What fools we all are

What fools we all are
When compromise comes,
We cling to the wrong
Don't stick to our guns.
-
And whether we win,
The loser will cry,
Yet in the end,
You suffer the lie.
-
The lie you believe
Is the one real truth,
The lie that reveals
Your heart's not foolproof.
-
The lie that will haunt
And torment your mind,
The lie that will crush
And leave you behind.
-
It can't be erased,
You'll face it forever,
And here's the worst part,
That knowing is better.
-
And the irony is
It's all your damn fault,
And the rhythm is gone
And your heart's love dies.

Hi 13timmy24! Nice poem you have here! Well, it seems a bit more like a rant than a poem, per se. But whatever.

I like your consistent rhyme scheme and flow, and I especially love how when "the rhythm is gone," you drop the rhyme and the rhythm. Great way to personify your words!

... although I still feel like this is sort of a rant.

Hope this helps!

- Abigail

this is really good and it made me think, i got lost in the words and was sad when it was over keep writing you have natural talent

britishwannabe wrote:this is really good and it made me think, i got lost in the words and was sad when it was over keep writing you have natural talent

Not to be rude, since I appreciate you taking the time to look at this poem, but your reviews on both of my recent poems seem to lack depth, and I would apprciate more depth in them, perhaps specific things you liked and things I can improve on.
Sincerely,
Me

Hey, Shadow here!

First off, I love the way you included the title of the poem in the first line of the poem.
This is a very good poem, I enjoyed reading it! It had a good flow, and I understood what
the point you were trying to get across. Very good job.
If you need anything else reviewed, shoot me a PM, and I'll take a look at it!

~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~

This is a good poem. I really like the rhythm and how smoothly it reads. I did have to read through it a couple of times before I felt like I completely understood it, but that may just be me being tired. The most powerful lines for me would have to be the third stanza: "The lie you believe/Is the one real truth,/The lie that reveals/Your heart's not foolproof." That's stanza really hit home for me. And, in general, I like the passion you convey through the word choice and repetition. The only thing that I'm not sure of is the second two lines of the first stanza. "We cling to the wrong/Don't stick to our guns." If one "clings to the wrong" when making a compromise, wouldn't that be the same as "sticking to our guns?"

Overall, very nice poem I hope that helped?
~Lauryn