Jealousy

Spoiler

Hopefully someone will understand the underlying metaphor?

Envy's bedroom walls aren't green
aren't battlefield camouflage
or an immaculate lawn.

They aren't orange with downfall
like a leaf preparing to plunge
or a home soon to be ash.

They aren't yellow with joy
like the brightest marigold
or the jackpot winner's riches.

No, they're smeared pink
Flushed with jealousy
like a nursery rose strewn away
or a brick worn to smoothness.

It's the color of wanting to be red
to be a wound well tended to
to be a fire hose saving lives
but not quite getting there.

I really like the imagery, the new color label for jealousy.. interesting piece. I think that perhaps you could go a bit further into it, using the colors as a side thing, and perhaps talk more about envy itself. Nice job.

Wow. Clever well written poem. Well done!! I think you're talented. i could say that maybe I would like to read something a bit more psychological. As you've personified jealousy maybe it would be good to take it to the next level. Perhaps go right inside the human mind and look at the extents people are willing to take beacause of envy

Very vivid writing and interesting descriptions. I did notice a couple of errors:

or an immaculate lown.

Did you mean "lawn" here?

They aren't yellow with joy

It's pretty good, though. Write on.

I like this. I think that this was a cute little poem but as other reviewers said-go further. You can make this way longer, explain why it isn't blue or prurple or black. I think I gotthe metaphor but I don't want to write it in case I'm wrong. :p

~Jas

Nice imagery!

i really like the scenery shown here. It's like a fairytale story of Cinderella.

really like this part:

"They aren't yellow with joy
like the brightest marigold
or the jackpot winner's riches.

No, they're smeared pink
Flushed with jealousy
like a nursery rose strewn away
or a brick worn to smoothness."

Keep it up! but it should look better if you can make it longer.

Nevertheless, pretty nice!