognized him as Andre, the quarterback, picked up my sketchpad with a delighted smirk and flipped the pages. His girlfriend, Rebecca, strutted her way towards him and looked at my art works, her eyes sparkling mischievously. I held my breath, praying to God that they won’t do what I think they’re going to do.
“You’re so talented, Emily! I didn’t know that you can draw so well… you’d have to teach me how to draw this squiggly thing next time.” He said with awe laced in his voice. I just stared at him blankly, his girlfriend looked at him, dumbfounded, and the others laughed nervously.
I closed my eyes, tears starting to well up, stinging my eyes as I heard the ripping of pages, crumpling of papers and the pleased snickers of students. Rebecca, the teenage slut who looked more of like my birthday cake when I was a kid, laughed loudly, drowning me in her malicious amusement.
I opened my eyes to see Andre holding my ripped masterpiece, torn to shreds, a wicked smirk plastered on his face. His eyes sparked with hilarity, and I trembled in repressed anger. Moisture soon descended down my cheeks, betraying my pride, my vision going blurry with all the tears, my breath coming in to short gasps. I hear every single student who witnessed my degradation laugh at me, enjoying my pain and distress, suffocating all the air that I breathe.
“Oh, man! Sorry, Emily! Why don’t you draw yourself a new one instead,” he said cheerily.
I looked at him, mortified at how heartless he can be, and I looked at everyone with my hands balled tightly, and my eyes wide with disbelief at how they can just stand there and be amused at someone else’s suffering. I wondered whom I hated the most; Andre, who is naturally a bastard and is just doing what he thinks is cool; Rebecca, who is ignorant and clueless as a worm, or the students who just stood there, watching me, maliciously satisfied and wickedly amused.
“Aw, look guys! The freak is crying!” Rebecca cooed.
“Freak!” somebody from the crowd yelled.
Laughter filled the crammed corridor, and I bit back a sob. I collected the things that were scattered around the floor with shaking hands, cringing every now and then as the crowd started chanting, “Freak!”
“Freak! Freak! Freak!” they chanted.
I put on a mask of bravery, stood up and walked towards the devil himself, Andre and his vile mistress, Rebecca as they stared back at me, an amused smirk plastered on Andre’s face. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at Rebecca’s puckered lips, making it sickeningly bigger than it already is.
I grabbed my tattered sketchpad from Andre’s grasp, shoved it inside my bag and walked with my back straight and my head held high. Silence was all around me as I kept on walking, deafening me. My walk was wobbly, my legs were weak, and then I suddenly realized that I wasn’t breathing at all until I sucked in a huge amount of breath.
I almost tripped as I heard the students hiss in hushed laughter. My heart resembled the angry beat of drums as I kept on walking, my façade breaking as my face fell and tears started to pour out of my eyes once again.
“Don’t fall down again!” Rebecca screamed at me, echoing throughout the hallway.
“Freak!” Andre added, earning a loud laughter from the watchers.
The bell rang, drowning their laughter with its blood-curdling shriek, making the students that were still in the hallway shuffle to their feet, hurriedly trying to go to their class, but not before shouting, “Nice one, Andre!”
I did not look back after that, walking straight ahead and purposely missing my class. My breathing was shallow, and the gloomy hallway that was once crowded were being filled with the echo’s of my sobbing. I couldn’t take any of this anymore. The sudden desire to run soon became too overwhelming, and I did not find any strength in me to stop myself anymore.
I ran, going from one corridor to another. I ran with my mind blank, not knowing where I would go or when I would stop. I ran until I reached outside, the light is blinding and the atmospheres in high spirit, making me run faster in frustration and jealousy. The sky was clear and crystal blue; the clouds looked soft and fluffy, resembling a delicious and sweet cotton candy. The trees stood tall and proud, it’s green leaves wide and fresh. The birds were flying freely up in the sky, exhilaration fills them as they glided in the air, singing joyfully, blissfully unaware of how unfair all of this is to me.
