An alright start?

If stop being lazy, this is gonna be my profect for the next couple of months. For the first time ever I'm attempting something longer than a short story! This should be interesting.

Anyway, is this an alright start?

Just a little further and Edan was free. Free from his three bedroom, two bathroom prison. Leaving behind his cellmates who paid rent and lived on a strict diet of alcohol and pizza. Missing the movie they put on for the inmates, to make his own cinematic experience in the open air.
He slid through the open window that may as well have been iron bars and dropped onto the ground below. The guards were at their posts on the couch, the searchlights were dimmed by drawn curtains, and the faithful guard dog was asleep on the job in his box. The perfect escape. Now nothing stood between him and his mistress.
"Ah, my dear," Edan whispered, greeting her with poetic flattery like he always did. "I love you more every time I see you. Your dark skin flows softly over the surroundings like a sheet of black silk, and your eyes promise so much to so many, but none of us will ever be really satisfied. The breath you bless me with is almost sensual in itself. I know it's not healthy relationship, but I'll always be your fool."
Such was Edan's love affair with the night. She was everything he ever wanted in a woman; she was beautiful, she listened, understood, and he knew she'd never leave him. Still, for all her good points, he knew she would never be faithful to him. Since the dawn of time she had been a whore, and she always would be. Edan didn't really care. All he wanted from her was someone to spend time with.
"Shall we?" He offered his arm. She never took it.
They walked from the glow of his bedroom window through the neglected backyard. It was bare, to say the least. No features, no vegetation except for a few stark trees, nothing but a bleak green mass of grass. Eucalyptus leaves swam in the sea of overgrown grass, waving with every gust of wind at their friends who watched from the brickwork shoreline. Edan and his love ambled around the corner of the house to the old wooden gate that guarded the backyard about as well a cardboard fence would. Low and delapidated, it could be either jumped over or kicked over. Indeed, a very security conscious household. Not wanting to hear the gate's creaky voice, he decided to go over the gate rather than open it.
Now he was truly free.
He felt like asking his love where she wanted to go, but decided against the hollow gesture. Anyway, he knew where he wanted to go. Strolling like a man enjoying a walk through the park, he made his way down the middle of the suburban street. It was a middle-class area to live in. The modest houses were mainly single-storied, many with small, tasteful, gardens to greet the eyes of the public. At this time of night many of them were lifeless, but some still had lights on in the windows.
The people at his own house would be awake for hours to come. Edan always told them, obviously hypocritically, they'd become fully nocturnal one day and be repulsed by sunlight. That wasn't really true, since they didn't care one bit about sunlight or darkness; they built their lives around what was on TV and when. They didn't know of his midnight escapes, and hopefully they never would. Something about the secrecy was part of the main thrill, like he was the only one on Earth, besides his ethereal love, that knew who the lone walker of the night in Everidge was.

You started like you want to do a 'Sidney Sheldon'. The way you've started, I think this'll be a sure bestseller. But whether it shall be good, I cannot say until I see more. That's because by the sound of it, I am led to think that this'll be a really un-short story.

So far it is pretty good. I can tell there is a lot to this story. I enjoyed it so far. There's just some grammatical errors in this piece, but nothing too much.

"Shall we?" He offered his arm. She never took it.

When you normally do short sentences; it makes the story sound fast paced... I just think you don't need to sentences... I think you should do this; He offered his arm but she never took it.

That's just an example, try rereading your work and keep reading it. Try and pretend that this is your first time reading it. Are bits of your story confusing? Do you not get some of it?

Anyway, I did really like this and I really hope you do more. ^___^

I've decided that this is gonna be like a prologue type-of-thing. Chapter one will be commenced soon enough. I've written a bit more to this, but I'm posting it in its entirity again just to see how long it looks. Enjoy.

Just a little further and Edan was free. Free from his three bedroom, two bathroom prison. Leaving behind his cellmates who paid rent and lived on a strict diet of alcohol and pizza. Missing the movie they put on for the inmates, to make his own cinematic experience in the open air.
He slid through the open window that may as well have been iron bars and dropped onto the ground below. The guards were at their posts on the couch, the searchlights were dimmed by drawn curtains, and the faithful guard dog was asleep on the job in his box. The perfect escape. Now nothing stood between him and his mistress.
"Ah, my dear," Edan whispered, greeting her with poetic flattery like he always did. "I love you more every time I see you. Your dark skin flows softly over the surroundings like a sheet of black silk, and your eyes promise so much to so many, but none of us will ever be really satisfied. The breath you bless me with is almost sensual in itself. I know it's not healthy a relationship, but I'll always be your fool."
Such was Edan's love affair with the night. She was everything he ever wanted in a woman; she was beautiful, she listened, understood, and he knew she'd never leave him. Still, for all her good points, he knew she would never be faithful to him. Since the dawn of time she had been a whore, and she always would be. Edan didn't really care. All he wanted from her was someone to spend time with.
"Shall we?" He offered his arm. She never took it.
They walked from the glow of his bedroom window through the neglected backyard. It was bare, to say the least. No features, no vegetation except for a few stark trees, nothing but a bleak green mass of grass. Eucalyptus leaves swam in the sea of overgrown grass, waving with every gust of wind at their friends who watched from the brickwork shoreline. Edan and his love ambled around the corner of the house to the old wooden gate that guarded the backyard about as well a cardboard fence would. Low and dilapidated, it could be either jumped over or kicked over. Indeed, a very security conscious household. Not wanting to hear the gate's creaky voice, he decided to go over the gate rather than open it.
Now he was truly free.
He felt like asking his love where she wanted to go, but decided against the hollow gesture. Anyway, he knew where he wanted to go. Under the streetlights that were their candles for a night of romance, he made his way down the middle of the suburban street. It was a middle-class area to live in. The modest houses were mainly single-storied, many with small, tasteful, gardens to greet the eyes of the public. At this time of night many of them were lifeless, but some still had lights on in the windows.
The people at his own house would be awake for hours to come. Edan always told them, obviously hypocritically, they'd become fully nocturnal one day and be repulsed by sunlight. That wasn't really true, since they didn't care one bit about sunlight or darkness; they built their lives around what was on TV and when. They didn't know of his midnight escapes, and hopefully they never would. Something about the secrecy was part of the main thrill, like he was the only one on Earth, besides his ethereal love, that knew who the lone walker of the night in Everidge was.

