Recovery: Part One

I'm thinking about turning this into a novel, but I'm not quite sure yet. I have never gone back and edited it, so keep that in mind. I've really enjoyed writing this so there will be more to come! It's a bit religious, a bit romantic, and a bit exciting, so enjoy if you can!

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Her husband had been dead for ten years. She was a living ghost. No one spoke to her. She spoke to no one. It was almost as if no one saw her. She had gotten to a point where she truly believed that. When one of her kids came to visit, all she did was mumble to the point of the brink of their annoyance. They would leave. But she didn't really care, honestly. She didn't enjoy human companionship anymore. She had lost contact with all of her friends and no one ever came to visit, save her kids every once in a while.

Her life was like an egg. It had once been beautiful- unblemished and perfect. But it seemed as though when her husband died, it broke. Everything that was made her feel good inside just oozed out and left behind only a broken mass of shards of what once was. It wasn't fair. He had meant everything to her. He was the only man she had ever loved, and she had loved him since they got married at the age of seventeen. Even before then, she had harbored a crush on him.

She was sixty-five now. Her husband died when they were fifty-five. The past ten years had been a living hell for her. Every day, she asked God why He had to take her precious Bill away from her. He was all she had, aside from the kids. She had no feeling inside now that he was gone. She did all her favorite hobbies still, but it was out of habit. She read the newspaper, wrote, read her favorite classics, and played piano. But none of these things thrilled her like they used to. When Bill was still alive, he was there to smile down at her while he cooked breakfast and she sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. He was there to read her favorite classics alongside her, in their special chairs in front of the fireplace. He was there to sit on the opposite side of the piano and just gaze at her while she played. These things were her simple joys in life. All he ever had to do to please her or cheer her up was to give her a smile. His smiles, his hugs, his kisses... they were what she lived for, and he the same. She knew that. He was her best friend, and she his.
She looked at pictures of him every day until she cried. Some of them even had stains from all the tears she had cried over him. When she went to bed at night, she prayed to God and asked him to tell Bill that she still loved him- that she alway would. She asked him to tell Bill to wait for her until she could join him at the pearly gates.

Your grammar and vocab was pretty good overall, and your writing flows nicely. You seem to be one of those writers who can put a great deal in a paragraph and never bore the reader, which is great.
On the other hand, I do think that if you're going to extend this--or turn into a novel, especially--you shouldn't give away so much information right off the bat. There are other details that need to be developed, such as the setting and more background on your main character.
There's an old writer's adage that says "Show, don't tell." You did a lot of telling. I think you could show us how indifferent she's become to the world and how much she misses her husband through dialogue and action. She does need to interact in some way with other characters--that'll add depth and interest.
Very vivid descriptions, though. I could see everything quite clearly. Keep writing.

Thanks so much!

I'll do some editing and such later on, I think.

Hey Eleanor, Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

all she did was mumble to the point of the brink of their annoyance.

The brink of their annoyance sounds really odd.

He was all she had, aside from the kids.

Surely they count for something though?

Okay.

II. BEGINNINGS

Firstly, I think you could really benefit from reading this article. It's by our very own Rosey Unicorn and discusses what a hook is and why it's needed to pull your readers into your story. As it is, it's really not gripping at all. You talk about her reading the newspapers and books and her everyday life, but it's not done in a particularly original way and as a result it just doesn't make for an interesting beginning. Try working on that

III. OVERALL

It's not bad, but you don't very much out of it as far as starting the story goes either.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x

Thanks, Stella! I'm going to re-draft this part of it before I post up the second part.

I'll keep these things in mind and read that article when I have time.

Thanks again!

def going somewhere