hmmm i like this one. i got a bit of a drifting feeling, almost like it was a lullaby.
good job !!
The talent of an amazing writer, they can convey any emotion, make you feel thing's you've never felt, and help you understand that which you thought you never would.
This flows nicely and you pay a lot of attention to word-sound, which is great, especially for this sort of piece. It makes it sound really melodic. I especially enjoyed the first and last line.
The only thing I'd change is "cavern place". I'd either change "cavern" to an adjective which describes the place, or change the line to describe the cavern, also changing the line which this rhymes with.
You could add punctuation, but I don't think it's strictly necessary for this piece. However, if you would like any help with adding punctuation, p.m me and I'll share my thoughts.
A pleasure.
Hope this helps,
Jas
"Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise." -Maya Angelou
That's how we should measure our lives. Not in distance traveled, or time passed, or worlds conquered, but in moments... and the rush of joy—of grace—that exists within them. — Megatron (Lost Light, by Roberts, Lawrence, Lafuente)
