Eternal Friend

I feel a throbbing under my feet,
A loud, raucous beat;
Under the full moon, in the eternal rain
I stand, captured by an invisible chain
Holding me in place
Below the intoxicating sky full of grace
The stars dance across my bleary vision,
The earth breaks into a divine division.
I feel myself falling into the dark;
It closing behind me, with barely a mark.
Like I never was, or have never been;
It will never be like it was back who knows when.
Desperate loss, I stare where the sky used to be,
Remembering when the I was a we.
It seems like a crater in the middle of my being;
I don't know what I could possibly be seeing.
So much has changed since then,
Only God knows where we've been.
I only wish that I had known
Where your heart had flown.
We had been so close
But you were the one who chose
To end it all;
Why must I be pushed into a perpetual fall?
Yet I don't blame you
When you felt something so true.
So now I'm trapped within this hole.
Blinded, like a mole.
I'm stuck in your silence
So quiet, almost violence.
It may never end
But even so, you remain my eternal friend.

Wow you're an awesome writer! I loved the use of similies (they're my favorite). I definately think you should stick to poetry because I wish I could write them like that!!

As for you and your friend, I hope you work it out. I know what it's like to feel like the whole world's caving in on you and there's no one else! But hey, on the positive end of things, we're still young and have a plethora of opportunies to make new friends. Good luck:)

Thanks but I don't even think this person is my friend anymore so... Thanks for the review anyway. Keep reading.

Hi Amandajo I'll be your reviewer today. I like this piece. None of the stanzas really seemed forced to me.

amandajo wrote:It closing behind me, with barely a mark.

Try re-wording that. Maybe "It's closing behind me."

I'm stuck in your silence
So quiet, almost violence.
It may never end
But even so, you remain my eternal friend.

I like the emotion right there. I know what it's like to lose a friend.
Well keep writing!
~Ladypurple.

Hey thanks and I like how it is so ya I re-read it and thats how I wanted it to be but thanks for the review.

The poem excellent! You're a true writer! The imagery of the poem is nice and very consistent, and as the other reviewers said, the similes are great! My only problem is that at times I feel like the rhyming is a little bit forced. Just make it flow naturally; it doesn't always have to sound great to be great. Keep on writing, you have a talent!

~Lindsay
"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living" ~Anonymous

amandajo wrote:I feel a throbbing under my feet,
A loud, raucous beat;
Under the full moon, in the eternal rain
I stand, captured by an invisible chain
Holding me in place
Below the intoxicating sky full of grace
The stars dance across my bleary vision,
The earth breaks into a divine division.
I feel myself falling into the dark;
It closing behind me, with barely a mark.
Like I never was, or have never been;
It will never be like it was back who knows when.
Desperate loss, I stare where the sky used to be,
Remembering when the I was a we.
It seems like a crater in the middle of my being;
I don't know what I could possibly be seeing.
So much has changed since then,
Only God knows where we've been.
I only wish that I had known
Where your heart had flown.
We had been so close
But you were the one who chose
To end it all;
Why must I be pushed into a perpetual fall?
Yet I don't blame you
When you felt something so true.
So now I'm trapped within this hole.
Blinded, like a mole.
I'm stuck in your silence
So quiet, almost violence.
It may never end
But even so, you remain my eternal friend.

Wow. This is GREAT!! I liked it! Need anything else reviewed, shoot me a PM!

~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~

hey, I really enjoyed this poem and feel I'm not sure how exactly but really happy that its my poem that inspired this poem I like how you made your emotions and feeling known and the way you show true friendship or love can last throughout anything to some people or thats the impression I got from this, I'll look forward to reading your work as you keeping writing more well done, keep on writing and I think your work can only get better

Wow. That's a powerful poem. I like the similes and the rhyming, though some of the rhyming words don't fit as easily as the others, but that's okay it's still really good. Maybe the reason I like this poem so much is because I can relate to it, but I think most people can relate to it even if they haven't lost a friend because everyone's lost something they wish they hadn't in their lifetime. Good work, and don't stop writing!