The problem with creating a masterpiece

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Points 1465
Reviews 15
The canvas blank,
The lines are lost,
The shapes are gone,
The painter paused.
-
The colors are hidden 
Within the mind,
But will it create them
Or leave them behind?
-
Within us a story
That might not exist,
And only our hand
Can release their bliss.
-
But the real story,
It's not so easy,
For motivation
Can be quite sleazy.
-
For the words will hide
And the chase will last,
With the wrong phrases
Your hand might cast.
-
But in the end,
A masterpiece in sight.
But we must decide,
If each one is right.




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Gender Female
Points 1171
Reviews 206
13timmy24 wrote:The canvas is blank,

"Is" sounds better in that sentence.
But the real story,
It's not so easy,
For motivation
Can be quite sleazy.

That doesn't flow too well for me. Maybe some rewording.
Overall, I like it. But it needs some work. I love the comparisons.
~Ladypurple.
You're new? Great seas! Why haven't you gone to the Buddy System yet?



You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
~Rosey Unicorn




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Gender Male
Points 1909
Reviews 21
Hi there! I've not reviewed a poem before, so this is my first try.

The colors are hidden
Within the mind,
But will it create them
Or leave them behind?


You've mentioned that the colors are hidden within the mind, but then you go on about how it creates them. In this context, the mind shouldn't create colors since they are already hidden in it.

But the real story,
It's not so easy,
For motivation
Can be quite sleazy.


This verse is somewhat different to the rest of the story. Here, you've used a sort of casual tone while the rest of the poem is a lot more dramatic and ... poetic. :P Also, I do not like the way you used the word "sleazy" here. It's as if you you just pasted it there to keep the rhyme going.

Overall, it was a good poem beside these few nitpicks. Good luck!
Check out my blog: Razztazztic!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1944
Reviews 116
13timmy24 wrote:The canvas blank,
The lines are lost,
The shapes are gone,
The painter paused.
-
The colors are hidden 
Within the mind,
But will it create them
Or leave them behind?
-
Within us a story
That might not exist,
And only our hand
Can release their bliss.
-
But the real story,
It's not so easy,
For motivation
Can be quite sleazy.
-
For the words will hide
And the chase will last,
With the wrong phrases
Your hand might cast.
-
But in the end,
A masterpiece in sight.
But we must decide,
If each one is right.


Wow! Great job! I love this, and it's true! I know I don't review good, but I loved this, and I know this is short, but I have nothing bad to say! This is great! (If I haven't said it enough!)
If you need me to review anything, shoot me a PM! I'd be more than happy to review it.

~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~
Hakuna Matata <3
RIP to all my friends who didn’t make it.

Hop freight or get lost.



If I'm going to burn, it might as well be bright.
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