Summer

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“Summer”
Summer is coming, the sun is shining
The weather is hot, we better go swimming
Sexy girls at the beach, we better take a glance
Or will regret it, it’s only a matter of chance

My head is aching, a good massage might be relaxing
My toes feel numb, a water is refreshing
My body shivers a lot, summer makes me sore
Ahhh, what a wonderful day, I can’t help no more

A plentiful of food, healthy and sumptuous
The scent of a sampaguita, pungent and vicious
It is a time of enjoyment, thou shall not miss
For a year of nonstop errand, we must experience a simple bliss

Leisure and excitement, is coming our way
Prepare for summer, it might be happening next day
Chill and play, you should come and stay
For the most enjoyable event, it’s time to play!


-ps, It's my 2nd poem so far, i'm not a pro just a beginner :)
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so..."




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Points 6431
Reviews 155
Virsanity wrote:
“Summer”
Summer is coming, the sun is shining
The weather is hot, we better go swimming
Sexy girls at the beach, we better take a glance
Or will regret it, it’s only a matter of chance

My head is aching, a good massage might be relaxing
My toes feel numb, a water is refreshing[color=#FF0000] delete the a it would sound better if you didnt have the a

My body shivers a lot, summer makes me sore
Ahhh, what a wonderful day, I can’t help no more

A plentiful of food, healthy and sumptuous
The scent of a sampaguita, pungent and vicious
It is a time of enjoyment, thou shall not miss
For a year of nonstop errand, we must experience a simple bliss again i think it sounds better without a

Leisure and excitement, is coming our way
Prepare for summer, it might be happening next day
Chill and play, you should come and stay
For the most enjoyable event, it’s time to play!
[/color]


-ps, It's my 2nd poem so far, i'm not a pro just a beginner :)


I really liked this poem and how it described summer. It gave a GREAT description and I feel the EXACT same way about summer; although it is coming to an end :(. PM me with any questions on my review :) lots of love Jenn
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn




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Points 14688
Reviews 193
"Summer”
Summer is coming, the sun is shining
The weather is hot, we better go swimming
Sexy girls at the beach, we better take a glance
Or will regret it, it’s only a matter of chance The bits where you went 'We better' sounded a bit weird, perhaps you can replace them with other

My head is aching, a good massage might be relaxing
My toes feel numb, a the water is refreshing
My body shivers a lot, summer makes me sore
Ahhh, what a wonderful day, I can’t help no more This line is a bit confusing. What can't you help anymore?

Leisure and excitement, is coming our way
Prepare for summer, it might be happening next day
Chill and play, you should come and stay I like the last stanza
For the most enjoyable event, it’s time to play!


For a beginner this is really good especially seeing as this is your second poem. I enjoyed this. :D
Dont tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.

Anton Chekov



If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
— Lemony Snicket