Storm.

Storm

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down.

Lightning flashes, and lights up the sky,
A sense of doom, an excited cry.
The sky grows quiet, as the sun goes down.
A red stained dusk with thickening clouds.

Purple lights up the night as the stars come out,
A night so calm, alive with thundering rounds.
Drifting far away, with the clouds,
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

Hey Scar. I thought this was really good. I found it flowed really well, and the rhyming scheme was strong. But I thought the rhythm in the last stanza was lost. It just seemed not to fit with the rhythm of the rest of the poem. But other than that, I thought it was really good.

Hi, ScarlettFire. I'm going to be reviewing your poem today. Cool user name by the way. Now onto the review.

Storm

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down. It seems like this line makes the flow falter

Lightning flashes, and lights up the sky,
A sense of doom, an excited cry.
The sky grows quiet, as the sun goes down.
A red stained dusk with thickening clouds.

Purple lights up the night as the stars come out,
A night so clam, alive with thundering rounds. Do you mean calm?
Drifting far away, with the clouds,
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

Overall: I really liked this poem. It had a smooth, lively flow. Your imagery was very vivid, so good job with that. Maybe it's just me, but I believe there is something about the way your poem flows that makes it so unique. My only complaint is the last line in Stanza One. Because it was so long, the flow faltered, but other than that, I love this poem, I look forward to reading more of your work. Best of luck with your writing~bluewaterlily.

ScarlettFire wrote:Storm

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down.

Lightning flashes, and lights up the sky,
A sense of doom, an excited cry.
The sky grows quiet, as the sun goes down.
A red stained dusk with thickening clouds.

Purple lights up the night as the stars come out,
A night so calm, alive with thundering rounds.
Drifting far away, with the clouds,
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

This is amazing. The way you've described the images is unbelievaby flawless. However, I have a coupl of notes.

1.A sense of doom, an excited cry.

I think you should describe the cry with something the reader can relate to doom. Excite could be a result of fear, but use something deeper.

2.The sky grows quiet, as the sun goes down.

I would rather if you use the verb "turns" instead of grows. Then it would not confuse the reader. (growing sky), you know?

3.Purple lights up the night as the stars come out,

Okay, I know you meant that purple color lights up the sky. However, try this:

Purple rays invade the night as the stars come out.

This poem was amazing. Good job scarry, I enjoyed every word!!

ScarlettFire wrote:Storm

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down. I really liked everything up until here. I agree with Lily. It has one two many syllables. If you don't mind making the first stanza a different length, you could probably try seperating the line. Or you could just take out/change a word. It's your poem, so it's really up to you in the end.

ScarlettFire wrote:Purple lights up the night as the stars come out,
A night so calm, alive with thundering rounds.
Drifting far away, with the clouds, And this is the only other line I wanted to point out. This one seems like it doesn't have enough syllables. Add an adjective before clouds, or an adverb before drifting. Or maybe I'm just rambling. xD
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

Two quick things:

I definately agree with King about how strong them imagery was, especially in the first and last stanzas. (The first line in the last stanza was my favourite as far as imagery goes. I really liked the last line, too.

And then I agree with Lily about the excellent flow. It did, as she said, make the poem unique. Other than those two lines, the flow was excellent. (And those two lines are very easy fixes, too.)

Thanks for the read. ^-^

it was a very good poem, i thought anyhow, very descriptive and such. it showed creativeness and gave a good image of what you were explaining. good work =D

Hello Rain here! So, I liked this poem, the rhyming messed me up a bit, if you could have a set rhyme scheme, it would work really good.

Red- Grammer mistakes
Blue- Things I think you should change to make the poem better, in my opinion, or from my expereance.
Pink/purple- Things I really like
Green- Aditional comments

A brilliant sun with skies so blue,
The day so warm, and flowers in bloom. << I like the rhyme between these two.
Clouds roll in, dark and low,
The sun now hidden as the rain pours down. << So, first, this line reads kind of awakardly, and second, You should rhyme the last word of this line with "low".

Lightning flashes, and lights up the sky,
A sense of doom, an excited cry. << I like this because I have always loved storms and when I was little when a storm would come I would hear lightning and scream then just laugh at myself and go to the door to watch.The sky grows quiet, as the sun goes down.
A red stained dusk with thickening clouds. << You should make this last word rhyme with "down". You may have to change the line up a bit to do so though.

Purple lights up the night as the stars come out, << So, with this, before you say that the clouds are getting thicker, how would the stars be able to be seen if there are really thick clouds in the sky?
A night so calm, alive with thundering rounds.
Drifting far away, with the clouds,
As the storm dissipates, into the sound.

So, what I liked about this poem mostly is that it has a lot of potential. You can make this poem really good simply by fixing the rhyme and editing it a little more.

Good luck!

~Rain~