Part 1 ,"I'm not under your charm,mrs Lily"

She entered the classroom with the same elegance and beauty that was typical of only her.Mrs Lily isn't a particularly beautiful woman. She doesn't really look like one . Tall but not slim with brown eyes, not so accurate nose.This is how Mrs Lily looks like. Ordinary woman,ordinary looks. But it all doesn't matter.It all doesn't matter when she enters the classroom, when she moves towards the table and most importantly... when she smiles...That full, deep smile in combination with those big,brown eyes immediately make her more than beautiful in your eyes and everybody in the class is instantly in love with her.
This time the magic worked once more. The whole class admiringly looked at her.
"Good morning",she said with her own cute tone of voice and that disarming sweet smile.
"Good morning",the class answered as one person, already under her charm.
"Oh",she said" I guess I already know some of you"
4 of us were her students in the first University year too, we knew she was addressing us. Slowly, as though under the power of an invisible magic, we tried to imitate her warm,big smile. We knew we should give the smile back. Because she was watching us, because she was testing our emotions. 3 of us were completely disarmed,they smiled till the ears , expressing every way they could just what she was expecting:
" We have missed you so much,Mrs Lily , we're so glad to see you again".
And then her brown eyes rested on me.And though I was smiling too , she immediately saw the farce.She could see that my smile was no way a twin of hers.She felt the coldness. I had been her best student in the first course and she had prepared the most meaningful of all smiles to me.But I was smiling without my eyes,deliberately , aiming to pass the coldness and puzzle her.
"I know what you're expecting from me,Mrs Lily. I won't give it.I'm smiling up to the borders of politeness ,nothing more.Whatever is inside of me,you won't know it.Is it hatred,love or indifference? Ah! I already see you are puzzled. I'm not under your charm,Mrs Lily"
That was what my smile was saying.

Hello there!

This is an interesting little piece that could lead anywhere - I definitly want to read more. However, it's not perfect.

Corrections in red and suggestions in bold:

She entered the classroom with the same elegance and beauty that was typical of only her. (this isn't a great hook. It drags on a bit. Rephrase it, make it shorter) Mrs Lily isn't a particularly beautiful woman. She doesn't really look like one. (this sentence is unecessary) Tall but not slim with brown eyes, and a not so accurate nose. (in what way is she not slim? Plump? Or plain fat?) This is how Mrs Lily looks like. (this sentence is also unecessary) Ordinary woman,ordinary looks. But it all doesn't matter.It all doesn't matter ('it doesn't all matter' sounds a bit off.) when she enters the classroom, when she moves towards the table and most importantly... when she smiles...That full, deep smile in combination with those big,brown eyes immediately make her more than beautiful in your eyes and everybody in the class is instantly in love with her. (this is a long sentence. Cut it down a bit. Also, you switched to present tense: make sure to keep with one tense)

This time the magic worked once more. The whole class admiringly looked at her. (describe the class. Is it a big class, small class, etc...)

"Good morning",she said with her own cute tone of voice and that disarming sweet smile. (describe her tone a bit more; as a reader I want to really hear it)

"Good morning",the class answered as one person, already under her charm.

"Oh",she said" I guess I already know some of you."

4 Four (always write out numbers) of us were her students in the first University year too; we knew she was addressing us. Slowly, as though under the power of an invisible magic, we tried to imitate her warm,big smile. We knew we should give the smile back. Because she was watching us, because she was testing our emotions.(This should be made into one sentence) 3 Three of us were completely disarmed,they smiled till the their ears , expressing every way they could just what she was expecting: (you say 'three of us', when the MC is the one not smiling properly. 'The other three' would make more sense)

" We have missed you so much,Mrs Lily , we're so glad to see you again". (describe this other three. They seem like robots at the moment, saying everything in unison)

And then her brown eyes rested on me.And though I was smiling too , she immediately saw the farce.She could see that my smile was no way a twin of hers.She felt the coldness. (I like this, it runs smoothly) I had been her best student in the first course and she had prepared the most meaningful of all smiles to me.But I was smiling without my eyes,deliberately aiming to pass the coldness and puzzle her.

"I know what you're expecting from me,Mrs Lily. I won't give it.I'm smiling up to the borders of politeness ,nothing more.Whatever is inside of me,you won't know it.Is it hatred,love or indifference? Ah! I already see you are puzzled. I'm not under your charm,Mrs Lily"

That was what my smile was saying.