For a moment I have forgotten who I was. I was just a girl, normal and free like the birds. I was mindlessly running, the cool breeze blowing my hair, relaxing my mind, making me forget. For a moment, I felt bliss.
But of course, exhaustion soon caught up with me, making me stop with my hands on my knees, gasping for air and soaking in sweat. My body couldn’t handle it anymore, I was not capable of going beyond the limit, but my emotions were burning, making my thoughts jumbled and all over the place. I still had the urge to run, but I was too exhausted to even move an inch.
I recognized the familiar surroundings, sighing heavily to myself as I saw the big mango tree just in front of a standard looking house, the wide road and a skateboard just lying in front of the white gate. I opened the gate and slowly went inside, earning a pained expression on my face with each step that I make. I would surely be sore the next morning.
I closed the door loudly, making sure to alarm my mother that I was home.
“Who’s there?” I heard, once again, the loud shrill of my mother, and like any other day, I cringed.
I ignored her alarmed question and went upstairs, stomping my feet along the way. I could just imagine the confused and horrified expression of my mother, and I have no doubt that Damien would take an interest in that.
I heard frantic footsteps, and I tried to hurry up my pace, but I was just too tired. I felt like I was carrying some heavy weights as I’m climbing the stairs, and I couldn’t breathe.
“Oh my goodness! I thought you were some… hold on a second, what are you doing here, Emily? Shouldn’t you be in school?”
I, like I always do, ignored her as I reached the top and walked on my way towards my haven. I gripped on the strap of my bag in anticipation, and I opened the door with shaking hands, went in and instantly closed and locked the door. Relief soon flooded me, and it was as if I was high in the sky, breathing fresh air, flying without a care in the world.
I did not bother to open the curtains nor the lights; I took comfort in the darkness. I dropped my bag and it landed with a thud while my eyes were glued to my bed. I heard a sharp knock from my mother and some rustling as she struggled to open the door.
“Emily, what’s wrong? Why are you not in school?”
Silence was the only thing that I could muster.
“Emily, answer me! Open the door! Emily!” she yelled.
I closed my eyes and ignored the loud shrill of her demanding voice. My mind suddenly stopped working, like a computer over-heating and shutting down in exhaustion. I walked dazedly towards my bed, lying down slowly and carefully, as if my bed were something irreplaceable and worth of something far more significant than money.
Darkness, it was all around me. I felt just like what I had felt in that odd dream. I was falling, but this time, there was no fear creeping up my spine. This time, the harsh wind did not hurt. In a way, it was almost comforting.
I felt myself slipping away, and I smiled in relief.
Tap, tap, tap…
I groaned as I was suddenly brought back to reality again. I was fading fast, but I would always be brought back whenever I would hear that irritating sound.
Tap, tap, tap…
My brows furrowed, confused at what that sound is. I wondered if it was my mother, and with the thought of that, I suddenly heard my mother’s loud voice shrieking at me just outside my door. It seems that I had a knack for blocking things out, and I tried with everything that I’ve got left to block out my mother.
Tap, tap, tap…
I cursed under my breath and sat up, looking around my room and trying to decipher where the sound is coming from. My head snapped at the window, and my heart stopped as I saw a shadow.
I walked mindlessly towards the window, my mouth agape and my eyes glazed over. The windows were covered by my heavy curtains, making it hard for me to make out the stranger perched up just outside my window.
For a moment I just stood there with my hand clutching the side of the curtain, my heart racing and my hands cold as ice.
Tap, tap, tap…
I pushed the curtain away, my hand falling to my hands as I gasped. My heart stopped, skipping one painful beat, my eyes widened, and a smile broke out on my face.
“Blake…”
I also ask you to not take these things personally. I just want to help. 
Don't worry, I like it when people try to give their honest opinions... I need an outsiders opinion for me to improve my writing even more 