About three streets away was the only park in town. It could be any park in the country, generic as it was, but Edan really liked it. Maybe it was the extra soft grass, for star gazing at night, or the seemingly ancient trees that talked to eachother nostalgically about the old days to anyone that would listen, or simply the fact that when no one was around, the silence Edan loved so much was amplified.
As he lay there on his back, his hands behind his head, looking up at the stars, his thoughts wandered around aimlessly. They started at a discussion about what the strange flashing light in the sky was and then decided to change their direction and head over to the ever popular 'Is there anything out there?' question. There had to be. Then after trying to contemplate the size of what he was looking at, his thoughts fell back to earth with a dull thud, landing on the next day. Work.
Perhaps someone with a hobby of nocturnal activity wasn't the best person for Edan's line of work, but it wasn't really a problem. He could normally get through most of the day without using too much energy. The children went about their business with little intervention, especially this time of year, so he could just sit at his desk and watch them study. Easy. Occasionally one of the kids would come up and ask, "Mr. Webb, have you seen my excercise book?" or, "Sir, can I go to the toilet?" or some other unimportant question, but things like that are part of a normal day. As long as he didn't have to endure her tommorow, he'd be fine.
Eventually he wrestled his thoughts away from the next day and indulged in his dark lover's prescence for a brief moment. "Don't ever leave me," he said lovingly.

Just noticed the "An Alright Start" pun.

I've told you what I think about this. Magnificent. Keep it up, pal.

Loneliness, boredom and alcohol make Luke want write more! I guess you could call this Chapter One. Enjoy.

The early morning sun had invaded Edan's room, facing no real resistance, and planted it's banners all over their newly acquired territory. No casualties, but the wounded lay on a double bed, too big for it's only inhabitant. He looked over at the alarm clock and proclaimed the time to his own ears, just making sure it registered. "8:03. Bastard." He was late again. Like it mattered.
It was Wednesday and his first class wasn't until ten past ten, but she always insisted that the teachers got there at eight o'clock, for 'staff meetings' or something like that. The meetings achieved nothing except giving her a reason to make sure things were 'going swimmingly' as she put it. By normal standards, things were always going 'swimmingly', but by hers, not so well. She picked at every little thing. Just last week she had told Peter Franklin , the Phys Ed teacher, (in quite an aggressive fashion) that basketball was not 'appropriate' for the female students. God knows why, but she seemed to have a problem with it. Hell, the girls didn't even have a problem with it.
Edan attended the meetings most of the time, but when he didn't, he most definately didn't regret it; nor was he allowed to forget about it.
"I expect," she started, "my staff to arrive on time, Mr Webb! What kind of example are we setting for the kids if the teachers themselves don't follow rules? Because that's exactly what they are, Mr Webb. Rules! Not guidelines for you to follow when you feel like it. Rules!" It was like Edan was a child again, being chewed up by the teacher for showing up late to school. Well, not exactly; this time Edan was a teacher himself.
Coming back to the present, he formed some words around a yawn. "Better get up, I guess."

The staff room was normally the quietest room in Everidge Senior Highschool. Something about it demanded silence most of the time, but not right now.
Edan pushed open one of the double glass doors of the staff room at exactly 8:28, having checked his watch before walking around the corner of the building, to see just how late he was. He dreaded what she had to say, but it soon became clear that he had nothing to dread.
Everyone was sitting around the large circular table in the middle of the room, talking hurriedly and all at once. The disorder was rather disturbing, as normally by now everyone would be preparing to leave for classes, which started at 8:40. No one seemed to be thinking, or talking, about leaving. Amongst the rabble, Edan tried to make out what was being said by everyone at once.
"-heard something about it on the radio-"
"-never told us about it-'
"-so after that they're all fu-"
If it wasn't obvious through the words of the the staff, the air in the room definately pointed towards something bad. What was usually such a calm room was now completely opposite. It felt like even the room itself was anxious. What was more, she wasn't there. Very odd.
He took his seat under one of the room's windows, the morning sun landing on his shoulders but doing nothing to envigorate him. Next to him sat Helena Goldsmith, the art teacher, talking to the person on the other side of her. To put it simply, she was beautiful. Her long dark hair fell from her head like an auburn cascade, while the skin on her shoulders that was revealed thanks to the red tanktop she wore, was the moonlit pond below, white and luminescent. To put it simply again, Edan liked her. Ever since his first day in this place, two years ago. She was fun, a free spirit.

"Hey Helena," he said after a few seconds, thankful he had a reason to talk to her. "What's going on?"
She turned away from the person on the other side of her, whom Edan didn't take time to look at, and faced Edan. "You haven't heard?"

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I'm ending there for the night. Partly for the suspense, and partly because I have to figure out the specifics of what happens next. I know what it is, I just have to give it that extra something, ya know?

All comments are greatly appreciated.

*drools*

Magnificent. And yes, very suspenseful.

I really enjoyed that one. Your style of writing is inspiring. Every description is made better by your choice of words.
Can't wait for Chapter 2.