Overall:

I think you need to give some more background information here. What kind of course is it? Who is the main character? I don't even know if they are male or female. In fact, I know nothing about anybody but Mrs Lily.
I think you should describe the charm of Mrs Lily a bit more. Charming a whole class of youth with a simple smile seems a little unrealistic. Maybe have her say something cool, or have her relate with the class, wearing their sort of clothes or something. I'd also like to know her age. Middle aged? Young? It would help me understand her more.
However, this story does have a good idea, and I definitly would like to see part 2. I would like very much to know why the MC isn't falling under her charm.

Hope I helped, and keep writing!

~Lilicia

Thank you very much for the detailed review!!! This will encourage me a lot to post the second part as soon as possible.
English isn't my first language but I'm trying my best . Thank you once again!

Hello, Mermeid! Reise here for a review. Okay, first of all, the title bothers me. Just capitalize the 'M' in "mrs" and put a period behind the 'S'. You also need a space behind the commas. Okay, now on to the real review.

She entered the classroom with the same elegance and beauty that was typical of only her.Insert spacing here.Mrs. Lily isn't a particularly beautiful woman. She doesn't really look like oneClose this gap between 'one' and the period. . Tall but not slim, with brown eyes, and a not so accurate nose.This is how Mrs. Lily looks like. Ordinary woman,put a space here.ordinary looks. But it all doesn't matter. It all doesn't matter when she enters the classroom, when she moves towards the table, and, most importantly... when she smiles...That full, deep smile in combination with those big,put a space herebrown eyes immediately make her more than beautiful in your eyes, and everybody in the class is instantly in love with her. There is some repetition in this paragraph.

This time, the magic worked once more. The whole class admiringly looked at her.

"Good morning,",she said with her own cute tone of voice and that disarming sweet smile. Take out the comma that's not in green.

"Good morning,",the class answered as one person, already under her charm. Same rule here as the one above it.

"Oh,",she said, " I guess I already know some of you."

4 Four of us were her students in the first University year too, we knew she was addressing us. Slowly, as though under the power of an invisible magic, we tried to imitate her warm,put a space here.big smile. We knew we should give the smile back. Because she was watching us, because she was testing our emotions. 3 Three of us were completely disarmed,they smiled till the ears Close this gap between ears and the comma. Also, the part about their ears makes no sense. I get what you mean, but you need to word it better. , expressing Expressing what? every way they could just what she was expecting:

" We have missed you so much,Put a space here.Mrs. Lily , we're so glad to see you again.". Take out this period.

And then her brown eyes rested on me.Space.And though I was smiling too , she immediately saw the farce force.Space.She could see that my smile was in no way a twin of hers.She felt the coldness. I had been her best student in the first course and she had prepared the most meaningful of all smiles to me.Space.But I was smiling without my eyes,Space.deliberately No space here. , aiming to pass the coldness and puzzle her.

"I know what you're expecting from me,Space.Mrs. Lily. I won't give it in.Space.I'm smiling up to the borders of politeness No space here. ,Space.nothing more.Whatever is inside of me,Space.you won't know it.Space.Is it hatred,love, or indifference? Ah! I already see you are puzzled. I'm not under your charm,Space.Mrs. Lily."

That was what my smile was saying.

I'm sorry, but the lack of spacing, incorrect placing of spaces, missing punctuation, incorrectly placed commas, all around bad grammar just made this nearly unreadable. The lack of and incorrect placing of spaces may have been because you were rushing to get your story posted, but it is still a very annoying mistake. I highly suggest reading over this and fixing anything that looks wrong.

I have no idea what's going on. Mrs. Lily is a teacher and everyone loves her except for this boy whose name has yet to be mentioned. Where do you expect to go with this, because I'm confused as to what this could progress into. There are a few times where you put the number instead of writing it out. Always write out the words that are one-hundred and below. Anything above that, you can just put in number form.

I'm not trying to say this is a lost cause, but if you fix all the mistakes and clarify a bit as to where this is going, I still believe you can make this into something good. They way it is right now, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Don't get discouraged!

ReisePiecey!

Thanks Reisi!
I'm not great at punctuation of English.As I have already said,English isn't my native language.
I am not getting discouraged , don't worry!
I'll try to fix the mistakes in next part.

Hello, Mermeid. Reise again.

I'd no idea that English was not your first language. That sure explain a lot! Heh. Okay, I completely understand now. You writing this would be like me writing in French, of course some things would be choppy.

I hope I helped even a little bit anyway. I'll be sure to review the next part when you get it posted.

ReisePiecey!